Difficulty
by Sale el Sol
Summary: She was a coward, an immature and scared little girl. And they loved her for it. MattXOCXMello MattOCMello
1. Hello

**_A/N: This is just sort of a random thing that I wrote... I'm not sure if I want to continue it or not, it depends on the feed back I get. If you think I should continue it, review or something. Because if people like it I'll be sure to continue writing. =]_**

**_Ahhh, I forgot the disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE. If I owned Death Note, in the live action movies Mello, Near, and Matt would've shown up... Did that make anyone else sad when they watched the movies? =[_**

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My thing? It's dance.

Some people are really into reading, or origami, or shopping. Not me. Dance soothes my soul. It lets me express myself in ways that I would otherwise find it difficult to speak. Maybe it's the flow of my body, maybe the lyrics to the music, maybe the raw power in the steps. Any way I look at it, dance is the one thing in my life that never hurt me. Dance never yells, never tells you you aren't good enough, never beats you with words until you cry. Dance is eternal peace of the mind.

My life? It's complicated.

It hurts to say it, but my mother was a prostitute. She stayed with my father until I was born, and then left. My father isn't much better than my mother – he brings home a different woman every night, but can I say he's better because he isn't paid for what he does with them? How can he call me a whore when he sleeps with someone every night? Fat, ugly, slut, bitch. I've heard every name in the book. I can't fix any of those, except for the 'fat' one – I'm on a constant diet. Ugly slutty bitch? There's no changing that, no matter what I try.

My finance? It's nonexistent.

I've asked Father multiple times to let me go out and get a job, since he won't get one, but he won't let me go because he insists he needs me at home. Father was employed until recently. He bartended at a gentleman's club – it's where he met my mother actually. He'd worked there for twenty years, and he made an 'advance' on the club owner's daughter. Father didn't know it was his daughter at the time, but it happened nonetheless. So we have no income currently.

My future? It's impossible.

There is no future for me. I'll end up like my mother – at least, that's what my dad tells me. He says I wouldn't make good money on the street though. My dream would be to get a degree in psychiatry, which is sort of ironic since occasionally I feel like I need a shrink myself. College is a no-go, and I dropped out of high school, so I'm screwed in that department.

My name? It's Raven.

Welcome to my own personal hell.

I don't leave the house often. I do the cleaning. I do the cooking. I always cook for two, even though thanks to my diet I never eat more than a few bites of whatever we're eating. Father eats enough for the both of us… When he brings home a woman, though, I get to go outside. I usually go down to the park. Since it's the middle of the night, it's always deserted, so I plug in my one treasured possession and dance to the music all night. The iPod I use? I stole it. Some woman was waiting on a bench at a bus stop, with headphones dangling out of her purse. I snuck up behind her, flipped open her purse carefully, and snatched the iPod, headphones attached. I grabbed a charger that someone had forgotten from an internet café the same day.

Out of my few trips to places other than the park, that is the most memorable… I'm lucky Father hasn't destroyed the computer yet. If he had, I wouldn't have a way to take care of the one thing that offers me escape. You can't dance without music, and I'm lucky the previous owner had good taste.

Father and I live in what could be considered the slums, but funnily enough, it doesn't really bother me. My park's nearby. As long as I'm close to that, all is well and good with my world.

I was lying in my bed, in a blissful state of half-sleep, waiting for James Blunt to completely sing me into a slumber, when I heard a yell from downstairs.

"Robin! Or whatever the hell your name is, get your ass down here!" I was wide awake at the sound of his voice, pulling the headphones out of my ears and flying into the room from which he was calling me. Keeping him waiting was never a good idea, and it only ended in pain.

"Yes, Father? What do you need?"

"What do I need? What I _need _is a better daughter." I lowered my eyes, letting my hair fall in my face. "What I _want _is for you to start being productive."

"Anything you want Father. I can do whatever you ask," I said desperately, wanting ever so badly to please him.

"Then get out of my house. And don't you dare come back here without a job, or there will be consequences." I nodded twice, frantically, not bothering to grab my coat. I knew I'd get yelled at if I stopped for anything, so I was out of the house in under twenty seconds. As soon as I was out of sight of the house, I stopped for a moment and smiled, looking up at the sky. It was freezing, rain was falling from the sky, and I didn't even have a coat. But I was about to be immersed in the outside world for the first time in two years. For the first time since I'd dropped out of school at fourteen. Maybe sixteen wouldn't hold such bitter days…

It was stupid for me to be so naïve as to think that anyone would want to hire a teenager in ratty clothes who was sopping wet because she couldn't afford a coat to shield her. I couldn't even get a freaking application at _McDonald's! __**McDonald's!! **_It was looking like I wouldn't be able to go home… And then –

I don't think I'd ever been so happy to see a "NOW HIRING" sign. It definitely didn't guarantee a job, but since winter wasn't prime hiring season, it at least gave me hope. Hell, I'd never even heard of a GameStop store before, but I was not going to complain one bit. I trotted into the store, a wet, freezing mess. The store was empty, even behind the counter, but I approached it anyway and waited there.

Five minutes later, a man walked out and did a bit of a double take at me standing there.

"Oh my God I'm sorry, I totally didn't see you come in! I'm Derek, can I help you?"

"A-actually, I'm h-here to ask about the n-now h-hiring sign…"

His face brightened, and he said, "Oh, yes! Actually, I'm top dog around here and I – did you walk all the way here? Where's your coat, sweetheart?"

"I-I guess I f-forgot to grab it on the w-way o-out…" He looked me up and down with a skeptical eye, and then motioned with his hand to come back behind the counter.

"The job can wait until after I make sure you don't get freakin' pneumonia. Come on, you need to get out of the clothes you have on. You're a wreck!"

"Sorry, s-sir, I don't m-mean to cause any t-trouble…"

"Shut up. I've got everything taken care of. You have nothing to worry about."

Twenty minutes later I was dry and in the back of a store with a man named Derek. He told me that this was my job interview, and after five more minutes I had a job. I couldn't help it – I stood up and tackled the man in my joy.

"Alright, alright," he laughed, "Now, can you work tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Gladly!"

"Good. Here's your uniform, and I expect you here at nine-thirty A.M. sharp."

"I won't be late," I said gratefully, "I promise!" I clutched the fabric to my chest, and started to begin the long trek home.

"Hey, Raven!" Derek called after me. I turned to him, and he threw a coat at me. "Stay warm! I don't want my new employee sick." I smiled in gratitude, and proceeded out the door.

Outside the house, a woman's laughter alerted me to the fact that my father wasn't home alone. Time to head for my park.

I pulled my fully charged iPod out of my pocket and proceeded to dance the night away. I made sure to set my clean uniform on a bench, and I used the clothes as a pillow when I grew tired at around one-thirty. I set the alarm for seven-thirty, giving myself enough time to get into my house, shower, and get out before my father and his lady friend woke up.

Some people might wonder why I put up with this lifestyle. Why I don't just leave. To anyone who wishes to ask that, my answer is simple. It is two parts, but it is simple.

Firstly, I love him. He's a cruel man with nothing but evil things to say, but my father is still my father, and I love him. It's not like Father hits me or anything. I just have to put up with the verbal abuse.

Secondly, and this reason I think may overpower the first – I'm weak. I'm still a little kid – a cowardly, frightened, scared little girl. While my father isn't the kindest man on the planet by a long stretch, he is known to me. He's predictable, and easy to read, and I can deal with him. The outside world on the other hand? Yeah, not so much.

I showered and changed in under eight minutes, and was out of the house and on my way to work. Damn does it feel good to say that. Work gives me a sense that I'm doing something with my life. Like maybe I'm not so worthless after all. The bell rang as I opened the door to the GameStop, and I heard a cheerful "Good morning, Raven!"

"Good morning, Derek!" I was just happy to be there. Soon I realized that Derek and I were the only two people employed at this GameStop, which could be fun. Very fun. Derek's twenty, and in his sophomore year at the community college. He has to pay his own way through without any help from his parents, so he works full-time here in the summers and part-time year-round. I'll be sad when I lose him as his classes start up again.

"Okay," he said, looking me in the eyes with what I assume was supposed to be his 'serious face', "Today is a Tuesday. Do you know what that means?"

"That… it's the day after Monday?"

"Well, yes that. But it also means that we don't have much traffic for most of the day. Monday through Friday, from ten until around… I'm gonna say three-thirty, given travel time, this place is pretty much deserted. That won't be the case, starting next week, because schools start letting out for summer vacation."

"Makes sense, I guess."

"Speaking of, why aren't you at school, Miss 'I'm-sixteen-so-I'm-gonna-walk-through-the-rain-to-get-a-job-like-a-moron'?"

"Oh, I dropped out at fourteen. Long story. I'd rather not talk about it."

"Fair enough. I'm told that I'm an awesome listener though, in case you ever wanna talk…" Derek trailed off, like he was trying to egg me into something.

"Nice try Derek." He pouted a little. "But I'll keep that in mind."

I laughed at his juvenile display. Derek seemed as though he would end up being the comic relief in my life, at least for awhile. The bell ding-ed again, and Derek looked over with a perplexed look on his face, which changed into one of recognition.

"Oh, yeah," he said to me. I think he was trying to whisper, but he wasn't succeeding at it, "I forgot. He's in here all the time. His name's Matt, he's pretty cool, and a really good customer. Occasionally he brings this guy named Mello with him. But seriously, the Mello guy's kinda weird. He sorta freaks my shit out."

I looked towards the door to see two men standing side-by-side, one chuckling with a cigarette in his mouth and the other just staring at Derek.

"You seriously need to work on your whispering skills. I'm standing right here, dumbass," the one staring said.

"Cool it, Mello. I gotta pick up a game, that's it. Hey Derek."

"Good to see you again, Matt. This is our new victim- I mean, uh, employee." Derek wrapped an arm around my shoulders and winked at me. It was a weird feeling – no one had actually done that to me before.

"Matt, I'm going outside."

"Whatever Mello, I'll be out in a minute," Matt said, and proceeded to the counter, laying a game down and putting out a hand, "I'm Matt."

"Raven," I said, returning the handshake.

"We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other since I'm here pretty much every other day or so."

I laughed a little. "Cool, cool." I rung up his game, and he was off, with a flick of his hand as a wave goodbye.

I like working here.

**_"How cruel is the golden rule, when the lives we've lived are only golden plated?" - "Golden", Fall Out Boy_**


	2. Losing

**_Ehh... Chapter two... I'm not too fond of this. It felt forced, and it's shorter than the first chapter. =/ I hope you like it anyway. Thanks to the reviewers last chapters, especially the ones who warned me of the dangers of the Mary-Sue! I don't want to lose Raven to their ranks, because she's quickly becoming one of my favorite OCs! Any criticism is welcome, although I would prefer it if it wasn't totally hateful..._**

**_**I don't own Death Note, y'know, the whole deal... I want a cookie. Or chocolate. Something sweet._**

I work from nine-thirty to seven-thirty. Those are long hours, I know, and I've never been one to persevere through things. In fact, I tend to give up on things quite easily – if I can't get it right the first time, then I don't want to do it at all. But working here is easy, and Derek's a super easy-going guy, so it wasn't rough at all.

We goof around pretty much all day, with the exception of taking inventory once or twice a week. At least, that's what Derek told me we do. It was still only my second day working, so I wasn't quite fluent in the job yet… Even though the job consisted of sitting in the back room and playing various games which I suck at.

"No. I give up. I'm done." I threw (well, I didn't 'throw' it, per se… More like, forcefully put down) the controller onto the floor, standing up to head into the front.

"Raven! Don't be a sore loser now! Just because I'm awesome and you suck at every single video game we've played today –"

"Derek. Shut up." I left him in the back room to play SoulCalibur by himself. Stupid game. What's the point of it anyway? There's no prize if you win or anything, so why even try? It's ridiculous. Even virtually I'm weak. What the hell is up with that?

I guess I was born to lose… Holy hell, melodramatic much?

"Geez, for being so freaking timid you sure as hell hate not winning…"

I ignored him and sat in the chair behind the counter. On the outside, yeah, I was kind of a pushover (okay, okay, a total pushover) – but inside my anger could rage like no other person's. This makes for an unhealthy combination that often ends up in my brain hurting.

Ugh. I need to suck it up and learn how to lose more graciously… As if that'll ever happen.

It took about twenty minutes before Derek got bored with playing by himself, and the begging began.

"Raaaaveeeennnn… Please come back… I promise I won't make fun any more… Even though you suck… I'll even give you a handicap if you come play! I'll only use one eye! I'll keep the other one shut the whole time!"

I sighed, and looked into my copy of Shojo Beat with longing. Oh, how I wanted to continue the latest chapter of Vampire Knight… and I really wanted to reread the preview of Blackbird… but I guess if Derek really wanted someone to play with, I could endure it. Or try to, at least.

Five minutes later, I was done again. Video games are just _not_ something that connects with me.

Yes, I know, I'm immature. I can't stand losing, even though he didn't rub it in my face like last time. I just couldn't take it. The disgust at the fact that I couldn't play the game well overwhelmed the fact that if I kept trying I would get better. It just wasn't worth it. Derek pouted in my general direction. It seems as though that's his signature thing, and I knew that I'd have to build up resilience to it. I held his gaze, and finally as I was about to give in, he said, "Fine. It's lunch break anyway. Eat your food, you killjoy."

I smiled at him – even in this state, Derek couldn't be defined as bad-tempered. I pulled an apple out of the pocket of the coat that Derek had given me the day before, and took a bite out of it. Derek cocked an eyebrow and looked at me as he un-bagged his food.

"That's… your lunch? An apple?"

"A Gala apple."

"Oh, well it's definitely enough then," he said sarcastically, "Raven, you're going to wither away into nothing if you keep eating like that."

I rolled my eyes. "It's nothing, Derek." I finished my apple in silence, and he chucked a bag of chips at my face as I threw the apple core into the trash bin. In a matter of seconds I was on the floor after attempting to catch the bag, and I ended up landing on top of the Lay's potato chips. Derek's laughter was hysterical.

"You… make me laugh… You know that?"

I blushed bright red. "Eh! I, uh, I… Aw…" I let my forehead rest on the floor, still mumbling incoherently, and just laid there for awhile. I had really thought that I had coordination going for me, but clearly I was wrong. Dance is apparently very different from everyday coordination. In fact, the bell ding-ed and I didn't even bother moving. Derek stepped over me, finally coming out of his fit of laughter.

"Well, it's good to see she's fitting right in," I heard with a chuckle. I sat up quickly, blush still firmly planted on my cheeks. I was given an amused smirk by the man… I think it was Matt? Yeah, Matt. Matt had the goggles, if I remember correctly. Mello was the blonde. I think. My memory's not great. And names don't come easily to me either really.

"Robin, right?" He said, still giving me the same bemused look. I hung my head, and shook it from side-to-side. I wasn't really surprised that he didn't remember my name, but it would've been a nice shock if he had.

"Raven… Good try though." I got up from off the floor, and wandered into the back room where earlier Derek and I had been playing SoulCalibur. Or, to be more accurate, Derek was kicking ass and I was getting pummeled. I sat on the couch there for around three seconds, staring at a blank TV screen, then got up and re-entered the front of the store. Upon entrance, Matt and Derek stared at me as though I had something on my face.

"Sorry," I said, "I forgot my chips." I quickly bent down, grabbing the crushed Lay's, and re-exited the room.

"Hmm. She's a little out there, isn't she Derek?" I heard Matt say. Ouch. Okay, I'm just gonna go home and slit my wrists now. Or my ankles. Because no one ever checks the ankles. **(1)**

"Nah, she's pretty cool actually. Doesn't talk much though. Do you need something, or are you just chilling out?" Thank you, Derek.

"Just hanging around. Nothing else to do."

I quickly threw the Lay's bag away, ripping it open before Derek came in to find it untouched. It's not like I was hungry, and couldn't I always afford to lose those few pounds? All potato chips do are waste calories and clog your arteries. They are so not worth it when the stomach has that much more it can flatten.

"RAVEN! Come out and do something productive!" I trudged out of the back room again to where Derek was conversing with Matt.

"Yeah," I mumbled under my breath, barely audible, "do something productive? Like you?"

"What was that, dear?"

"Nothing, Derek…"

"Damn right it's nothing." Derek looked quickly at Matt and then back to me. "You. Do you know where the gas station is?"

"You mean the Gas America that's just down the road?"

"No, I mean the freakin' BP that's on the other side of town. Of course I mean the Gas America. Take this and go get some sort of caffeinated beverage for all of us. I want a Pepsi." He shoved a ten dollar bill in my coat pocket. I looked at Matt, waiting for an answer.

"Uh, Mountain Dew. Throwback, if they have it."

"Yeah, make mine a Throwback too. Throwbacks are the shit. None of that artificial crap that makes pregnant women have miscarriages." Matt turned to him with an expression I can't even describe.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

I nodded to Derek, and exited the GameStop without a word.

"She's definitely something…" I heard Derek say.

Mello's right. He does need to work on the whispering skills. It's not very tactful of him to be so loud all the time.

I made it to the gas station without any interruptions, purchasing both the Pepsi and Mountain Dew Throwbacks and a bottle of water for myself. I began the five-minute trek back to the gas station, zoning out and not really paying much attention to anything that was going on around me.

As such, the man in black leather who ran into me was completely unexpected. I hit the ground, knocked off balance, and looked up to see the person who had been with Matt yesterday. At least, I'm pretty sure it was Mello. It looked like the guy who was with Matt. His eyes narrowed and he looked down at me.

"Watch it."

And he left. He was going towards the gas station which I had just left, with a stalk in his step that simply screamed that he hated the world.

To be quite honest, Mello scared the living daylights out of me.

I pulled myself up off the ground, and proceeded to return to the GameStop. I handed Matt his Mountain Dew and Derek his Pepsi, then sat on the chair behind the counter. I twisted open the top of my water, and took a drink. Derek raised an eyebrow, looking at me with a funny expression. I looked back at him for a moment, and then realized what he must have wanted.

"Oh." I reached into my pocket, pulling out what was left of the ten dollar bill. I tried to hand it to him, and he slapped my hands away. I recoiled as a reflex, and then gave him a look to match the one he'd given me.

"I don't want the money, what I want to know is if you would've gotten diet water if such a thing existed."

Matt cracked up. I gave him a look, pursing my lips. "There's nothing wrong with being healthy."

"Yeah, healthy is okay – you, on the other hand, ate an apple for lunch and then didn't even get any sort of caffeinated beverage. That is _not_ healthy. That is a warning sign of anorexia," he said with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes. "Do I seem like the kind of person who is at risk of getting an eating disorder?"

"That's like asking someone if they look like they have obsessive compulsive disorder. It can't be predicted based on appearance. Don't tell me you're that shallow," Matt interjected from nowhere.

"I…" Damn it. I hadn't meant it that way, but I had been backed into a corner. It came out the wrong way, and no way could I backpedal at this point. "You're right. I didn't mean that that way. Forgive me." I'm a freaking idiot.

"Whoa, Raven. We were just having a conversation. Don't get all depressed on us, it's not a big deal." Derek was quick to see my composure change. Matt let out a sigh.

"Which is why women confuse me," Matt said, "Always freaking out over nothing. It never fails; they're all the same." Derek shot him a look.

"You continue living life like a video game and see how far you get. At least she takes things seriously." I looked up.

"Sorry, Matt. I always let stuff get the better of me."

"Don't sweat it. Life happens. Just remember that." A wry smile crossed my lips, and I realized the truth in that statement. "Derek tells me you're only sixteen, so you've got a few more years to be a kid. Live it up while you can." The amused smirk came back to his face.

Matt left soon after that, leaving Derek and I. Around seven-thirty, just as we were getting ready to lock up for the night, Derek looked at me and said, "You really do have issues, huh?" I smiled a small bit, and took a breath of cold air as Derek turned the key.

"Yeah. But, you know – life happens." Derek smiled.

"I guess so."

**_"Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts..." - "Headfirst for Halos", My Chemical Romance_**

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**(1) An inside joke with Melissa, a.k.a. Practically Venomous. It's probably not that funny if you don't get the back story behind it… Sorry.**


	3. Freak

**_*Oh, geez. Sorry this one took ages. I hit a mild case of writer's block on this, I've been working with Melissa on a collaboration series on our account Frigid Fire, and volleyball camp has been crazyyy… And this chapter's short too. Forgive me. =[  
_****_**I own Death Note not. If I did, Near wouldn't have won out over Mello. Mello would've totally kicked his ass into next week. Because Near sucks at darts. Right, Melissa? ;)_**

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I made spaghetti for dinner. Father was in an exceptionally good mood, and that was the him that I adored. He was smiling, laughing – it almost felt like we were a family again. A family of two, but a family no less. I had a few bites, and he ate a few plates, I cleaned up, and he went to bed. If every night was like this, I would positively adore my life. I fell asleep with a smile on my face and an iPod attached to my ears.

I woke up the next morning – Thursday. The smile on my face was the same one that I had fallen asleep with the night before, and I rolled out of bed to get ready for work.

"Bye, Father!" I said, walking out the door. I heard a faint "Bye, Raven," as I exited the house. I hummed a little to myself as I walked to the GameStop, stopping shock-still at the door. The reason for this?

The door was _locked_.

I had all sorts of reasons why Derek wasn't there yet, considering he always beat me to the store. Maybe he'd died in a car wreck, fallen into hard drugs… Maybe he'd spontaneously combusted as he slept!

Or maybe he just didn't wake up on time. Yeah, that last one made much more sense…

And I swear, I must be freaking blind, because it took me like ten minutes to locate the note on the door. I cocked an eyebrow, pulling the note off the door.

_Hey Rae, _

_Super sorry about this, but I don't have your number so all I can do is leave you this note… Be sure that I get your cell next time I see you, because I'll probably forget._

_Anyway, I'm really sick. Like, I woke up this morning and I was throwing up my insides. Actually, I'm still throwing up my insides. I rolled out of bed, wrote this note, drove to the store, taped it on the door, and went back home. As you're reading this, I am probably snoring away on my couch._

_You can't work without a manager present, so I'm giving you the day off. Go out and have fun, girlie. Take Matt's advice and live a little._

_Love always,_

_Derek_

So… I had a day off? To do _whatever I wanted?_

I wanted to do something fun… So badly, I wanted to something fun.

But, shouldn't I really go home if I'm not at work? I didn't know if Father would be okay with this.

"_You've got a few more years to be a kid. Live it up while you can."_

Matt's voice floated through my head, adding to all the thoughts whirring in my brain. I looked towards the rest of town, and then I looked back to the slums. I bit my lower lip, and started my feet moving, hoping that there wouldn't be horrible repercussions for what I was going to do.

I mean, there was no way that Father could find out that I went to the mall instead of going to work, right?

Even walking to town gave me a sense of freedom that I loved. I thrived in security, but freedom is something that I longed for. That's a little contradictory, I know, but everything about me is contradictory. I'm a much more angry person than I let on; I want to be safe but still be able to get out and do something daring…

Is it sad that my idea of daring is to go to the mall? Hmm. I suppose it is just a _bit_ sad.

Nonetheless, I was quite excited about it. I entered the mall with my twenty dollar bill and quickly discovered that the mentioned amount of money was not nearly enough to buy me everything I wanted… And oh, there was so much that I wanted! I walked through nearly every store, holding on to my money for as long as I could… And then I hit Borders.

Yeah, that's right, Borders. The bookstore. I'm sure that everyone's heard of the place. And I, to be quite honest, felt as though I was in heaven. There was one book in particular that I'd been dying to read… I'd managed to sneak a peek of a copy one of the few days that I was in town – in fact, it was the day that I'd stolen my iPod.

I found it. And I've never been so pleased in my life.

George Orwell's 1984.

And it was even on _sale! _I quickly purchased the book before I could see something else that could change my mind about buying it, and got out of the store with my remaining eight dollars and fifty-four cents. I glanced at the clock, noting that it was probably time for lunch, and bought a slice of pizza from Sbarro, which is a hefty serving for me.

Needless to say, I ate half, and then sat down by the fountain, trying to determine whether or not I wanted any more. I stared at the half-eaten slice of pizza for awhile, trying to make my decision, when I heard someone say, "It's rather stupid for someone to buy a whole slice of pizza when they're only going to eat half of it."

I looked towards the voice to see the blonde who had knocked me down the other day – Mello.

"Nah, that's actually quite a bit for her, Mello. She doesn't eat anything." Matt appeared from behind him.

"What was your name, anyway? Something like… Robin?" I let out a sigh.

"Raven…" The two men stood there for a moment, not moving an inch. "What are you two doing in the mall?"

"We're at a bit of a standstill for a job we've been working on recently," Matt said casually.

"Not that it matters. We'll finish it eventually – and we'll be the first to do it." I raised an eyebrow at Mello's tone, which was sharply in contrast to the fact that he was munching on a chocolate bar.

"Yep. We're gonna win the game, that's for sure."

I laughed quietly. "Life's just like a video game to you, isn't it, Matt?"

"Pretty much," he said, sliding in to sit down next to me, "Seriously though, Mello's right. You should probably eat that."

"I'm… I'm not really all that hungry. You have it." I held the plate out to him, trying to get him to take it. When Matt refused, I stood up and walked it over to Mello, who also wouldn't take it, as well as gave me a look like I was some sort of sick freak. I sighed, and threw it into the trash can.

"What a waste." I walked back and picked up my bag from Borders, heading towards the exit of the mall. "Good to see you, Matt, Mello."

"What a freak." Mello either didn't know that I could hear him, or he didn't care. I kept on walking, even though the words stung quite a bit.

"Nah. I like her alright." My eyes closed, and a smile formed on my lips.

Thanks, Matt. I like you too.

**_"Oh, we're halfway there, whoa-oh, livin' on a prayer..." - "Livin' on a Prayer", Bon Jovi_**


	4. Sneak

_***Finally, a normal sized chapter. Thanks to the lovely reviewers I've had thus far, you give me inspiration the likes of which I can't describe. Tell me if I'm moving things too fast, or just any kind of criticism would be appreciated. Ciao, dahlings. ;)**_

_****I don't own Death Note, blah blah blah. I'm running out of amusing things to say in my disclaimers and author's notes…**_

"My darling, beautiful, dearest Raven! Oh, I've missed you so!" Derek practically attacked me when I walked through the door Friday morning, glomping me with a hug of epic proportions.

"Um… Good morning, Derek… Feeling better?"

"Oodles, my dear! It is Friday! Do you know what that _means_?" Somehow I thought I wouldn't be able to deal with Derek if he was always this way after he missed work for a day.

_It means OMG, Derek, get the hell off of me!_

"Umm… Oh! It's inventory day!" The light bulb went off over my head, and Derek nodded vigorously, never letting his grip on me loosen.

"Indeed! It _is _in fact inventory day! So I shall start in the Xbox games, and you shall start in the Nintendo DS games, and we will attempt to get this over with as quickly and painlessly as possible!" Why was he so freaking happy about this?

Derek finally let me go, and he sauntered over to his section, and I to mine. We worked in silence for around five minutes, and then Derek blurted out, "It's too freaking quiet! I always have an iHome here but I forgot my iPod today, damnit!"

I left the Nintendo DS games and found the iHome, plugging in mine and turning it on to my favorite artist. Derek's jaw dropped at the sound.

"_Oh my God you're my hero! Michael Jackson is my __**favorite**__!!_" I smiled at Derek, and began to walk back to my section, only to have him grab my arm.

"Um, hell no. We do not work when there is "Beat It" to dance to." Derek grabbed my arm, and pulled me into the middle of the store. I stared as he began to dance without any reservation whatsoever. Part of me wanted to dance – in fact, I wanted to dance with most of my being. But whenever I danced I had always been by myself, without someone to critique me. Derek, however, was not going to let me get away with just standing there, and before I knew it, I was dancing with him.

After awhile, we were both laughing hysterically and still moving on the floor, until finally we couldn't bring ourselves to take another step. We fell to the ground, exhausted and happy, still in hysterical laughter. When we'd finally calmed down a bit, I looked over at Derek, who was still smiling contentedly.

"Hey Derek?"

"Yeah, Rae?"

I was a little nervous to say this, considering I'd only known Derek like a week. If Derek was the person I thought he was though, he would be okay with it.

"Would it be safe to say you're my best friend?" He looked at me, our eyes met, and his smile reassured me.

"Yeah. I guess you could say we're pretty much best friends." My smile was radiant, and I couldn't help myself; I jumped on top of him with a massive hug. He hugged back, and said, "Well what the hell happened to the shy you? No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're awesome no matter what."

I tilted my head to the side, and got up off the floor, in a new mood a league all its own.

"And, because you are my best friend, I believe that we shall go out for dinner tonight! After work, we will go to… _Applebee's!"_

"Derek, I don't have any money."

"Why would I invite you to dinner and then make you pay for your own meal?"

"Uh…" Oh, damn it… How was I going to get out of going home? "Hold on Derek."

I had an idea. It could easily fall through, but it might convince my father to let me stay out later. I pulled out my cell phone and began dialing my father.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Father… Um, I'm working overtime tonight, is that okay? I don't have to if you don't want me to…"

"I don't care what the hell you do so long as you bring home some cash." I flinched.

"O-okay Father. Thank you." He hung up. I sighed.

"So? The verdict, the verdict, what's the verdict?" Derek had popped up out of nowhere, scaring the living daylights out of me. He was bouncing around like a kid in a candy store, and I said, "I can go, I can go."

And at that point, Derek put another rape hug into effect. "It's gonna be so much fun!"

"Derek… It's just dinner…"

"Yeah but it's dinner with _you_!!" The bell ding-ed, and I looked over to see Matt and Mello, and Derek tightened his grip on me.

"H-hi, Matt… Mello…"

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Are we interrupting something? Because we can come back later…"

I tried to wriggle out of Derek's grasp, and he finally relented, letting me go, gasping for breath. I went over and turned down the speakers that were blasting "Man in the Mirror", and then returned to standing beside Derek.

"Hey," Derek started enthusiastically, "What are you guys doing tonight?"

Matt thought for a moment, then looked to Mello. "Hey Mello, what are we doing tonight?" Mello shrugged apathetically.

"You wanna come to dinner with me and Raven tonight?" Matt looked to Mello again, who was just munching a chocolate bar and looking out the window.

"Sure. We're in. What time?"

"I wanna say eight-thirty – scratch that, nine. I know it's late, but Raven and I are going to have to go home and change and everything. Because I don't know about her, but I don't really want to go out in a GameStop uniform."

Shit. That meant I had to go home to change and shower, and I'd just told my father I was working overtime… I was going to have to try to sneak into the house and back out without him noticing. Maybe he'd be at the bar, or out somewhere else. I could only hope for the best.

Matt grinned. "Alright. We'll be there. Is my game in yet, Derek?"

"Uh… Hold on, let me check." Derek left the front of the store, passing by the speakers that were playing "Billie Jean". "Hey Raven, you wanna know my theory about how Michael Jackson died?"

You're going to tell me anyway, why even bother asking?

"My theory is that Kira got fed up with Michael Jackson's 'heal the world with love' philosophy, and he offed him. I mean, M.J. did die of cardiac arrest, right? It all fits!"

Matt and Mello were strangely quiet at the mention of Kira, and I said, "Yeah, Derek. Makes perfect sense." Derek is quite possibly my favorite fruit loop.

"Oh my God! Michael Jackson was like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Kira's like Malcolm X!"

He's seriously equating the mass murder of criminals to the civil rights movement in the sixties?

"I guess so." Derek babbled on, and Mello looked at me with a face that said, 'Is he ever going to shut up?' I shook my head. Derek finally emerged from the back of the store, and said, "Sorry, Matt. No luck. It should be here by Monday though." Matt grimaced a bit, obviously displeased that his game wasn't here yet.

"Okay. We'll see you guys later tonight then, I guess."

"See you," Derek waved.

"Bye, guys," I did the same. Matt waved back, and Mello just continued walking out the door without an action or word. As they left, Derek looked at me and winked. "Looks like your friend count is going up."

I smiled widely, and nodded enthusiastically.

The rest of the day passed fairly quickly, with us finishing inventory and then hanging out for the rest of the day. At closing time, Derek asked me, "Do you need a ride to the restaurant?"

Hmm. I hadn't thought of that. I nodded.

"Meet back here at a quarter 'til nine, sweetheart. I'll give you a ride." Derek winked, and started walking to his car. I smiled, and began the walk home, planning how I was going to get in and out without getting caught by my father.

I got lucky. Father was at the bar, or at the very least he wasn't home, so I got in without a problem. I changed into a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt after jumping in the shower, then ran into my room to grab my cell phone. Just as I'd picked the phone up off my bed, I heard my father's car roll into the driveway, and I froze. I looked around in desperation – both exits from our house are on the first floor, and I was upstairs. The stairs creak in an awful way, so if I even took one step down there, Father would know someone was here.

And then I heard the bottom step squeal. He was coming upstairs.

Left, right, left, right – I spotted the window. I was on the second floor, so I was fairly certain this wouldn't end well, but I opened the window as quickly and quietly as I could and stepped out on the roof, getting down on all fours to crawl. I couldn't believe I was doing this. The Raven from a week ago wouldn't have ever dreamed of being in this situation, of sneaking out, of lying to her father. I closed my eyes sadly.

_I'm sorry, Father._

I tried to make my way past the window where my father's room was without a sound, but fate would have it that I crunched a twig just before his window. I was close enough to see him get out of bed and come towards the window. I shut my eyes tightly, preparing myself for the reprimand.

He shut the blinds, and left the window.

I breathed out once, and continued across the roof, climbing down the tree to the ground below. I stretched my arms up above my head, and smiled.

_Time for some fun._

I walked my way to the GameStop, and sat on the bench, waiting for Derek to come. He finally pulled up in his car, and I got in the passengers side, and we were on our way to Applebee's.

"So," Derek said, "Which one is it?"

I looked at him, confused. "Which what is what?"

"Are you in to Matt or Mello? I can tell there's a 'thing' there, for lack of a better word. I am very in tune to these things."

If I didn't know better, I would say Derek was gay. He was wrong about this though – as far as I was aware, I didn't feel anything more than friendship for either of them. So I told him that.

"Uh-huh. I totally believe you." We bickered playfully all the way to the restaurant, mostly about how I secretly have an undying love for either Matt or Mello, which was going to surface sometime later in life.

We got out of the car when we reached the restaurant, and I said, "You know… I've never actually been to an Applebee's…" Derek's jaw dropped.

"You poor, deprived… Come on. We must fix that." Derek grabbed my hand and led me into the restaurant. Matt and Mello we're already there, in the smoking section courtesy of Matt. Mello was a little happier than usual, and then I noticed the half drank glass of beer in front of him, which explained it.

I looked at Mello. "You totally aren't twenty-one. How'd you get that?" Mello laughed.

"They don't care here, as long as I'm not driving home. That's what Matt's for." I looked to Matt, who was definitely one hundred percent sober.

"This is the Mello that I'm more fond of," Matt said. "He's always been temperamental, but when he loosens up he's a cool guy." I smiled a bit. This Mello was definitely easier to get along with than the angry version I was used to. By the end of the night, I considered Mello a good person who just had some emotional problems. At least, that's what I gathered from what Matt and Mello both told me.

We ordered and ate, the guys made fun of how I only got a salad, Mello downed a couple more beers, and Derek said that we needed to do this more often.

That night is one of my best memories. I was there with three people who I genuinely considered friends, laughing, smiling, and having a good time. That was before the world went to hell for me. That was before I got wrapped up in things I couldn't deal with. Before I lost control of my life.

Matt, Mello, and Derek were some of the best people I knew. They had already got me to open up a bit, and I'd only known them for a week. I didn't realize it then, but they were the ones who were going to have to help me through some of the toughest times of my life.

Derek – he was my all-around best friend. He could make me laugh, he cared for me, and no matter what I knew he had my back.

Matt – he was always looking out for me, going with the flow and having me sit back and go with him, teaching me to not always think.

Mello – he was the one I went to for advice, the blunt friend, the guy who gave me the honest truth no matter how ugly it was.

After four hours at Applebee's we were as close as close could be. I don't think any of us knew the turmoil that was ahead.

**_"Best friends, ex-friends 'til the end, better off as lovers, and not the other way around..." - "Bang the Doldrums", Fall Out Boy_**


	5. Tumble

_***I like this chapter quite a bit… It's sort of short, but I felt I needed to end it where I ended it. In fact, Vendetta will be in this story quite often, I believe. Kudos to Practically Venomous for the name. I owe you one Liss. Your sociopathic tendencies helped me a bit this chapter. ;) Love youuuu.**_

_****Hey… To everyone who favorite and alerted, I'd really like to thank you for that. However, it would be even more appreciated if you all reviewed. Reviews give me even more inspiration to write. The only review I got last chapter was from the lovely Unlawfultears, who sent me an ah-mazing message. Thank you very much. =]**_

_****I don't own Death Note. Plain and simple. Enough digression. Read the frickin' story. ;)**_

It had been two weeks. It had been two weeks since that flawless night at Applebee's, and for me, everything was perfect. I had friends who cared for me, and despite what he said, I believe I had a father who loved me. I was perfectly happy with the way my life was.

But fate is a cruel mistress, one who finds joy in the torment of her victims. To fate, we are all nothing but pawns in a game for her own amusement.

I was on my way home when it happened. I think I was maybe a block and a half away from my house. Matt, Derek, and I had all went our separate ways at closing time – Mello still doesn't come out to see us much, but I see him occasionally. But a block and a half away from my house, I heard a gunshot. I don't think much of gunshots; they're heard quite often in the slums. However, every time I hear one, I book it home, in fear of that slight chance that something was wrong with my father. I ran home, sprinting to the front door and then flinging it open.

"Father?" I called out. No answer. "Father, are you okay?" I walked slowly up the stairs, hearing footsteps on the floor above. I was worried, freaking out. I pushed open the door to his bedroom and found him lying there naked, shot three times. A woman barely dressed was writing on the walls using his blood, a gun in her other hand. She smiled at me benevolently.

"It's okay, darling. I'm not going to hurt you. So long as you keep this little secret between us, you don't have to come to any harm at all." My body locked up.

"Come on, now, dear, go back downstairs. I'll be out of your house shortly." I picked up my legs and started moving out of the room. "There's a good girl." She flashed another smile at me, and turned back to the wall. Just before I left, I caught a glimpse of the words.

_**FILTHY MAN WHORE**_ was spelled out in bright red spidery lettering.

I sat on the couch, paralyzed with fear, and missing my father already. The one man I'd ever loved… He was gone. Dead and gone. Tears started to streak down my face as the woman came down the stairs, fully clothed. She looked over and saw me on the couch, eyes meeting mine. She came over and reached her hand under my chin, pulling my face up to look into hers.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. You're too pretty for that. Men are worthless and good-for-nothing creatures who take advantage of the women who care about them. Learn that lesson, and you'll be doing okay in life." She kissed me on the forehead. "Men beat you, men leave, men tear your heart to shreds. Which is why they have to die. _Every. Last. One."_

My body locked up as she said this. Derek, Matt, Mello – they wouldn't ever do that to me. They wouldn't leave me. Father never left me. She took Father from me. Angry tears welled up in my eyes again, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything against her.

"I might see you around honey. I'll check up on you every now and then, make sure you're alright."

"Do I… At least get a name?" I choked out. She turned on her heel.

"Call me Vendetta." And she was gone.

I sat on the couch for a long while, knees pulled up to my chest, crying. There it went – all the order I'd tried so long to keep. It was gone in an instant. My father was dead, killed by a woman I only knew by an obvious codename. He had been trying to get a job so we wouldn't be strapped for cash anymore… Or at least, I thought he had been. I knew he had filled out a couple of applications. At least I wouldn't have to provide for him anymore…

_No! _What the _hell_ is wrong with me?! My father's dead and all I can think about is financial responsibility? I'm the worst daughter in the whole freaking world! Not to mention the fact that that Vendetta chick said she was coming _back_!

When did my life get so screwed up?! I was in the middle of an unusually large sob when I heard –

"_**All I wanna say is that, they don't really care about us –"**_

I silenced the ringer, and looked at my caller ID. _Derek._ I stared at it longingly for a moment, and then placed it face down beside me on the couch. It ding-ed once, twice, four times within the next ten minutes. Derek was one determined guy when he wanted to be, and he only wanted to talk and at this point figure out what was wrong, but… I couldn't talk to anyone about this.

I can't count how many texts I received in the next hour. I was sure Derek had recruited Matt to his cause at that point. I knew Mello wouldn't have been conned into it, but Matt was in for anything just for kicks. A knock on my door alerted me to the fact that someone was there, and I wiped at my eyes, attempting to appear respectable. I got up and pulled the door open, to reveal Derek and Matt.

Derek glomped me without noticing that I had been bawling my eyes out, while Matt widened his eyes in concern.

"Why didn't you answer my calls and texts, damn it?!" Derek pulled back when I did respond, and his expression turned from whimsy to worry. "Oh my God, Raven, what the hell happened?"

I shook my head, unable to speak of it. He pulled me over to the couch, and Matt followed, not sitting down beside Derek and I. I put my head in my hands and sobbed into Derek's chest.

"Hey. Stop crying honey. I'm sure it's not that bad…" I looked up into his eyes, pure hatred blazing in my eyes for his ignorance in saying that.

"_My father is fucking __**dead**__, Derek! Of course that's not too fucking bad, right?!"_

Matt took a step back in shock, and Derek froze. The anger died after around three seconds, and I was crying all over again. Everything was quiet except for my sobs, until finally Matt walked over and sat on my other side.

"Hey." I looked over at him, blood-shot eyes, puffy cheeks, and red nose. "Is it too much to ask for you to tell me what happened?" I looked at Derek, and back to Matt. Derek tightened his grip on my shoulder.

"You're safe. No matter what happens, you're safe." I nodded once, and stood up. Derek and Matt didn't move, and I motioned my head towards the stairs, grabbing one of both of their hands tightly. I walked them up the stairs slowly, stopping every few steps to take a deep breath. We made it up the stairs, and I put my hand on my father's bedroom door knob. My breath caught in my throat, and Matt squeezed my hand once, twice. I swallowed, and twisted the handle. The tears broke loose again, and I grabbed onto Matt, who had shut his eyes at the sight of the room. I surveyed the room again with tear-filled eyes, taking in details I hadn't noticed the first time, when I had only seen my father, Vendetta, and the writing on the wall.

Vendetta had taken a knife, or maybe her nails, who knows, and dragged them down the curtains, tearing them to shreds. The bedspread was in tatters, and my father had shallow slices all over his body. I let out a sharp shriek of horror as I took in all the different parts of the room.

"Hey. Hey. It's okay, it's okay. Matt, I'm getting her out of here, I'll be back in a minute." Derek came over and tried to take me from Matt, but I just clung on tighter. I shook my head, and looked up at Derek. "I'm fine. I need… I need to say bye." I loosened my grip on Matt, finally letting go and walking slowly and shakily to the bed.

Derek started to leave the room, but Matt didn't move an inch. Derek grabbed his elbow, saying, "Give her a minute, Matt. She'll be okay." He looked at me a moment longer, and then followed Derek out.

"Father… I… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the daughter you want–" I cut off abruptly, waiting to find the strength to control my sobs to continue. "The daughter you w-wanted. I always tried… tried to keep going, to provide, to stay strong. But in the end… I guess I wasn't s-strong enough." I choked up again, unable to go on. I stood up from where I'd been kneeling. Leaning over his chalky white body, I kissed him on the cheek, a tear falling from my cheek onto his face. I lifted a hand up to my face, and walked away slowly, giving him one last look before exiting the room and going back downstairs to Matt and Derek.

* * *

**_"Say goodbye to the vows you take, to the life you make, to the hearts you break, and all the cyanide you drank..." - "To the End", My Chemical Romance_**


	6. Lost

_***Ahh… New chapter. I like this one, even though it's sort of boring… Or at least I thought it was. You can make that decision for yourself. I realize that much of the material I'm using is getting sorta… What's the word? Risqué? If you think I need to up the rating at any time, let me know so I can fix it…**_

_****Hugs and kisses and all my love to Josephine Falnor, icanreadyourmind, angelofyouth1427, and Kavyle for being amazing and reviewing. Also thanks to those who alerted and favorited. You are amazing. **_

_*****One of my reviewers said that they couldn't wait to see who Raven ended up with, and I must say… I also am excited. Because even I don't know who she's going to end up with yet. For all you know, I could have Raven, Derek, Matt, and Mello get hit by a bus and die at the end of this chapter. End of story. ;)**_

_******I don't own Death Note. If I did, L would've killed Light. BAM. Done and done. Then he and the Whammy boys could have lived happily ever after in their castle in the sky with the CareBears as their neighbors. ;)**_

I walked down the stairs slowly, one hand on the rail and the other hand on the wall. I waited a moment – I heard Matt on the phone with someone. I continued to walk down as he talked, and I heard him say, "Yeah, I need you to come over to help me move the bo –" Derek kicked Matt in the shin as I entered the room.

"-dy," Matt finished before he could stop himself. He stared at me quietly for a minute as Derek came over and enveloped me in a hug. "Don't argue, Mello, just get your ass over here!" Matt put his phone away quickly, and stood there awkwardly. I looked from Matt to Derek, who had let go of me. It was hard to fight off the tears. I looked at the clock – 7:38. "Would you two… like something to eat?" I needed something to help me get my mind off of the… situation upstairs. "I'm sure Mello will be hungry when he gets here."

Eventually, with neither man telling me what he wanted to eat, I went into the kitchen and got to work spooning out a bowl of chocolate ice cream for myself. It was a small one, but a bowl nonetheless. I walked back into the living room, sitting cross-legged on the couch. I only took a few bites, and then set the bowl off to the side, tears running down my face again. I couldn't believe that a few hours ago my own father was brutally killed – _murdered – _in my own house.

Matt and Derek went upstairs again to reevaluate the damages, and the tears got worse as soon as they left. My front door swung open without so much as a knock, revealing Mello. He walked in swiftly, placing himself beside me and grabbing my chin roughly to look into his face. My eyes widened in shock – I'd never realized how intense of a scar his was – and he said, "Listen to me. Crying is not going to get you anywhere in this world. Playing the victim will not move you up in life. So take a hint from me and suck it up now, because life's one cruel bitch, and it's not going to stop for you to put yourself back together." He let go of my face, but never broke eye contact. "If you were looking for sympathy you should've called the police."

"Too bad I got stuck with you instead, heartless jackass," I snarled. This wasn't a me I'd ever experienced before, and I wasn't sure if I liked this Raven or not. Instead of being angry, like I'd expected Mello to be, he smirked, and said, "That's the kind of tough you have to be." He left me there, going up the stairs.

Of course, as soon as he was gone, I was in tears again. I'm only human, after all.

Touching on what Mello said – why didn't I call the police? Shock was my first reason. I wasn't in my right mind; I'm still not in my right mind. Secondly, and possibly more importantly – Vendetta told me to keep the meeting between us. If she killed my father without a hint of remorse, she wouldn't have any problems taking me out as well.

It's not as though the police would have responded to a call out here anyhow.

Father… I wondered somberly if part of this was punishment for my changed lifestyle these last few weeks. I'd been sneaking out to hang with Mello, Matt, and Derek, the latter two especially. Mello wasn't one for socializing unless he'd had a couple drinks.

Did karma take my father away from me because I'd been lying to him, sneaking around? If that was so terrible a crime, then this was certainly a perfect punishment. Before Father's death, I was a scared, cowardly little girl.

Now I was all of those things, with the addition of the adjective 'lost'. Father was the one steady rock in my life, the consistency I clung to. Where the hell was my safe zone _now_?

My thoughts were interrupted by Derek coming down the stairs, grabbing me by the elbow. He tried to pull me up from the sofa, and I obliged, walking with his arm around me to the door. I stopped, and looked at Derek. "Wait… Where are we going?"

Derek looked at me softly. "Matt and Mello are going to take care of things here, and we're going to my apartment until then. And Rae, you can stay as long as you'd like."

"Can I… Can I go get some of my things?"

"Of course. Do you want me to come with –"

"No. I'm fine." I walked up the stairs to my room, passing by my father's shut door and hearing Mello and Matt's muffled voices, speaking in hushed tones. I quickly grabbed a few articles of clothing from my room, and other assorted things – my iPod, my cell phone, my GameStop uniform, my stuffed dog, Carter, that Father had given me for my fifth birthday. I put everything into a bag except the stuffed animal, which I clutched tightly in my arms. I gently pushed open the door to Father's room to see Matt and Mello, talking, and I can only assume formulating some sort of plan.

"Matt? Mello?" Their heads jerked over to me at the sound of my voice. "You don't have to do this, if you don't want."

Mello rolled his eyes. "It's not like I have any choice." Matt shot him a look, and said, "It's nothing Raven. Go with Derek. We'll take care of this." I took one last longing look at my father, and said something that I knew I should.

"I love you, Daddy." I hadn't called him Daddy since I was eleven. He'd told me to grow up, and only to call him Father, so I did. All I ever wanted to do was make him happy.

But secretly, I always wanted to be able to call him that. I thought it felt like we were more of a family that way. I expected myself to start crying again, but I didn't. It was as if the tears were gone, and I was numb, even though the overwhelming sadness remained.

"If you two," I said, addressing Matt and Mello, "decide to do something with the body, let me know. I don't want to be left in the dark." I quickly walked away without giving them time for a response, and I met Derek downstairs.

"Ready?" he asked softly. I nodded once as a reply, and we walked out the door. We got in his car, and as he started driving I asked, "How'd you even know where I live?"

"I'm magical," Derek said weakly, a small attempt at comic relief. "I followed you home the one day because I'm a creep and I wanted to know where you live in case of emergencies… Such as this." I smiled slightly – I knew Derek had my back. Vendetta was wrong about men – Matt and Mello were helping, and Derek was even letting me live with him. How much better friends can a girl get?

Derek tried to convince me to take his room, but I insisted that the couch was perfect. I realized I was an ungodly amount of tired, and I laid down on the couch just planning to rest my eyes. As soon as I closed them I drifted into a deep slumber.

I dreamt of awful things – bloodshed, screams, sex, and rape. I twitched and turned in my sleep, but I didn't cry out despite the horrendous sights I was seeing. When I awoke I heard voices in the adjacent room, and I kept my eyes closed to listen. I picked out the voices of Matt and Mello, but Derek was nowhere to be heard.

"What do I think, Matt? Between the fact that he was naked, 'filthy man whore' was written on the wall, and him being on a bed, I think that Raven's dad brought home the wrong hooker to bang. That's what I think. You do shit like that enough and one of these days you're bound to get it."

"Raven never said anything but good things about her dad. Things must've been seriously screwed up there if he was bringing prostitutes to the house where he lived with his _daughter_."

"If you haven't noticed, Raven doesn't seem to be all there in the head." I cringed noticeably. "If there was something wrong at home, which obviously there was, then it would make sense if Raven was a little messed up in the brain."

"I don't think she's messed up in the brain Mello. That's just the way she is. She wants to please people." I relaxed a bit – Matt nailed it. I sat up – I really didn't want to hear any more, and Matt immediately said, "How're you feeling?"

I shrugged. That was the most complete answer I could give, under the circumstances. He nodded understandingly. "We've got everything taken care of.

"Well," Mello stood up from where he'd been sitting. "I'm leaving now that all is right with the world again. Coming Matt? 'Cuz I'm leaving without you if you aren't."

Matt looked to Mello then back to me. "Call if you need anything." I nodded. Matt and Mello left, leaving me to wonder where Derek was. I snuck around the apartment for a bit, looking for him, only to see him practically passed out on his bed which he'd fought so desperately to give me. I doubted he knew how grateful I was for everything he'd done, and I knelt by his side as he slept. He snored quietly, and I smiled slightly, pushing a strand of hair out of his face. I owed him so much already, and I'd only known him for a few weeks. I kissed him on the forehead in his sleep, and he mumbled, "Love you, Mom…"

I recoiled a bit. I never missed my mom – how can someone miss something they never had? I always figured that Father and I were all we needed. But then I started thinking – if Mom hadn't left Father, none of this would've happened. Father wouldn't have brought home a different whore every night, he wouldn't have made the mistake of picking Vendetta, and Vendetta wouldn't have killed him.

Tears welled up in my eyes again as I realized that if Mom had stayed, so many of my problems would have been nonexistent. Then I realized… If Mom had stayed, I might not have had to get that job. Without working at GameStop, I wouldn't have met Mello, Matt, or Derek. I wouldn't have ever eaten at Applebee's; I wouldn't have danced to Michael Jackson when I was supposed to be taking inventory.

As Derek mumbled in his sleep, I was assured that the three men in my life more than made up for the fact that I never had a mother.

With my thoughts in turmoil, I hugged Carter tightly to my chest, and went back to the couch, laying back down with tear-filled eyes.

"_Crying is not going to get you anywhere in this world_."

I swore that I could hear Mello's voice, but as I heard the words a second time, I couldn't help thinking to myself, 'Then it's a damn good thing I don't plan on being able to do anything substantial with my life.'

* * *

**_"Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this so easily?" - "Why", Secondhand Serenade_**


	7. Spill

***Ohmigawdddd… I hate writer's block soooo much. This chapter sucks big time because of my writer's block. Please don't stop reading at this chapter. Wait for the next update. I swear to God it'll be better.**

****Love love love love to – **_**Josephine Falnor, me (anonymous), angelofyouth1427, If N When, Kavyle, Gwenny-Dear, Numanife, **_**and**_** icanreadyourmind **_**for awesomely reviewing and being awesome. I suffered through this horrifically written chapter in hopes to bring you a better one next time around.**

*****I own Death Note. Period. Obviously. Because if I owned Death Note, I would definitely be sitting here writing fanfiction with an original character for my own amusement instead of actually **_**inserting **_**her into Death Note.**

I was up at seven-thirty the next morning – Saturday. After all the events of yesterday, I had fallen asleep at around midnight. I figured the least that I could do for Derek was cook him breakfast. I started rummaging through his cupboards and fridge, looking for something to make, finally coming up with pancake batter and bacon. I started the stove, taking a breath in as a wave of peace washed over me. I was comfortable in the kitchen – here, I had control over everything.

Derek rolled out of bed around eight o' clock, adorably bedheaded as he walked into the kitchen sleepily.

"What the hell… I smell bacon…" I turned and smiled at him, and his eyes widened. "What are you doing cooking? You're my guest, damn it!" I couldn't manage to take him seriously, what with the bedhead and half-opened eyes, and I said, "Sit, Derek. I made food."

He pouted, but grudgingly obliged. "You're lucky I'm not much of a morning person, otherwise I would've put up a better fight."

I placed some food on a plastic plate and then turned to him. "Are you kidding? This is the least I can do after all you've done for me. Besides, it sorta keeps me calm."

Even though it had only been one night, I already felt halfway healed over what had happened. Just being with Derek helped, and Matt's acts of kindness did too. Even Mello's behavior had brought me up, no matter how backhanded his help was.

Derek and I sat in the kitchen talking for hours, literally, about any and everything. I think he was trying to get my mind off things, but I was really just trying to get to know him better. It worked, too – he told me all kinds of stories from his childhood, from the time his oldest sister painted his nails as he slept (and he sort of liked it), to when his younger brother contracted pneumonia at age two. He brought me almost to tears, between laughter at stories like the first and sadness at stories like the last.

We sat in silence for a bit, and I thought he had nothing more to say – but then he broke down, asking, "So… are you going to tell me what was going on in that house of yours?"

I looked down into the milk I was drinking, happy it wasn't water so I couldn't see my reflection. Derek didn't mean "What happened to your father?" He meant, "What was so wrong in your life that you couldn't tell me?"

"I-I…" I shut my eyes tightly – would he think less of me because of my mother? Would he think I was stupid for staying with my father? Would he think I was weak for letting myself get taken advantage of?

"Raven." I felt a hand on my hand, and I opened my eyes to see Derek staring at me from across the table. "No matter what you tell me – you will always be my best friend."

I sighed roughly, and set the milk down on the table, putting my elbows on the table and letting my head rest in my hands.

"I was born… because my parents were stupid…" I began softly, unsure of how to go about this. The progression of my story was slow and painstaking, but Derek stuck with me the entire way, never saying a word. By the time I finished, I was in tears, the kind Mello had warned me would get me nowhere. Derek was silent as I cried, standing up from the table. He walked around to my side… and hugged me with love the kind I'd never felt. I completely collapsed with his arms around me, sobbing into his chest like a total baby. We stayed like that for the better part of five minutes, until Derek said, "Hey. You wanna watch a movie?"

I nodded, not saying a word.

We migrated to Derek's television, and I sat down on the couch, letting my tears dry. He knelt down in front of the entertainment system, digging through various movies. He tossed one out after another, and said, "Okay, I have romantic comedies, bawl-your-eyes-out tragic love stories, a couple musicals, and… the entire Die Hard series, plus a few Kevin Costner flicks."

"Rather unusual array of movies for a guy…"

"I'm an unusual guy, if you haven't noticed." I smiled, cheeks dry.

"Do you have Music and Lyrics?"

"Ohmygawd, yeah! I _love _that movie!" Derek enthusiastically threw himself into looking for the DVD, and I laughed a bit.

I needed to laugh. I needed to get my mind off of everything. Derek, Matt, and Mello were my everything now, the things I needed to get me through this. We could do it. _I _could do it.

I knew I could. At any rate, I had to. It wasn't a choice anymore.

I had to grow up.

And that one simple fact scared the living _shit_ out of me.

We sat through the movie, and Derek actually fell asleep halfway through, head on my shoulder. I figured he'd seen the movie more times than he could count if he _loved _the movie and still managed to fall asleep in the middle of it. I gently pushed Derek off of me, laying his head down on the couch and walking out of the room.

I scrolled through my contact list to _Matt_, and contemplated for a moment or two whether or not to call him.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, Matt… It's Raven."

"_Oh, hey Rae. Sorry, I'm sorta out of it."_

I quickly looked at the clock. Ten.

"Oh god, I woke you up, didn't I? I am so sorry, Matt, I didn't even think about it –"

"_Nah, I told you to call if you needed anything… What's up?"_

I bit my lip, feeling guilty. I didn't have a reason – I was just comfortable talking with Matt, in a different way than I was comfortable with Derek. Derek was like, big brother comfortable. Matt was like… like… I don't know how to say it. With Matt, I could just talk.

"I just… wanted to talk. You can go back to sleep if you want, it was really stupid of me to call so early."

"_Eh, I'm up now. Kinda. If I stop answering you I've fallen asleep again, don't take it personally."_ Matt chuckled a bit, and then turned serious. _"How're you doing, Rae?"_

"Truthfully, I'm a lot better than I thought I'd be. Between you, Derek, and Mello, I'm doing okay. Which reminds me… Mello wasn't mad that he got dragged into helping you, was he?"

"_Mello's always mad. It's just the way he functions. He's like the arch-villain in a game – no one knows exactly __**why **__he's mad, he just is. Besides, he couldn't say no."_

"Eh? Why not? It's not like I would've been mad or anything…"

Matt chuckled again. _"I'll tell you when you're older, sweetheart."_

My heart skipped a beat at the name, despite the teasing. We were both quiet for a moment, and then Matt said, _"You need to come over sometime so I can kill you in SoulCalibur. Derek told me you suck at that game. Easy win."_

The tone in his voice was playful, and I smiled a bit. He was clearly trying to get my mind off Father… and it was sort of working, to be honest. I actually felt a little guilty, like I was betraying Father by not paying attention to his death.

"Okay, Matt. I'll come over and you can kill me in that game some time. Sound good?"

"_Of course, Rae. And then I'll force you to eat more than three bites of some sort of food product. Seriously. Between Mello and me, I'm fairly certain we could shovel some food down that skinny little throat of yours."_

"As if Mello would do that. He's too grumpy to be involved in any sort of… fun? I don't know as though shoving food down someone's throat is fun."

"_Oh, but it is."_

"And you would know?"

"_Of course. I know __**everything **__Raven. I have the strategy guide to this little game called 'Life'."_

I heard someone in the background screaming, "_Matt! Matt, get in here, damn it, I got a lead before that bigheaded twit did!"_

"Sounds like you're wanted, huh?"

"_Yeah. I guess so. Call me whenever you wanna hang out, okay Rae?"_

"'Course, Matt."

"_Yeah, yeah, I'm coming! Bye Rae." _He hung up. Mello was certainly a pain-in-the-ass it seemed like – but he wasn't too bad. He just had problems, like everyone else does.

"_Raveeeeennnnnn!_ Where's the Mountain Dew?" Derek had awoken, clearly.

"I don't know… You're the one who lives here…"

"Yeah, but… but… yeah, okay, you got me there."

_Maybe… Maybe I didn't need Father after all…_

**_"When you go, would you even turn to say, 'I don't love you, like I did yesterday'?" - "I Don't Love You", My Chemical Romance_**

* * *


	8. Pushover

_***Psst… Is this chapter eight? Or seven? I don't remember… Anyway, I'm really happy with that feedback I'm getting for this story. It makes my life better. This chapter is really short, but very important… I realize that it's been very MattXRaven so far, but Mello starts getting into the action this chapter. ;) Oh, and to the reviewer who said that she was sensing DerekXRaven? I have plans for Derek, but they don't involve him and Raven getting together. =]**_

_****Thanks and love to all my reviewers, without whom I would have ZERO inspiration. You guys are the reason that I keep writing, and I try my hardest to keep you happy. Love to – Josephine Falnor, icanreadyourmind, If N When, Gwenny-Dear, angelofyouth1427 (you kick ass, by the way, for being with me for so long), Kavyle, MissehKeehl, and melloxchocolatexluva.**_

_*****Death Note is the shit, and as such it is too awesome for my teenage fangirl brain to own. If I did own it… Hmm… If I did own it, I would proceed to put Light in a dress and force him to sing "Man in the Mirror". Because it would make my day. Now, please enjoy this chapter, darlings.**_

"So… Is this what you do all day?"

"…Yeah. Pretty much." Matt's room was practically video game heaven, and I knew that by the end of our time together I was going to have thrown many a fit over losing to him.

"What's Mello do while you hole up in here?"

"I don't actually know. He's sort of a brooding emo kid, to be honest with you."

"_Matt! I am __**not **__a brooding emo kid!"_

"Sorry, Mello! Of course not!" Matt sighed, and then proceeded to sit down and begin going through game after game after game. "Ah… I have found it…"

"'It' being…?"

"Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Duh. Since I know that you suck at SoulCalibur, I figured we'd start off with a game that it's possible you'd be okay at."

I took a deep breath, and prepared myself for the worst. Unfortunately, what I envisioned as the worst was clearly not what I was prepared for.

Matt was on a _whole _different level than Derek. Pun not intended. My mouth set in a determined line as I got ready for the next round.

"Geez. Derek's right. You do suck."

"…Shut up and start it again."

About five rounds in I was completely fed up, and Matt was laughing his ass off. I turned my gaze on him sharply.

"What the _hell _do you find so amusing?!"

He could barely stop laughing long enough to answer me, but he managed to choke out, "You're… so determined… win… but suck…"

I blushed beet red, and stalked out of his room, leaving him there hoping that he would just lie down and die. I stalked through the house until I finally found Mello, sitting in the kitchen eating a chocolate bar with a scowl on his face. Not that he ever sits _anywhere _without a scowl on his face. It's just what he does.

He raised an eyebrow at my still pink cheeks.

"What's your problem?"

"…Don't wanna talk about it."

We sat there quietly for a moment, and then Mello said something that caught me completely off-guard.

"Are you stupid?"

I looked up at him in shock, eyes wide. "N-no… I mean…"

"Well if you aren't, then why the hell did you put up with all the shit your dad put you through?"

I looked away from him, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

"I'm not an idiot, Raven, I can piece together that what looks like a broken home, is a broken home – some more broken than others. Why the hell did you stay with him if things there were so bad?"

I felt water welling up in my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of him after what he said to me last time. I looked everywhere in the room but him, and said, "You wouldn't understand."

Mello's eyes narrowed – I didn't know how the atmosphere in this house had gone from so light-hearted to so tense at so quick a speed. "You're right. I don't understand why you stayed with your father, who was banging hookers every night until one of them finally took initiative and killed the bastard like you should've so long ago."

"You didn't know him the way I knew him…" I managed to choke out, not nearly as steady as I wanted it to be. Mello rolled his eyes.

"Say it as cliché as you'd like. All I know is as soon as he bit the dust you'd upped your status in the world. Because you're worth way more than he is, no matter how much of a pushover you are." I sat there, in Matt and Mello's kitchen, fuming as he exited the room. I swallowed, fighting the tears off, and Matt entered soon after Mello had left, still chuckling a bit to himself.

"Okay. Okay, I'm done. Do you want something to eat or any –"

"No," I cut him off, "I need to go back to Derek's. I need to get my stuff and go back home."

Matt's expression turned from carefree to shocked. "Raven… You just left your house two days ago. It's Sunday, everything that happened happened on Friday –"

"No. I need to get home. Seriously."

Matt looked into my eyes, concerned. "I don't exactly have a vehicle available to me at the moment –"

"Shut up, Matt, I'll take her," Mello said, re-entering the room. Apparently he'd been listening the whole time. I looked at him with harsh eyes.

"Maybe I don't want you to take me." I stared defiantly into his face and his expression hardened.

"It's not about what you want. Put this on." Mello threw a helmet to me, and I caught it reluctantly. As mad as I had been, I really didn't want to fight with him.

"Mello, maybe this isn't such a good –"

"Shut up, Matt," Mello repeated, "I'll take her to Derek's." Matt was confused as to what had happened between us, I was sure, but said nothing more on the matter. Matt's like me – he's a follower.

Mello, however, was exactly the opposite. Bastard. As if I wanted to be anywhere near him, and all he had was a motorcycle, which required me to be in extremely close proximity to him.

I got onto the vehicle without complaint, however extreme the profanity I was screaming in my head. I wrapped my arms around his waist reluctantly even though it didn't seem to faze him a bit, and we were off. The ride to Derek's was relatively long – Derek had dropped me off at Matt and Mello's place before going to see his parents. I found myself actually getting comfortable there with Mello; despite the few bumps in the road, he was really a very good driver. As we went on, I started thinking about what he said.

After interpreting it, I started wondering if the harshness of what he said was secondary to the message. By the time we made it to Derek's, I had settled on that conclusion.

I slowly pulled away from his body, getting off the motorcycle carefully, and stared into Mello's face.

"What?" he asked roughly, "You're here, aren't you? Get out of here, Derek can take you to your place later."

After a second of thought, I finally got up the courage to hug him, and he locked up in my arms.

"Thank you," I whispered, and pulled away quickly. Mello didn't move for a minute before rolling his eyes.

"Whatever. Call if there's an emergency, but other than that don't bother me. I've got Matt to do that."

I looked down at the ground – the gruffness in Mello wasn't something I was fond of. Sure, I _thought _that he wasn't that bad of a person, deep down, but I'm not so great at reading people. I couldn't be sure. For all I knew, I could've just alienated him by giving him a hug.

I nodded, and walked into Derek's house. Mello waited there until I got through the doorway, and pulled away, not going back to his and Matt's place. I wondered for a moment where he was going, and then realized it wasn't any of my business.

I sighed before proceeding to pack my bag, grabbing Carter and sitting down on the couch when I had finished packing. I flipped through the channels for a moment before giving up and flopping down on the couch.

My brain hurt from trying to decipher the enigma that was Mello.

* * *

**_"And I ain't gonna lie, I can be a nasty guy..." - "Kiss My Sass", Cobra Starship_**


	9. Care

***Ah, chapter nine. This chapter's sorta short, but I'd like to address a few issues that have come up with my writing, if everyone would bear with me for a moment.**

**1. Raven has some Mary-Sue tendencies. I've tried my hardest to keep her from being that without rewriting my first chapter, but it seems that is the only way to fix this problem. However, until I get my lazy ass around to doing that, just pretend with me that her past isn't as tragic as I've made it. As soon as my life slows down long enough for me to fix it, I will, and I know exactly what and how I'm going to do it. Thank you to **_**girl with grey eyes **_**for walking through this with me.**

**2. Not nearly as important as my first reason, but still a flaw – Raven got over her dad's death very very quickly. I honestly didn't realize how quickly I'd done this until a couple reviewers (**_**angelofyouth1427 **_**and **_**girl with grey eyes)**_** pointed it out. And then I was like, 'Damn. I am a total dumbass.' In my defense, the way I'd pictured it in my head was that she had Mello, Matt, and Derek helping her out, and secondly her father wasn't ever anything but a burden to her, so really her life was only getting better. I try to backpedal a bit in this chapter, but I'm not sure how successful my attempt was… However, this situation is still not very realistic, and for that, I apologize.**

**3. The lack of eating – to begin with, I had thought that I was going to have Raven develop anorexia. However, as time went on, and again, thanks to **_**girl with grey eyes**_** for helping me out, I decided against it. It will be a lighthearted plot point that will be touched on, but it won't become an actual disorder, even though I may play with it every now and then.**

****Oh, dear God, that got long, didn't it? Can everyone tell this is my first serial fanfiction? T.T Anyway, thanks and love to the reviewers from last chapter! As stated above, you guys help me out tremendously. So, my heart and soul goes out to – **_**Josephine Falnor (I absolutely adore Brawl), simsbabii (You can stop inbox stalking now, eh?), icanreadyourmind (Haha, apologize to your bff for me. =)), xXRebeccaxRiverXx (Here's an update, sweetie.), girl with grey eyes (You helped me an outrageous amount, thank you ever so much.), angelofyouth1427 (Oh, yeah, Vendetta's definitely going to show up soon… **__**very**__** soon *hint*.), Kavyle (I don't know how I'm going to do it, honestly. =/), melloxchocolatexluva (Your vote's been taken. =)), If N When (Oh yeah, Mello's a sexy beast.), **_**and **_**MissehKeehl (You'd like to know, wouldn't you? ;)).**_

*****I don't own Death Note, the manga/anime of amazing awesomesauce. If I did… I don't. Leave it at that. Enough of my rambling. Please read, and forgive my flawed writing. =/**

* * *

I stood there, staring at my home, the place I'd always come back too. Derek peered into my face, looking concerned.

"Raven… Are you sure you want to –"

"…Yeah." I picked up my bag and walked into the house that held memories of every kind, shutting the door in Derek's face. I breathed out once, trying to prepare myself for what was going to flood my mind when I entered the house. It ended up being a train wreck, with my emotions getting the better of me and physically collapsing in my room on my bed. _I miss him. _Daddy… How did it come to this? Where'd you go? Heaven? Hell? I don't even know if I believe in either.

Matt, Mello, and Derek – they've been absolutely amazing. They're the only things that have kept me grounded at this point in my life. Day after day after day passed – for two weeks I went to work, I fell back into a numb routine in which I never felt anything.

And then, in the beginning of August, I heard a knock on my door. I assumed that it was Matt or Derek – I don't see much of Mello anymore. Since the day he brought me back to Derek's, we haven't talked much. The hug sorta pissed him off, I think…

I walked to the entrance and opened the door without bothering to check who was there. And there she stood – impeccably sexy, and indescribably dangerous. I gasped, and took a shocked step back.

_Vendetta._

"Hey, now, honey," she said, walking into my home without a second lost, "Don't be scared. I told you I'd be back, I'm just looking out for you." A wink my way, and she strutted into the living room, looking around at all of my belongings.

"Oh?" Vendetta picked up a photograph of mine, and fire burned in my eyes without my body being able to move a muscle. "And who are… _they_?" The last word was said with such disgust that I recoiled a bit despite the fact that my every urge was to spit in her face. If she so much as harmed that photo, there would be hell to pay.

Or there would be, if she didn't have a gun outlined beneath her shirt.

"_Who are they?_"

Filthy maneater, she'd better not harm any of them.

"Matt. Mello. Derek."

The photo was my only one of all four of us. Matt, Derek, and I had dragged Mello to the park, before my father died, and I gave the camera to a stranger and asked him to take pictures of the four of us. He found it a bit of an awkward request, but he complied anyway.

"What did I _tell _you about _men_?"

I flinched. It was quite the sight, really. Derek and I were going down the slide together – rather, he had grabbed me around the waist and taken me down the slide with him, so my face was contorted into a mixture of exhilaration and shock, laughing the entire way. Matt was sitting beside the slide, feet dangling from the playset – he was so happy, he'd gotten a new PSP game, I don't even remember what it was, and he was playing it, face screwed up with determination. Mello was sitting down on the ground, leaning up against the bottom of the slide, chewing on a chocolate bar as always – it was only seconds before Derek and I had collided with the back of his head, much to his anger and Derek's amusement.

"…That they needed to die." Vendetta gripped my chin in her hands, forcing me to look at her. She was taller than me due to the stiletto heels, and the height was intimidating. Her face was grim, and then she let go of my face, looking away.

"I'll let them teach you, I suppose. That's how I had to learn." She exited the room, saying, "I'm staying here for a night or two. And you'd better hope to hell that none of your boyfriends show up. Because if they do, they won't see the next morning."

I shut my eyes tightly.

"I'll be staying in your father's room, darling. I hope you don't mind."

My eyes shot open. I hadn't even been in Father's room since… since… I really don't have to say it, do I? It was silent in the house for the next hour except for the occasional creak of floorboards above.

I hated this. I hated her. And I hated the fact that she had so much power over me.

"V-Vendetta?" My voice was shaky, resolve and confidence gone. "M-may I go out?" Why the hell was I asking her permission? This was _my _house, damn it!

"Of course, sweetheart. I'm not going to control your life or anything."

I flew out the door, walking briskly down the street. Stupid bitch, coming back like this, get out of my goddamn life, I don't want you anywhere near me –

I ran smack into a man head to toe in leather. The tears welled up in my eyes, and I grasped him in my arms, still trying to hold back all the emotion I was feeling. "M-Mello…"

"What the hell…?" I didn't respond, merely holding on to him.

"Hey, what the _hell _is your problem, Raven?" I shook my head, which was buried in his chest, much to his dismay. The physical contact was the most awkward I'd ever experienced, but Mello, despite the cold person he was, made me feel better. I finally pulled away, eyes wet with tears unshed.

"…You are one fucked up fruit loop Raven." And I couldn't take it. That shy wall came down, and all the words I hadn't said but I'd thought came out all at once. Anger flared in my chest, and I went off.

"Do you have the slightest _goddamn clue_ what I'm feeling right now?! My father's dead, and all you can do is tell me not to cry? What kind of friend are you, Mello? You're such a _jerk_, I can't believe I ever thought highly of you –"

"You really think I _care_ what you think of me, Raven?" I should've known Mello was the wrong person to go off on. "I never claimed to be your _friend_, I do not _care _what you're going through! I have bigger things to worry about than some immature, scared little girl who can't take care of herself, damn it!"

My eyes widened, and I recoiled as he sneered at me and continued. "You're absolutely _worthless!_ Why don't you take better care of yourself?! You never stick up for anything, you're too passive, and you cling to people so you're completely codependent! You can't live without people Raven, and people aren't always going to be there for you!"

He ranted on and on and on for a long while, and my brief spurt of courage had long died by the time he was done. Mello left, and after recollecting myself at least partially I returned home to the house and Vendetta.

And no matter how I tried to deny it, I couldn't help thinking that maybe Vendetta was right.

"_Don't cry, sweetheart. You're too pretty for that. Men are worthless and good-for-nothing creatures who take advantage of the women who care about them. Learn that lesson, and you'll be doing okay in life." She kissed me on the forehead. "Men beat you, men leave, men tear your heart to shreds. Which is why they have to die. Every. Last. One."_

What kind of world do we live in in which people are so cruel?

And why do people still care regardless?

* * *

**_"These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks..." - "I'm Not Your Boyfriend, Baby", 3OH!3_**


	10. Shock

***Okay, so I took the Mary-Sue detector test. And I was pleased with the results. Raven got fourteen points, and anything under sixteen is ****not**** a Sue. So, while I may or may not still rewrite my first chapter, this puts my mind at ease a bit. Thanks for giving me a link to the litmus test, Kavyle. =]**

****Okay, everyone wait for it… I WOULD LIKE TO THANK – **_**Josephine Falnor (by no means do I agree with Vendetta, either), becca670 (You are so amazing for reviewing all my chapters! Words can't express my gratitude!), Lazy/Anonymous (I thought Mello had been sorta passive as well.), melloxchocolatexluva (I said that to a friend of mine once… She wasn't too happy with me. T.T), MissehKeehl (The 'thing' that happens with Derek begins this chapter… Or, I set the stage for it this chapter. You shan't have to wait long. And you should update Artificial again soon!), simsbabii (It's hard for me to make Mello likeable without also making him really out of character… =/), icanreadyourmind (I'm glad I've been forgiven. =)), Numanife (I don't know the pairing yet… But I'm keeping score! =)), Practically Venomous (I HATE YOU! GO AWAY! …I love you… =)), Kavyle (You'll find out this chapter. And in no way whatsoever does it offend me. Thanks again for the link! =)), **_**and **_**angelofyouth1427 (I've never actually seen V for Vendetta, to be honest… =/ And I feel the same way about clingy people. xD) – **_**Now, everyone imagine I said all of that in one breath, which would be extremely impressive. =D**

*****I DON'T OWN DEATH NOTE! …If I did, L Lawliet/Mello/Matt would all take turns being god of the new world. Screw Kira. =) (To Melissa: **_**You've just been struck by the Holy Spirit! Now hold my dad's hand! **_**…Ah, we have good times at mass… Even though I'm an atheist… =) And it was better than holding your grandma's hand! Her hands were ****cold****!**_**)**_

**P.S. – The score thus far is – MattXRaven with three votes, and MelloXRaven with two votes. Review if you'd wish to vote… And by the way, I got a message pertaining to this – DerekXRaven is not a pairing. You'll see why in this chapter. =D I still have big plans for Derek though. Fret not.**

It was chilly outside. The transition had been made from summer into fall, and everything was starting to change. I'd avoided Mello like the plague since the confrontation we'd had, and much to my dismay it had been a week and Vendetta was still around. I was beginning to wonder if she'd ever leave. For that matter, why

I was sitting out on the roof, feet dangling out from over it, taking in the light drizzle of rain. I spotted a familiar head of hair walking towards my front door, and my eyes widened, jumping through the window and back into my house. I flew to the front door, "Vendettai'mgoingout" escaping my lips before bursting out of the house, grabbing Matt by the wrist and pulling him away from my place of residence urgently.

Matt looked at me, and back to my place of residence, confused. "Uhh… Weren't we supposed to chill at your house today?"

Oh, yeah… We'd made those plans just before I blew up on Mello, before Vendetta had shown up…

"B-but, uh, it's so nice outside… I figured we could go hang out somewhere else."

"Rae. It's raining."

…I'm a dumbass.

I stopped, but Matt held onto my hand. "But we can go somewhere else, if you want. I'm a pretty laid-back guy, if you haven't figured that out by now."

I looked at the ground, bangs falling in my face. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. You're the one who decided we weren't going to your house, for whatever mysterious reason." We locked eyes, and I looked away, unable to stare him in the face.

We were quiet for a moment, the only sound being the rain falling to the ground. Looking around, the world was bleak, gray. My mind was completely absorbed in thoughts, trying to figure things out, attempting to –

"Raven," Matt started, never letting go of my hand, "are you okay?"

I shook my head, sticking a fake smile on my face. "'Course Matt. Why wouldn't I be?"

To be honest, the physical contact was throwing me off just a little bit.

Matt eyed me funnily, still sensing the fact that I was hiding something, namely that there was a serial killer in my house. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell any of them. Not without instilling fear in my heart that one of them would get severely hurt. I mean, guys like Mello and Matt aren't the type of people to go around with a gun at their side all the time, right?

Even if they did, I don't think either of them would be able to kill anyone. They aren't coldblooded enough for that. Deep down, no matter what happens between Mello and I, I still believe he's a good person. I'm just an original Pollyanna, aren't I? Screw that shit…

"Come on. Let's go see Derek." I sighed. I had sort of been hoping that it would just be Matt and I… but maybe Derek would help out with the awkward tension. We arrived at Derek's place, and we both knocked on the door with no answer. This didn't make any sense, because Derek's car was parked in the driveway. I thought maybe he'd walked somewhere, but Matt didn't seem to think so.

Matt proceeded to walk into Derek's house, without a second thought. I looked around wildly, and then Matt looked back at me.

"What the – Matt, what're you –"

"Rae. It's Derek. Seriously. As if he'll care." Matt rolled his eyes at me and walked through the front door without pause. I followed shortly after looking around again, making sure we weren't going to get thrown in jail for breaking and entering or something.

"_**All eyes on me, in the center of the ring just like a circus –"**_ A high, terribly off-key falsetto voice singing Britney Spears was the last thing I expected to hear when walking into Derek's house. Matt's lips trembled, holding back a laugh, and I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle giggles. Derek came down the stairs with a towel around his waist and Matt and I in the living room, doubled over and succumbing to insane fits of giggles as a high-pitched scream escaped his lips.

"Oh my God!" He was completely shocked and out of breath, holding on to a wall for support. "You guys scared the living _shit _out of me!"

"S-sorry, Derek," I stuttered through my laughter.

" What the hell is _wrong _with you?! You two should know better than to interrupt a gay man in his 'primping' time!"

I froze. "…What?" He couldn't have said what I thought he had said.

"Primping time. You know, the time when people make themselves look socially acceptable? You really don't want to see me before primping, it's not a pretty sight."

Matt eyed me from the side. "You didn't know Derek was gay, did you?"

Derek was looking at me worriedly, and I made eye contact with him briefly before looking at Matt.

"N-no… I didn't… It doesn't really bother me, it just came as a shock."

Derek stared at me carefully. "What do you mean you didn't know? I willingly watched Music and Lyrics with you, did I not?"

To be honest, I'd been raised to see homosexuality as a 'sin' of sorts, even though I wasn't religious whatsoever. Father had always told me that it was unnatural and wrong, and while personally I didn't have a problem with it, old habits die hard. I cling to what Father taught me. It's what I know, it's what's safe. How on earth could I cope with the fact that my best friend in the entire world was gay?

What would this do to Derek and I? How could I look him in the eyes with feelings like these?

I managed to plaster on a smile, and pass it off like nothing was wrong, making a mental note to rearrange my thoughts later. Stupid past, screwing around with my current life…

We hung out for the rest of the day, the three of us, even though I was a little more subdued than usual for the obvious reasons. I was zoned out the entire day, with things I'd heard from Father running through my brain.

_Gay people spread AIDS._

_They're unholy, sinful._

_They're unclean._

My list could go on, but I'll stop there. Nonetheless, I was completely torn. It felt like my heart was being forced to choose between loyalty to my father, and loyalty to my best friend. Loyalty to the present, or loyalty to the past. Blind prejudice, or deep friendship? Matt and I left Derek's, and Matt said, "Should I go home? You're acting like you don't want me around."

I looked at him quickly, and as he turned to walk away, I said, "Wait…"

He stopped. "Yeah?"

"Can we… go to my park?"

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Your park?"

"Yeah. My park. I go there to dance all the time. I'm comfortable there."

"Okay. Let's go." We walked to my park, and it was a little different for me than usual. I'd never gone there with someone before, and during the day no less. I always felt completely comfortable with Matt, despite what I wanted to talk to him about.

"Alright," he said, "I know there was an ulterior motive to you wanting me here, so spill it, Rae. What's going on?"

I sat down on a bench, pulling my legs up under me and looking down. He sat beside me, bringing one knee up to his chin and staring at me, red hair ablaze in the sun.

"It's about… Derek…" Matt nodded once, as if he knew this was coming.

"His sexuality, huh? It's that big of a deal?" The way he said it wasn't condescending, or patronizing, and it was quite the relief.

My eyes shifted from side to side, a bit ashamed of what I was admitting, like I knew I was wrong for judging based on something like this. "It's not my opinion. It was my father's."

"Then why does it matter to you, Rae?"

"Because… I feel like I'm not respecting him if I go against his ideas."

"Just because you don't respect some of his ideas doesn't mean you can't still love him."

We talked for awhile, without anything actually being resolved. It did make me feel better, while my thoughts were still a jumbled mess. I managed to keep the tears away, despite my emotions being in utter turmoil.

And then I realized I was doing the same thing to him as I did to Mello, dumping all my problems on him without any regard for his space. I'm a goddamn nervous wreck.

I smiled weakly, and laughed sadly. "I'm sorry, Matt… I'm just laying all my issues on you…"

He looked into the setting sun, and then back at me, and did something totally unexpected. He wrapped his arms around my torso, and pulled me into his body with a hug. I went limp in the gamer's arms, managing to barely return it. He kissed me gently on the forehead, and I melted.

"No matter what, Rae," he whispered, "You've always got me. Regardless."

My smile was subdued, but still there, and I said, "I doubt it's much of a return gift… But I'm always here for you too."

* * *

**_"You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken, like remember when, you took my heart and put it back together again?" - "Ultimate", Lindsay Lohan_**

* * *

_***OKAY, PEOPLE, clarifying this NOW before I get hate mail/reviews! I am **__**not**__** homophobic! My dear uncle is gay. I thought this would be an interesting twist to Raven's character, and in no way do I think that gay people spread AIDS, are unholy, etc. It's only a plot twist. Please don't take it as more than that. Please and sankyuu. =] J'adore... *insert French word for 'fluff' here*.**_


	11. Purpose

***OH MY GODD! I UPDATED RELATIVELY FAST! It's because I'm home alone and I don't have to be off the computer at any specific time… xD This is actually sort of bad for me to be doing right now. I should actually be writing my collaboration story with Melissa who is the B.B. to my L, the Near to my Mello, the Kaoru to my Hikaru, the Kyoya to my Tamaki, the Fuji to my Eiji… You all get the picture, and kudos if you got all the references in there. ;)**

****Here they come… Reviewers of amazing awesomesauce! Thanks to – **_**icanreadyourmind (Derek reminds me of one of my best friends, who is, sadly, not gay. Although I still love him dearly. =)), melloxchocolatexluva (Haha yeah, MelloXRae is definitely a pairing.), TheContheDistance (I'm so glad you think Raven isn't a Mary-Sue. That makes me feel better.), VampyViolet (Thank you so much!), simsbabii (The Mary-Sue Test is there to point out improvements that can be made to a character, not cut them down… Don't get too heartbroken over it. =)), angelofyouth1427 (The love triangle… I'm working on it… I don't want it to be totally awkward, so I'm trying to ease into it, if that makes sense.), MELISSA (STOP BEING LAZY, DUMBASS! …And I like fluff…), Numanife (MattXRae cuteness makes me happy… Mello's in this chapter though. =)), MissehKeehl (Don't calm down yet, there's more to do with Derek coming up next chapter… I'll leave you waiting in suspense. ;)), If N When (I would give Mello to Derek, but I have big plans for Derek. EVIL plans… ;)), **_**and **_**Kavyle (I do believe you should update Friend soon, now? ;)).**_

*****Disclaimer, my loves! I don't own Death Note or anything like that! I have nothing clever to say here… So please read. =) **

******P.S.: The song Raven is dancing to is "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin. Don't ask me why. She just is. It's not like I have control over what she does or anything. =)**

* * *

"_**She's into superstition, black cats and voodoo dolls…"**_

It was an extremely lighthearted song, considering why I was dancing, to straighten out my thoughts and whatnot. It was coincidental that it was what I was moving to – it had come on, and a dance of this sort seemed appealing at the moment.

"_**Upside, inside out, living la vida loca…"**_

Okay, first of all – Derek's homosexual. Deep inside, I knew this shouldn't bother me whatsoever. But that loyalty that ties me ever so loosely to Father keeps making me wonder if maybe it's wrong to stay close with him. On the flip side, Derek is my all time best friend – how could I deal with losing him to something so trivial?

"_**Woke up, in New York City, in a funky cheap hotel…" **_

Secondly – there is a serial killer in my house and I don't even know _why she's there._ Like, she has some sort of screwed up fascination with me that my uneducated high-school-dropout mentality can't cope with. How the hell can I get her out of my life when I can't even get her out of my house?!

"_**She never drinks the water, makes you order French champagne…"**_

Thirdly – I'm fairly certain Mello is still pissed off past the point of no return at me. I know I should apologize to him, but I can't bring myself to muster up the courage it would take to approach him. He is a genuinely scary man when he wants to be, despite the fact that I consider him a friend even though he quite possibly hates me.

"_**She will wear you out, living la vida loca…"**_

I paused the music. Problems One and Two? I had no idea how the hell I was going to fix those. But I knew that if I ever wanted Problem Three to be okay again, I needed to suck it up and get over it, because otherwise Mello's anger was just going to fester and the situation was going to become unbearably awful.

Yeah. Pretty freaking loca, if I do say so myself. I felt better, even though the impending doom of tomorrow was floating overhead.

Seeing as how it was around two in the morning when I came to this epiphany, I went home and slept on the idea. This was a mistake, because when I woke up, I began second guessing myself. Somehow, I managed to clench my teeth together and make my way to their place of residence. I knocked on the door, resolve trembling unsteadily. Mello opened the door, and I wanted to faint. He turned around, saying, "Hey, Matt, someone's here for y –"

"No!" I blurted out, more forcefully than I'd meant to. He looked at me, eyes skeptical. "I mean… I wanted to talk to you, Mello." He looked back at me, raising an eyebrow, and then walked into the house, leaving the door open behind him. I took this as my cue to follow him, and found that he was heading to sit down in the kitchen. When he did, after retrieving a chocolate bar, I took a deep breath, and then exhaled, sitting down across from him.

It was silent for a moment, and I was backing out, getting ready to just make a run to go see Matt, when he said, "Well, if you have something to say, spit it out, damn it."

I closed my eyes, and said, "I… I'm sorry, M-Mello. S-sorry I'm not more independent. S-sorry I don't have m-more c-confidence."

Mello rolled his eyes. "You realize that in asking for my forgiveness you're just giving me power of you, right dumbass?"

I flinched. "I j-just… I envy you, Mello."

His eyes widened, as if this shocked him. For what reason, I can't imagine.

"What?"

"I envy you." I looked into his eyes, a new sort of tone to my voice. Was it… admiration? Yeah. That was it. "You're strong. Put together. Things don't get to you. You're… pretty much the idea of tough that comes to my mind –"

I was stopped short as he leaned across the table. I recoiled, slightly fearful of what he might be doing.

And he popped a chunk of chocolate into my wide open mouth.

I could take this two ways. One – Mello wished to asphyxiate me so I would shut up. Or two – all was right between us again. Not shockingly, I chose the latter.

"Shut up, idiot. I don't need some little girl hero-worshipping me or something." I looked to the walls, avoiding eye contact. I tend to do that often. Little girl? I'd really thought I'd done some growing up lately. It seems that no matter what I did, Mello managed to work in a backhanded comment somehow. He smirked as I managed to swallow the chocolate.

"See, you're already making progress. You just took in more calories in five seconds than you usually do in an entire month." The biting sarcasm sort of killed the moment, but regardless of what had happened, this was still Mello I was talking to. What did I expect him to do? Hug me and say, "Ohmigawd it's okay!"? That was Derek's job…

Oh… Derek…

I shook my head, shooing away all those thoughts. No way in hell was I going to let that screw with me right at the moment, not right when I'd made one of my issues okay.

I smiled softly, glad that my problem count was going down, and Mello turned his head slightly, looking at me skeptically. "What the hell are you giving me that face for?"

"Thanks, Mello. You're pretty much amazing." He shook his head, and rolled his eyes again.

"Hopeless…" I heard him mutter under his breath.

"Okay, yeah, maybe I am." I stood up, pushing myself away from the kitchen table. "But no matter what you might feel, you're still one of _my _best friends, regardless of whether I'm one of yours or not." I stretched my arms up above my head, feeling a hell of a lot better about everything with one matter resolved.

I've found that while loyalty can be a total bitch, it also helps people, or me, at least, get through things, even when the one you're loyal to can be a total asshole at times. If I could learn to not always take Mello's words at face value, I figured that we could do okay, even though I was majorly banking on the fact that my persistence wasn't just irritating him.

"Stupid girl. You really are a lost cause, you know that?"

I smiled brightly, grin wide. "Between Matt and me, you've really got your hands full at this point." I was completely ignoring his rhetorical question. …Although, if I hadn't ignored it, it wouldn't have been rhetorical. Whatever.

"…I liked you better when you just didn't talk to me." I let it roll off me, or attempted to. "Where'd the shyness in you go anyway? That was tolerable, at least."

Mello had grown on me. I didn't have that instant bond with him the way I did with Matt, or the feeling of having a sibling the way I did with Derek, but there was a connection there that had the same sort of feel to it. An underlying feeling of… I don't know what to call it. If I said fate, or destiny, it would be too clichéd. I'd watched Matt playing Kingdom Hearts a while back, and it was sort of like that stupid fruit in the beginning of it. A Paopu fruit? The fruit where 'if people share it, their destinies become intertwined'. It was something cheesy to that effect. All I knew at that point was that, for better or for worse, the four of us had met for a reason, and we were _supposed _to stay together.

Or… maybe that was just my naïveté talking.

Nonetheless, I had only them to thank for giving me a purpose. A reason to look forward to the next day. Just knowing that the three of them would be there was enough driving force for me.

As soon as I fixed things with Derek, I felt as though Vendetta would be easy to get rid of. With friends like mine, how wouldn't it be?

Funny how that whole naïveté thing works, huh?

Tomorrow morning… Derek and I would talk, and everything would be okay again. We'd work something out – he'd never gotten mad at me for being honest with him before. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Too bad that life is never that easy.

* * *

**_"You can only blame your problems on the world for so long, before it all becomes the same old song..." - "The Shipped Gold Standard", Fall Out Boy_**

* * *

**Super Awesome Ending Note of Amazing**

**Okay, ladies and gentle...women. I don't think any guys read this, so I'll go out on a limb there.  
I'm going to try my hardest to keep updating consistently. This is going to be difficult for me, because I have a rough schedule this year, and even though this is what I _want_ to be doing, Chemistry and Algebra II homework have to take precedence over it.  
Which is a total bitch, in my humble opinion.  
All I'm asking for is patience, desperately. I might be able to continue at my same pace - I might not be able to. Regardless, I'm thankful for everyone who's been so wonderful in helping me out. I still have big plans for this story. Stick around if you'd like to see how they unfold.**


	12. Revelation

***Okay, so… this chapter totally made me hate Vendetta. Not going to lie. She's still a cool character, in my opinion, but I was like screaming, 'You bitch!' in my head the entire time I wrote this. Actually, I'm home alone, so I kinda screamed it out loud too…**

****I do love my reviewers so. Thanks to – **_**icanreadyourmind (I'm working on the love triangle-ness. So, use your imagination. ;)), simsbabii (I only know French, but I can count to ten in Spanish! =D), MissehKeehl (The 'thing' happens this chapter… ;)), becca670 (Read on, love! =D), TheContheDistance (Mello's amazing. That's all there is to it. And it's not a secret anymore after this chapter…), **_**and **_**Practically Venomous (You are SO a dumbass! Being lazy just makes it worse!)**_

*****I don't know why you guys even bother to read my disclaimers. They suck. You should really know that I don't own Death Note by now.**

******Also, if Mello, Matt, or… well, anyone gets too out of character, please let me know. I'm really quite paranoid about that. I work uber-hard on keeping everyone the way they were in the original storyline. I would hate to screw that up. Also let me know if Raven's personality isn't consistent or whatnot.**

* * *

I was in an indescribably amazing mood when I headed home. I was absolutely ecstatic that things with Mello had been fixed, and I thought that nothing could possibly bring me down for the rest of the day. That thought was preposterous and I figured that much out as soon as I walked in the door of my house.

Derek was duct taped to the couch, and Vendetta was standing above him, knife in her right hand. I don't think either of them noticed me, and I stood there for a moment, paralyzed with shock.

"_Vendetta!_" Both she and Derek looked over to me, Vendetta's eyes crazed, and Derek's fearful.

"I told you," she said, short of breath, and I can only guess it was from exhilaration at Derek's fear. Her features danced with animosity, and I locked up in fear, deep, real, and terrifying fear. "I told you if any of them came here they would pay. And he said he wanted to _talk _to you about something. All any of them want is sex…"

I shook my head hurriedly, trying to find a way to talk Derek out of this. "Vendetta, Derek doesn't even like women. He's gay. He's my best friend. Don't you dare take him away from me!" Silent tears were falling, and it was like I knew that no matter what I did, he wouldn't be saved. Any effort on my part would be totally futile…

I had no power. I was weak.

Just like Mello said.

"Do you really think I care about his sexuality? His entire gender is to blame. He could be a eunuch and I wouldn't give a damn." Vendetta rammed a knife into Derek's left leg, and his scream pierced the air. I flinched, still at a loss for what to do. She had my best friend completely under her control, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"You claim," she said, running a finger down Derek's face but addressing me, "that he's your best friend. Why would you need something like that when you've got me, sweetheart?"

I recoiled. _What the hell was this crazy bitch talking about?!_

"L-like you?" She pulled the knife from Derek's leg, wound bleeding freely and cries of pain still finding their way out of his mouth. I cursed myself for not being able to move, for being subconsciously nailed to the spot where I was standing. "What do y-you mean?"

"Oh, you don't recognize me?" The dagger plunged into his right arm, and every time I heard him scream out the tears fell harder, faster. "Such a shame… I suppose it can't be helped, considering the situation."

Derek was writhing there on the couch, incapable of moving more than three inches in any given direction.

"Derek…"

Vendetta glided smoothly to stand behind the end of the couch that held Derek's head.

"Funny," she said, taking his head in her hands, and I saw Derek go rigid, fear still locked away in his eyes. "You remind me so much of this man I had the pleasure of 'serving' once. He'd promised me the world, security, love – and I completely broke him. Just thinking of it brings precious memories flooding back." She laughed psychotically, enough to paralyze anyone where they were standing. "It's really a shame, darling, that you have to see this, but pain is weakness leaving the body. By the time you and I are through Raven, you'll be one of the strongest females this world has ever seen."

She placed herself on top of Derek, kissing him in what I could only accept as some sort of ritual. And Derek tried to fight, the sight of him struggling so hopelessly tore my heart to shreds.

And Vendetta slit the throat of my best friend, who bled out in my living room.

"_No!_" My body became mobile again, and I flew to Derek's side, Vendetta getting off of him as I came near. "Derek, Derek, oh my God… Derek…" I wasn't capable of making coherent speech, most of my words being either 'Oh my God' or 'Derek'. Blood was all over me as I desperately checked for a pulse, checked for breathing, anything that could tell me that despite all the evidence, he wasn't dead.

I got up off my knees, turned around, teeth clenched and cheeks wet with tears. "You… you _bitch_! Who the hell are you to come into my life and do this to me?! My father first, and now my _best friend_… **What gives you the right to do this to me?!**"

Rage was coming to the surface, and never before had I so deeply wanted someone to hurt, to bleed, to die. Vendetta stared at me for a moment, and laughed, which only managed to piss me off even more.

How the hell does she _dare _to laugh in this situation?! My best friend was _gone _because of her, and all she could do was laugh?

"I told you honey, I'm all you need." I'd managed to form comprehendible sentences, and I snarled at her.

"Who are you to make that decision?" I was beyond pissed off. I wanted her to die. She killed Derek. An eye for an eye, right?

"Who am I?" Her laughter stopped, and she stood there, the two of us never breaking eye contact. She was a cold-blooded killer, a ruthless criminal. No way could we have any connection whatsoever.

"Who am I? Good question." She walked towards me, and I took a step back towards Derek's body, wanting nothing more than to be away from her.

"But really, you shouldn't question your mother's authority, Raven." I took my breath in sharply, trying to desperately believe it wasn't true.

"No." But there it was. I could see it. The body shape, the nose, the eyes – I could see myself in her.

"Yes," she smiled wickedly, "and I've come back for you Raven. Isn't that wonderful?"

I shook my head desperately. "You… You can't be…"

"Oh, but I am, darling. I'm not stupid enough to have a blind connection to something, I only go towards people I have reason to."

"You're _not_ my mother."

"You don't see the resemblance?"

"…A mother wouldn't do something like this, kill her daughter's best friend and father." Vendetta laughed that crazed laugh again, the one that sent goosebumps all over my body.

"Them? They were worthless, dear. Worthless, worthless creatures. That's all your precious father and Derek were. They were tools, for our use and benefit, to be disposed of as we see fit."

I shook with anger.

"It's not as if this Derek character could be more important to you than your own mother."

"_Stop it!_" It was a reflex. I didn't mean to do it. But I did it.

I pulled knife from Derek's body, the one Vendetta had failed to retrieve, and just slashed blindly, trying to make contact with flesh no matter what.

I don't know when she died. All I knew was, I didn't stop for what seemed like centuries. When I did, it felt like this dam broke, and these emotions all came flooding out – sorrow, fury, regret.

I sat there, on the floor, beside Vendetta's mutilated body. _Not my mother… She couldn't be…_ Deep inside, I knew it was true, and I couldn't move from the room with two dead bodies. My clothes were spattered with red, and the tears continued to fall. I had just… killed someone…

It's not that I think she was a good person, or that she deserved better. It was just so hypocritical of me, to kill her for killing someone.

And Derek… oh my God, Derek… I crawled over to where he was, sobbing pathetically.

"I never… g-got the chance to tell you I loved you Derek. That no matter what happened, I would love you. And now you're gone, and I'll never be able to tell you that." A cry escaped my lips, cracking through my words. I laid a hand on the side of his face – my hand streaked it with blood. I was caked in it after I… after I… tore Vendetta apart. I slowly pulled my phone out of my pocket, never once taking my eyes off Derek… Bloody, torn up Derek… I never got to apologize for all the things I'd put him through, and for doubting him in the end.

"_My dearest Raven, how are you today?"_ Matt's answer was enthusiastic, and I felt bad for asking for his help and killing his mood, but he promised… He promised that I'd always have him.

"Matt… Oh my God Matt…"

"_What's wrong, Rae? What happened?" _Matt's tone changed immediately.

"How… How fast can you be to my house?"

"_Three minutes. Flat. I'll be there." _He almost hung up.

"Wait! Can you… bring Mello?" Matt was silent for moment, as if he was pondering something. I just knew that I would feel better if the two of them were both here with me, even though Mello hates me for being clingy and dependent…

If killing the person who killed your best friend and your father isn't strong, then I don't know what is. And if this was what strength felt like, then I liked being a weak a hell of a lot better.

"Yeah. He'll be there too." I dropped the phone, not bothering to shut it, and collapsed beside Derek, tears still freely running down my face.

So much for 'together forever', huh?

* * *

**_"The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you..." - "Without You", RENT_**

* * *

***BAM***

**Two in two days. That makes me feel badass. Don't expect them to always come out this quickly, because they won't… This is like, hardcore for me. I might even get one out tomorrow, too! And I want you all to know I'm way better at updating my story than Melissa is at hers, and I'm saying this just to piss her shit off. =D I love you, my darling Hatsuharu to my Momiji, Zero to my Kaname, the Edward to my Alphonse… I could go on, but I do believe I will stop.**

…**Now off to do my Chemistry homework and watch a documentary on Woodstock…**


	13. Wreck

***Now, personally, I thought the last chapter was really hardcore. One of my weaknesses as an author is that, while I love writing death scenes, I'm awful at writing aftermath of it. So, if this doesn't completely work for you, please forgive me. It's short, and awful, and I'm very, very, very sorry. I've discovered that with this fanfic, slowly but surely I've managed to kill off half of my characters. Seriously. There were six characters in the story, and now three of them are dead. Not so slowly, even. Two of them died in one chapter. As such, a new one will come into play soon... xD **

****My ever-so-lovely reviewers. Thanks to – **_**simsbabii (I seriously freaked my cat out from screaming…), angelofyouth1427 (I really hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!), Practically Venomous (No way in hell am I as bad as Light the Scumbag.), Josephine Falnor (The last chapter made me really hate her. It did.), icanreadyourmind (You like RENT too? I LOVE RENT.), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 ('Bout time Vendetta died, right?), TheContheDistance (I wanted Raven to kill Vendetta as a bit of character development… Does that make sense?), becca670 (Aw, don't cry!), MissehKeehl (I MISS DEREK TOO! …But he had to die, unfortunately…), **_**and **_**melloxchocolatexluva (I honestly don't know who she's going to end up with yet…). ALL OF YOU. I LOVE YOU.**_

_*****The score? I figured I'd post it. The score thus far is – MattXRae: III MelloXRae: III. Vote, my children, vote… Please? If I end up with a tie, it means that I get to pick. And I'm sure no one wants that, right? Because if I get to pick, it'll end up being an angsty ending in which they ALL DIE. xD**_

_******So, I don't own Death Note. Got it memorized? I will love you forever if you get that reference…**_

* * *

Mello had been speaking softly, but nonetheless I heard it. His crude comments on everything, on the entire situation, on me. I didn't know which to stare at – Vendetta's body, or Derek's.

My mother had killed my best friend, and I had killed my own mother. And I'd never gotten the chance to talk to Derek… To tell him I loved him, like a brother and best friend. Ironically, the person who any other, more normal girl would talk to about grief like this was her mom.

He was gone. And it was my fault. My fault for not reacting. My fault for just watching. My fault for not getting rid of Vendetta sooner.

Mello had gone silent, and I didn't notice that Matt had shot him a look burning with the rage of a thousand suns. The blood spatters on my face were drying – I could feel them on my skin, cracking on my cheeks and neck. I was gross and disgusting, and I knew I was, but hell if I cared. My best friend was _dead. _And I could've stopped it, but I didn't, because I was too damn _scared._

Matt had been quiet since he'd entered the house, observing the situation, but finally he broke the silence. "Raven… Who was this woman?"

"Vendetta." I kept my answer short, praying to God they wouldn't ask questions, that I wouldn't have to tell them anything more…

"No." I had been standing and staring at her body, and Mello grabbed my wrist, picking up where Matt's question had left off. A shock went through my body as my skin made contact with his, the first time contact with me had ever been made of his own will. "Who was she to _you_?" I looked around skittishly, trying to find a way out of saying what I knew, to come up with a plausible lie.

My watery eyes met his, and thus far I'd managed not to cry. But the truth escaped my lips, and as Mello dropped my arm the tears fell, despite how hard I had tried to keep them at bay. I took in Matt's shocked face, but I couldn't hold his gaze, unable to stand beside the revelation I'd just given. They didn't have to know that I'd been living with her for the longest time. That was one secret that I had to manage to keep. I didn't want them to know that I had lied to them countless times…

"Wow. I didn't think you had it in you to kill someone, let alone your own mother. Kudos." Looking back, I think that was an attempt at dry humor, a twisted, sick way to cheer me up. At that point in time, it only made me cry, and cry, and cry.

"Don't…" I didn't have the strength to be angry, but I had to communicate this somehow. "Don't you even care? That Derek's gone? He was your friend, too, Mello…"

He looked out the window, and maintained a silence. Matt hung his head, and I knew we were all at a loss for what to do. I didn't know how I would manage to come back here again, or if I'd ever be able to. If I'd even want to.

"Raven." Matt's voice brought me back to reality. "Raven, go back to our place."

"No." My eyes were bloodshot, but determined. "I won't let you guys take care of this when it's my own fault."

"Raven, it's not –" Matt was cut off by Mello, interrupting him midsentence.

"Yeah. It is your fault." I recoiled at his words, cutting into my raw heart like a serrated knife. I had thought Mello and I were okay again, but I guess I was wrong. I knew I was the one to blame for this, it didn't come to me as any sort of surprise. "And even if it is, we'll clean up the mess." I looked at him, tears blurring my vision. "That's what best friends do, right, Matt?"

I looked to the side, eyes closing as I saw Matt nod his head, staring at me with a mix of pity and grief.

"Mello… Matt… I can't just –" Matt cut me off, strong despite what he was feeling as well.

"Rae." I was still and unmoving, determined even in my sorrow that I wouldn't leave them. "Go."

"No… Not without helping –"

"_Now. Don't __**argue**__, Raven."_

My resolve caved – as he knew, Mello knew, and everyone knows, I'm not a fighter by nature – and I left, taking Carter with me, and leaving the burden behind for Matt and Mello to take care of. Harsh Matt wasn't one I'd ever experienced, and he'd read me well enough to know I'd completely fall apart beneath something like that.

The day was bright, the sun was shining, and the sky was cloudless. Mother Nature's sardonic humor was brilliant today, mocking my every painful step, cutting into my emotional stability.

Matt.

Mello.

Derek.

Best friends forever. I thought so at least. That's what I'd tricked myself into believing, and look how it turned out. I didn't even know why Derek was coming over to talk to me, and now I never would. And then I realized –

It was my _birthday. Seventeen years old, as of seven forty-three this morning._ Derek was the only one who had known, the only one I'd told. The only one who had asked.

My breath caught in my throat. Derek had come over to wish me happy birthday. That was the only reasoning for it, and instead of finding me he found Vendetta, my… I can't even bring myself to call her my mother. How _could _I call that monster of a woman a mother? Mothers don't… They just don't…

My thoughts were jumbled, messy; I was stringing along words in my head to fill the empty void, because I knew that if I didn't, horrid images would fill the blank slate in my head.

I pushed my way into the residence of Matt and Mello, tears still free falling and mind still whirring. The couch was the nearest piece of furniture, and I collapsed onto it, sobbing and taking in the comforting scents of Mello and Matt. I never thought that cigarettes and chocolate could be reassuring…

But they sure as hell were. At this point, they were my addiction, and I didn't even care that I was getting wrapped up in them, all that mattered was I knew they would protect me whatever way they could, each by their own means.

_Matt and Mello are safe. Safety is precious. Hold on to it, never let it go. Safety doesn't change. They aren't involved in anything dangerous, or life-threatening. They couldn't be, wouldn't be._

Oh, how completely and utterly wrong I was.

My crying was interrupted by the phone ringing, but I continued on, not stopping for a moment. I was quiet enough to listen to the message, but the voice was obviously distorted, and they didn't leave a name or number.

"I'm fairly certain you know who this is. I'm asking the two of you for your assistance. I can't defeat the greater evil by myself, and you are the only ones capable of assimilating the situation. I wish for this state of affairs to end as quickly as possible."

The caller hung up abruptly, and I was too disoriented with sorrow to care about the abnormality of the call. Derek was gone. My father was gone. Even the mother I'd never known was gone. Carter was the only reminder I had left of my father, and I didn't even take anything to remember Derek by… All I had now of him was that photograph that Vendetta had seen when she'd reappeared.

I fell asleep for a long while, emotionally drained, exhausted. I don't know how long I was out of it, having fitful dreams, scaring myself in and out of slumber. The last time I woke up, it was night time, and I flipped on the light, not wanting to be alone in the dark.

The tears were gone, but the overwhelming pain I was feeling had stayed with me. I looked at Carter, making sure he was still safe in my arms… Only to find Derek's fedora placed lightly on his head. I bit my lip, trying not to cry again, and tenderly pulled the hat off him, placing it on myself. I looked around the room, and saw the only two people I had left in the same room with me.

The redheaded gamer was passed out on the couch, and the hotheaded blonde was sitting on the ground below the couch, leaning up against it. I can only imagine how they had taken care of my situation, and I knew for a fact that I didn't want to ask questions. One of them must've grabbed Derek's hat, and made sure it was free of blood before bringing it here. I got up off the couch slowly, walking towards the two of them as all my fear came rushing back from my experience earlier.

Blood. Everywhere. It was all I could see. I shut my eyes promptly, trying to block it out unsuccessfully gripping Derek's hat and Carter as if they would take care of me. I glanced around before seeing the small space between Matt's legs and Mello's body, and eyed it carefully before placing myself within it, pressing up against Mello and leaning on Matt's legs before closing my eyes and trying to go back to sleep, comforted however slightly by their presence.

They only wanted the best for me. At the very least, I had to believe that. If I didn't, I would go utterly mad.

And if they didn't care for me, then I wasn't worth the oxygen I was taking up. So I had to pray to God, if there was one, that they wanted me around, because I knew one thing for a fact.

Cigarettes and chocolate were precisely the things I needed.

* * *

"_**It's the bitch of living, and living in your head. It's the bitch of living, and sensing God is dead…" – "The Bitch of Living", Spring Awakening**_


	14. Difficulty

***Duh, nuh, nuh, nah!**** That was my sorry attempt at Link from The Legend of Zelda opening a treasure chest. All of you shut up. I'm cool like ice cubes. =D Anyways, starting this chapter and the next, a major plot is starting to form… When I wrote my first chapters, I was planning on the story being shorter. And then I got kickass feedback, and it developed into something longer. As such, now the first… twelve or so chapters seem like an uber-huge prologue. Oh, well… Thank you Miss-Dreev for making my thoughts on that concrete. =]**

****I GOT SO MANY REVIEWS LAST CHAPTER! I WAS ****SO**** EXCITED! Thanks to – **_**icanreadyourmind (The kudos line? I totally stole it from my best friend. xD), simsbabii (Aww, I love you too!), angelofyouth1427 (Life is indeed a bitch…), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I know, right? Mello's such a jerk… But I love him.), paramore-danish (I try hard to update as quickly as I can. *salutes*), Miss-Dreev (You helped me tremendously. I was actually already planning on working Rae into the Kira investigation, and the deaths of the two of them were meant as a character development for Rae. While I don't necessarily plan out my chapters, I do have ideas of what I want to happen that I jot down. Thank you so much.), Carnivorous Mushroom (I worked quite hard to fix Rae's "Mary-Sue-ness". And indeed, it was Axel. Kudos, my friend.), MissehKeehl (I don't think it's normal, really, but I do the same thing. xD), VampyViolet (It makes me wanna slap him, haha.), TheContheDistance (I'm trying really hard to just ease into it… Too fast would make me throw up. =/), If N When (I'm happy I could elicit so much emotion! =D), Josephine Falnor (It would **__**really**__** suck to have to take care of dead bodies for your friend whenever they showed up in her house…), becca670 (I'm trying! It's gotta be believable, haha.), Practically Venomous (Shut up. I get so sick of you reviewing my stories. Just kidding. I love you. Did we have homework due tomorrow in French?), Numanife (Haha a lot happened in the last three chapters, huh?), Kavyle (Yeah, it was definitely Axel. And the Kingdom Hearts games are **__**amazing**__**), **_**and**_**Lazy/Anonymous (I wanted Vendetta to die. I really did.), **_**and **_**Sapphire-Nightshade (I hope my message answered your question! =D). **_**Holy hell… You guys are amazing…**

*****Time for the ever decreasingly witty disclaimer… I don't own Death Note because if I did… I would kill the Slut Patrol. And none of you will get that really except Practically Venomous. My apologies.**

******THE SCORE IS – MattXRae: 5, MelloXRae: 6. Uh-oh. The jerk is winning. He's my favorite jerk, but a jerk nonetheless. But what about our redheaded gamer? You readers aren't going to let him go down without a fight, are you?**

* * *

When I woke up, Matt and Mello were gone, and I wasn't where I had been when I had fallen asleep. I'd been moved to a bed; firm, but comfortable no less.

I sat up, looking around, the pit of despair in my stomach returning as I remembered what happened yesterday. Matt and Mello were nowhere to be seen, and I knew that this was Matt's room, judging by the various video game consoles strewn about. He'd rearranged all his furniture since the last time I'd been there. One of the two men must have carried me here from the couch.

I reached up, running my fingers through my hair, eyes widening as I noticed the absence of Derek's fedora. I inhaled sharply, eyes searching desperately for the one reminder of him I had left. Without that hat, he seemed more concretely gone to me. My breath settled into a more steady rhythm when I came upon it, resting lightly on Carter's head. Carter was sitting in a beanbag in a corner, staring benevolently at me. I got up from the bed, smoothing out the covers carefully, and then picking Carter up and pulling him close. I grabbed the fedora tenderly from my stuffed animal, and placed it on myself.

I reached a hand out, grabbing for the doorknob, when I heard raised voices outside and stopped. It wasn't even that the voice was raised; however, it was Mello. And he's not exactly a difficult person to read. If Matt was in there, behind that door, then he was silent, and Mello was ranting on his own accord.

"Why the hell would I want to help that stupid Peter Pan wannabe? I can find Kira and take him down myself, and if he's so great and amazing why does he need _me_ anyway?"

I thought for a moment, and opened the door anyway. My suspicions were correct – Matt was sitting there, hands folded under his chin and listening to Mello's tangent wordlessly. At least I assumed he was listening … He was looking around the room mindlessly, as if he'd heard the spiel before. They both looked to me, an awkward silence engulfing the room, almost as if they'd expected me to come out with tears streaming down my face.

I doubted I would be crying again anytime soon. I was emotionally drained, exhausted. In short, I was totally numb to the pain. I thought I liked it better this way, unemotional and without feeling any type of hurt.

"…You hungry?" Matt asked quietly, like he was afraid he was going to break something. I shook my head, not really wanting to speak. Everything was quiet again after that, tension high in the air, when finally Mello spoke.

"Damn robotic freak… As if I'd want to help him…" I flashed him a look – with everything I was feeling (or wasn't, rather), I was _really_ not in the mood to put up with his shit right then.

"Mello." He looked over at me, anger still apparent in his eyes from whatever it was he was mad at. "Start acting your age and gender, and quit acting mine."

I swear I saw a vein pulse, and I looked him straight in the eyes, glaring with a cold stare as he opened his mouth to argue with me. "You do _not_ want to start with me, Mello. I am not in the mood to be fought with, and I don't care about your problems right now. So shut your trap, and grow up a few years."

I knew this was out of character for me, but the only thing I could think of was shutting Mello's goddamn mouth. I could feel Matt's eyes on me… With what? Sympathy? Pity? I didn't care at the moment, all I wanted was peace, silence, and security, all three of which I knew in my heart of hearts I would never get.

If there was one thing my mother had succeeded in, it was toughening me up… Or, at the very least, giving me a different way of grieving. I promised myself I was done crying, now and forever, just like Mello had said at a time that seemed so long ago.

Mello and Matt were both staring, and I got up absentmindedly, getting myself a glass of milk from the fridge and glaring into it… That was one of the more awkward experiences I had with the two of them.

I left them soon after, not until after getting permission to retreat into Matt's room again. Surveying it again, I realized that they had grabbed a few things from my house as well. I dug through my backpack, searching for something, anything to occupy my mind. And I found it, from that long ago trip at the mall –

George Orwell's 1984. I hadn't finished it yet, honestly, with the way my life had been for the longest while. I cracked the book open, getting lost in it and tuning out Mello's resumed ranting of some bigheaded twit named Near…

_War is peace; freedom is slavery; ignorance is strength._

I found myself lost in it, wondering what it was like to be a pawn… My intelligence isn't the greatest. I'm not an idiot, but there is a downside to quitting school… I lost a great amount of knowledge. As such, I didn't understand what was going on all the time, I couldn't grasp all the deeper meanings.

But the pawn thing? I couldn't imagine it, being used in the way Big Brother used all those people, the way the Inner Party did…

I guess I had been, though. My whole life, I'd been used. Father had taken advantage of me for the first sixteen years of my life, and for the little bit I was away from him, Vendetta had controlled me.

It was a massive epiphany, and I set the book down in front of me, pulling my knees up to my chest as I tried to come to terms with my discovery.

What on earth had I been thinking? Was I that much of an idiot to think that I had been in control of my world all along, that no one had abused their power over me?

Maybe it was part of the universe in which we lived. Perhaps people are born to be used, and even the users are used in the end. At the end of it all, every one of us is imperfect, and imperfection was reality. Humans are flawed, and I found that to be beauty in itself, despite the frustrations and hurt it brought along with it.

My father made my life difficult. Very difficult.

I still loved him. I loved him very much.

But I knew for a fact now that he was only human. Only like me, like every other insignificant human being on this earth. I think that, deep down, I always knew this.

Only then had I grown up enough to accept it as a fact.

Life, in short, was a massive difficulty. It can be dealt with in a variety of extremes – on one end of the spectrum, there was the crumbling option. A person could just fall apart, lose themselves to the battle without any sacrifice.

On the other hand, people could fight. People could fight, and try desperately to make it through life and pick up whatever happiness they could along the way, and be satisfied with their efforts, with the fact that they tried no matter the hardship.

The Raven from a few months ago would have given up in a moment.

But I had to go after it, to endure for Derek. Derek died _because _of me, and I couldn't let myself give up without trying to honor him however slightly posthumously. My own flesh and blood killed him… And I didn't think I could ever live it down, no matter what I tried to make it right. No matter how small the retribution, I had to pay back however little of my debt I could.

That day, in Matt's bedroom, I decided I would fight the battle to the best of my ability. Yes, I was broken. Yes, I was scared. Yes, I knew that things were going to be exceedingly difficult.

But I knew Matt and Mello would help me, and the three of us together?

There was no difficulty we couldn't face.

We were strong. Imperfect, yes. But after all we'd been through, the least we could call ourselves was strong.

* * *

"_**Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins…" – "21 Guns", Green Day**_


	15. Left

***Okay, quick. Everyone grab some confetti, pop some popcorn, and settle in, because I have huge-normously gargantuan news… I SUCCESSFULLY WROTE FIFTEEN CHAPTERS. *Dead silence* Now… some of you may not view this as much of an achievement… But for ****me**** this is an extremely big deal. Be glad I haven't lost interest by now. And, on a different note, I STARTED READING GODCHILD TODAY! *cough*CainHargreavesisasexybeast*cough***

****My reviewers are the love of my life. I'm being totally honest with you. Thanks to – **_**PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (That would've been an interesting plot twist, eh?), Josephine Falnor (I'm so conflicted! I like both the pairings so much, I don't know what to do!), TheContheDistance (Ohmigawd I hated Lidner… And Kingdom Hearts at its best was amazing, and at its worst? Terribly, terribly corny…), MissehKeehl (Oh, thank you so very much. I'm glad my writing is improving… And unfortunately I'm keeping it at one vote per reviewer. Sorry. =[),icanreadyourmind (21 Guns is a lovely song… And I'm craving sugar as well.), becca670 (1984 was a hardcore book. Made me do a lot of deep thinking haha.), simsbabii (Aizawa says hello and he hopes you're doing well. xD), Miss-Dreev (I never take offense as long as it's constructive…The battle is, indeed, life. I thought I conveyed that satisfactorily, but I guess it still may have been a bit confusing… =/), Diabolus Kara (I totally understand about the broken appendages thing. I broke a wrist, my middle and index fingers last spring… It was awful.), Practically Venomous (Damn right. Be jealous. ;) And yes, Kamimomo and I ARE going to ambush Brando on Monday. Count on it.), angelofyouth1427 (1984 gave me some whacked up thoughts… I'm rereading it as I'm writing this fic so a lot of that comes into play.), VampyViolet (Yeah, I totally understand. I think my personal favorite chapter was the one where Vendetta first came in…), sadiegrl (Yeah, Mello's a jerk… But he has to be. That's the way his character is. =/), **_**and **_**If N When (I made Rae tell him off because Mello was kinda pissing me off, the bastard... ;)).**_

*****Ah, yes, the disclaimer… I don't own Death Note… Because if I did… Then rumors wouldn't be circulating that Zac Efron was playing Light Yagami in the new Death Note movie… Anyone know if those rumors are true? Let me know please. I have to go kill myself if they are. T.T**

***** THE SCORE IS – MattXRae: 8, MelloXRae:7. The standings have changed. The apathetic gamer's in the lead… Can we fix that, my lovely Mello-fans? After all, should Matt and Raven really get the chance to be tighter than Mello's pants?**

* * *

"_What?!"_

"I told you, Rae. We're leaving."

"No! What the… _Why?! Where are you going?!"_

"Rae… We're going to Japan… It's for work… We don't have any choice."

I'm fairly certain Matt thought I was going to cry… But I wasn't sad.

I was _pissed._

It had been a month since… the Incident, as it had come to be known to Matt, Mello, and I. And then, out of the blue, from thin air, he drops this goddamn bombshell on me. Japan? That was the entire Pacific Ocean away!

"What do you even do for work? I never know what the two of you are doing! All I know is that you take care of me so I don't have to work," I said, voice shaking with absolute rage.

"Raven, we have to –"

"_Have _to?! You don't _have _to do anything, Matt!" My voice was at full volume now, "How _dare _you think you can just leave me here, leave me behind to do whatever the hell it is you do?! Why do I only get a few hours' notice?!"

Matt opened his mouth to respond, and I felt two hands grasp my shoulders as he started to speak, cut off by the person who'd grabbed me.

"Raven. You don't want to be involved with this. You're not strong enough to deal with what we're –"

I ripped my arms away from him, spinning around to face Mello, eyes wide with fury at his words, despite how cool and collected he was in contrast to his usual self. I could tell the composure was straining him, and that just listening to me argue with Matt had worn his patience thin. "What gives you the _right_ to do this to me, to just leave me behind after all the shit we three have been through?! I'm just as capable of dealing with this world as you two are, and –"

Mello grabbed my wrist, and I heard Matt say, "Hey, now," worriedly, before Mello pulled me close to him, face in mine, anger apparent.

"Don't you _ever _compare yourself to me. Your life is nothing like mine, and we are nowhere near the same. You are not strong enough to take on what Matt and I are facing, and if we told you what we were up against, little girl, you'd burst out in tears and have an emotional breakdown before I could say 'dementia'." I locked up. Sure I'd toughened over the aftermath of the Incident, but beneath it all I was still me. There was no way I would ever lose that part of me, the part that hated fighting with those I loved.

I stared into his eyes, blankly lost in them. For the first time, I realized how much I owed Mello for shaping me, for helping me become a better human being. He'd been right all along – no matter the tears I shed, or the amount I fretted, nothing would become better unless I actually got out there and did something.

He broke eye contact, and my wrist went limp. My anger had dulled to a burning ache; still undeniable, but much more manageable, and sadness broke through.

"But… why…" The look in Mello's face softened and I heard Matt behind me.

"I'm sorry, Rae… We can't say…" I shut my eyes.

"Hey…" Mello spoke again, and I reached a hand up to slap him, furious, sorrowful, and confused… and found myself unable to do it. My hand ended up resting on his cheek, lightly trailing down his jawbone before falling to my side. I looked to the floor, and I heard Matt say, "Raven…" before I silently left the room.

I hadn't returned to my house since the Incident. Matt and Mello's had become my place of residence, and they'd retrieved all the rest of my belongings from my house as well. I'd moved into the living room, sleeping on the couch every night, seeing as how Matt sort of wanted his bed back. He never said this out loud, but I could tell he did, and I moved myself into the den area. I laid down, shutting my eyes and gripping Carter tightly. That poor stuffed dog… He's more abused than anyone I've ever known, what with my constant grabbing.

I shut my eyes, and before I knew it, I was asleep. I fell into the world of dreams, the world of make-believe that never failed to amaze and amuse me.

When I awoke, however, the harsh reality came rushing back, and I sat up quickly, coming up about five inches from Matt's face, which quickly dispelled my fear that he and Mello had already left. A light shade of pink brushed itself onto my cheeks, and I backed up quickly. He lit a cigarette – I wasn't fond of them whatsoever, but everyone has a guilty pleasure of some kind – and the look in his eyes told me he was stressed, an emotion I'd never seen before in Matt. I was so used to him being just… just go-with-the-flow. I couldn't believe that he was leaving me behind, especially when I didn't know what he was doing or why.

Was it wrong for me to be praying that a part of him was torn apart about this too?

We were both silent before he said, "I'm sorry."

"…I know."

And I hugged him with all the strength I could muster. If I was losing him in a few hours, the least I could do was hold on while I had the chance. I felt him return it, and then he pulled away, putting a hand to the left side of my face and rubbing his thumb along my cheekbone. We stared at each other for a moment before he stopped abruptly, looking away.

"I need to pack…" I stood up as he began to walk away, and I spoke.

"Matt?" He stopped, turning slowly to look at me.

"Yeah, Rae?"

"Stay gold. If nothing else, stay gold." Matt smiled weakly. The Outsiders was the only book I'd been able to get him to read – it was one of my absolute favorites.

"I'll try my hardest." And he retreated into his room.

I sat on the couch, and held back the emotion I was so desperately fighting off.

Two hours later, Mello and Matt were nearly ready to go and catch their flight… Needless to say, I wasn't ready for them to go. Mello and I were sitting outside, waiting for Matt to come out of the house so they could leave.

"Mello…" I said his name softly and I wasn't sure if he had heard me, until he responded.

"Yeah, Raven?"

"Am I… Am I ever going to see you again?" He was silent, and I wondered if he was just going to ignore my question like he usually did.

"Honestly?" I nodded. "…I doubt it." I shut my eyes tightly, praying to any being who would listen that he was wrong.

Mello stood up from where we were sitting, taking a few steps away from me. I followed shortly after him, and a slight repeat of what had happened with Matt occurred. I hugged Mello from behind, and I expected him to lock up, the way he had when I hugged him before. To my shock and surprise, he turned around and hesitantly hugged me back, not without a few seconds pause beforehand. We were closer than we had been awhile ago – but Mello was still Mello. He always would be.

"I know," I said, muffled, "We've had issues, you and I… That we haven't always got along… But I want you to know Mello, that although I don't even know your last name… That you will forever and always be my best friend."

He didn't say a word. In fact, I don't think he could have, even if he had wanted to. His pride wouldn't allow it. He finally pulled away, and took another few steps away. I knew if I stayed much longer, Matt was going to come out and I was going to at last break down and cry. So before I could catch myself, I heard my lips speaking the words, "Mello, one last thing."

He turned again, giving me that slightly annoyed look the way he does when I'm being a nag, and I approached him one more time, leaving just enough space between us to not make it uncomfortable. He wasn't too much taller than me, so his height was never really an intimidating factor.

"Whatever this job is… You're the best that's out there, Mello. And I would say good luck, but you don't need it." And with that, I reached up and gently kissed him on the cheek before locking myself in the bathroom and waiting for them to leave.

For all I knew, I may never be seeing either of them again, and all I'd have left were memories and memorabilia. Where did everyone go, and why was I the only one without a purpose?

I didn't cry. I wanted to, but I didn't.

* * *

"_**Every now and then I get a little bit nervous, that the best of all the years have gone by..." - "Total Eclipse of the Heart", Bonnie Tyler**_


	16. Cry

***Sixteen! SIXTEEN! And I updated one day after another again! Do you know how proud I am of myself?! Stupid Melissa, hurry up and finish the next chapter of Rich by Blood… Or I'll kill you. Kill you dead. And you better have glomped Zak for me at his Eagle Scout initiation.**

****My reviewers. The heart and soul of this fanfiction. Thanks to – **_**Josephine Falnor (Okay, so… that video made me super happy… Like, I died of laughter. Thank you so much for the link.), icanreadyourmind (Don't worry. Something will happen with Raven and the guys. I promise. ;)), VampyViolet (You think so? We'll have to find out…), MissehKeehl (I found a picture of Mello that said "You and me? We're tight like Mello's pants!", and it was too good not to steal it.), angelofyouth1427 (Fifteen chapters is a helluva long story for me…), Practically Venomous (Pocky actually sounds really good right now… And as we've already discussed, Kamimomo has probably already forgotten by now.), Kavyle (Ah! Thank you for correcting me! I was listening to "Golden" by Fall Out Boy and I got them mixed up! And unfortunately people are only allowed to vote once… Sorry. =[), melloxchocolatexluva (I do love writing fluffiness…), If N When (I don't know what it was, he was just really pissing me off, and I was like, okay dude, whatever, you need to get knocked down a peg.)., PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I'd give her a buddy, but that would screw with where I wanted my plot to go…), lols1342 (Thank you so much!), and Miss-Dreev (I didn't realize how sad this series would end up getting after Derek died… I didn't appreciate how much comic relief he brought. It makes me miss him all the more. I'll brighten things up though… Just not this chapter.)**_

_*******_**Ah… uh… disclaimer… If I owned Death Note… Then no one would have blonde moments anymore. People, from henceforth, would have Matsuda moments!**

******The score is – MattXRae: 8, MelloXRae: 9. Mello leads on. Considering I never described what Raven looked like, I wonder… Would any of you like to describe to me how you think a little Melven would look? I'm curious. Also, if anyone would like to draw me fanart with how they think Raven looks, I would love it… Put her with Matt, or Mello, or both of them. Hell, make up a Derek if you'd like. It would really make me happy if someone would do this. I didn't want to describe Raven because I figured people would like to use their imaginations… If anyone wants a picture, I do have one that I think of her as, but otherwise just continue using your imagination.**

* * *

I didn't even attempt to go back home after they left.

After all, what was left for me there? Everything I needed was here, and I knew that without a doubt I would end up returning here eventually. I alternated the rooms that I was staying in, depending on the way I was feeling at any given time. For security I stayed in Mello's room, and for comfort I was in Matt's. It had been a few weeks since the two of them had left for wherever the hell they had gone, and I hadn't cried once, despite the fact that my emotions were ridiculously broken and out of whack.

I quit my job at GameStop. The building held too much of Derek, and it would be impossible for me to adapt to work there without him. I managed to pick up a new job, as a waitress at some restaurant. The name's unimportant.

It was three days after the beginning of their absence that I received it.

**From Matt, Subject: (No Subject)**

_You're still probably pissed as hell, but if you care, Mello and I are fine._

_And I've just been told that I need to get my lazy ass to do something productive._

_So, please, if you're not too terribly mad, respond._

_-Matt_

…Stupid boy.

As if I could ever be mad at them for any extended period of time, even if I wanted to be.

Still, I needed to think before I replied, and besides that if I was late I wouldn't have a job for much longer. So I changed into my uniform and pushed the blonde and the redhead out of my mind for however short of a period I could. Tight leather pants and gold tinted goggles… They flashed through my head, blurring my vision and screwing with my mental capacity.

Clearly they didn't know how much of an emotional wreck they'd left me.

I'd tried sending both of them text messages since they'd left, and I'd tried calling them several times.

It took me almost a month before I gave up on that idea, resigning myself to the fact that their phones didn't work, or they just didn't want to talk to me.

I took to occasionally wearing articles of their clothing that they had left behind. Mello's pants had been just tight enough on him to fit loosely on me, and Matt's shirts were big but they were acceptable as far as sleeping attire went.

The e-mails I received from Matt were sporadic, and I never heard from Mello at all, despite Matt's assurances that he was well also. Still, I always received at least an e-mail a week, and I checked obsessively for new messages. When I was home, not fifteen minutes would go by before I checked again and again and again.

It was two months after they left that a coworker of mine asked me to catch a movie with him. In the deep recesses of my head, I heard Matt and Mello asking if I wanted to, and before the thought process could finish I had said yes.

Jared was an extremely nice guy, the host at the restaurant where I worked. I actually had a really good time with him, despite my misgivings, and I agreed to go out on another date with him despite the ever-growing emptiness in my soul. After all, what was I going to say to him? 'No, I can't, because my best friends left me here and went to Japan'?

We kissed on the second date. Not an innocent kiss on the forehead, or the cheek, the way it had been with Mello and Matt, but a real kiss.

My first kiss.

Afterwards, he pulled away, and looked at me, asking if I was okay.

I told him that I wasn't feeling well. That was more or less the truth – I knew I wasn't being fair to him, at all. I left him right after that.

The kiss had felt wrong, empty. Like I was doing it just to be doing it, not for any specific reason. It wasn't Jared's fault.

And the fact that I was wearing a rosary that was Mello's didn't definitely added to my confusion. I didn't even have a religion. All I knew was that it was his, and as such it made me feel safe. And as everyone knows, I crave safety.

In short, it wasn't Jared's fault at all.

He stopped asking to go places with me after that night. To be honest, I didn't mind. I had work, and I had home. There was nothing else, could be nothing else. If there was, I would go mad. My routine kept me sane, and without it I'd be lost in the chaos.

I wondered if they'd found a new best friend, someone stronger than me, less dependent on others. I certainly hadn't. I held onto them with everything I could, and my insecurities shone through even worse than usual when they weren't there.

**From Matt, Subject: No Subject**

_Of course we miss you. Without a doubt._

I'd asked if they missed me. I'd asked all sorts of questions.

_You'd better be okay when we come back. And you better not have touched my xBox, or death will be upon you._

'When we come back'… I melted with relief.

It was open-ended, and it was completely plausible that he was lying to make me feel better. At this point, though, it was all I had to hang on to. And I would cling to it for dear life.

The e-mails grew shorter, more abrupt, and I could tell things were most definitely _not_ alright with them, no matter how Matt tried to convince me otherwise. Even through cyberspace I could read his words, and I didn't like the story those words were telling, regardless of whether or not I had any specifics.

_It might be a while before I get back to you…_

_To be honest, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get back to you at all…_

_Be strong, Rae._

That was the way Matt's e-mail read, and I was panicking, freaking out over the ominous tone of the message. Even the people at work noticed… Apparently I'm not a very good actress, which didn't really surprise me.

Mark wanted to know if I needed a few nights off, Lily asked me if I had a fever, and Jared, who continued to be a friend even after our issues, actually managed to tip the iceberg.

One night after work, he approached me.

He scared me shitless, coming out of what seemed like nowhere. Then again, I'd been jumpy since the Incident, so he could've just been normally walking towards me and I didn't notice him. Vendetta's screwed with my normal reactions to things, so even the slightest thing startled me.

"Whatever's going on with you now… it's the same thing that was going on that night I kissed you, wasn't it?" His voice was quiet, like he knew that whatever this was was a tender subject for me. He had no idea.

I was silent, and I refused to look at him.

"It's at least related to the same thing, isn't it?" Jared walked up beside me, laying a hand on my arm, which I shrugged off quickly, staring up at the sky.

"…Fair enough." How could I tell him that I was incapable of overcoming my feelings for two people that had left me what seemed so long ago? He'd call me ridiculous, silly.

I wouldn't look at him still, and he left eventually. I felt bad, for being so cold. After all, my problems weren't his fault… He'd only been trying to help.

Matt was right. His e-mails started becoming more and more inconsistent. One week shifted to two weeks, two weeks shifted into a month, and so on…

Two months went by, without a single message from them.

It tore me to shreds, not knowing anything, being completely and totally in the dark. What could have possibly happen for them to go so long without giving word? For all I knew, they both could've just forgotten to mail me back…

Or they could both be in the hospital, as part of some horrid, terrifying, mind blowing accident.

And there was a third option, but I refused to even think of that. The possibility itself of that choice was enough to break me down from the inside out.

Any way I looked at it, I knew without a shadow of doubt I knew for a fact that I had to do something, anything, to make sure they were okay.

I guess I wasn't as strong as I'd tried to fool myself into believing.

How would someone strong's happiness be so dependent on the well being of others?

My composure finally shattered when I got a particularly testy customer at work… I'd accidentally given her a regular Pepsi instead of a Diet, and she proceeded to tell me how I'd never do anything right with my life.

I responded by pouring the regular Pepsi all over her name brand dress, and muttering, "Even Mello wasn't as bitchy as you are."

She proceeded to call my manager, who sent me home, saying that I needed a break from work to deal with whatever was going on in my life.

And on that night, I finally cried. Because everything was wrong, and it had been two and a half months since I'd heard from Matt.

That was too long, and there felt like there was nothing I could do about it… But I had to do something.

Anything.

* * *

"_**Because I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away…" – "Broken", Seether**_


	17. Impulse

***Okay, Misa-haters may not like this chapter… But I sorta liked Misa… So sorry if you didn't. xD Anywho, chapter seventeen has arrived. I have ZERO idea how long this story is going to be. This chapter is short, though, and for that I apologize.**

****My reviewers… are so lovely… Thank you to – **_**VampyViolet (Thank you so much!), simsbabii (Oh, she will… She will… A lot of people said that that's sorta how they pictured her haha.), sadiegrl (Read on. She just might.), TheContheDistance (I'm starting to have a personal preference to who she ends up with… Oh noes! ;) Oh, dear god, a Death Eraser? I think not. ;)), lazy/Anonymous (Indeed. MelloXRae FTW! Oh no… I let my preference shine through… Whoops…), MissehKeehl (How would I make this a romance if they never saw each other again, silly?), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (Haha I love getting attached to fictional characters!), icanreadyourmind (The playlist is on my homepage… I'm going to announce it here in a bit haha.), Practically Venomous (Damn Catholic!), melloxchocolatexluva (I only played Rock Band like once… I suck at it…), Miss-Dreev (I miss Derek so much!), Josephine Falnor (I totally messaged you. =]), becca670 (Oh noes! Don't cry!), Sadisticshadowcat (Oops! I hope you weren't too tired for school! xD), angelofyouth1427 (We'll see. As you can probably tell, I have a thing for killing off characters haha.), xsorandomx (Aren't Matsuda moments fun? Practically Venomous and I run around school having Matsuda moments. xD), If N When (Ah, they'll kiss eventually… One can't rush these things! ;) And, just out of curiosity, why an umbrella?), **_**and **_**Kavyle (They're all way too damn cute, in my opinion… Where are those guys in my actual life?!). **_**You guys are amazing. A couple of you have even offered to draw me FAN ART! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT MADE MY DAY?! I about laid down and had a heart attack, I was all, "Hellz yeah!" In other words, thank you. =]**

*****I don't own Death Note, because if I did, I would definitely put Mello in spandex and have him play volleyball with me. ****Just**** to be completely sure he wasn't a girl. ;)**

******The score is – MattXRae: 9, MelloXRae: 10. Mello and Raven are, as of now, in position to become tighter than aforementioned man's pants. Personally, I wouldn't mind that. ;)**

*******On a side note, there is now an official playlist for Difficulty. It is posted on my home page. Just so you know. ;) Really, the two songs that you need to know are "Halo" by Beyonce and "Topeka" by Ludo. "Halo" is the MattXRae song, and "Topeka" is the MelloXRae song. Please, do tune in. =]**

* * *

It's funny how people can change. People change through different life experiences, the way they react to things, and because of their choices in general.

People can move forward, they can begin differing from themselves for the better or the worse.

People can devolve, reverting back to old ways which were changed to begin with.

Or, people can remain as they are, static. Immobility in itself is abnormal, and lack of change can almost be considered change within itself.

* * *

I'm a goddamn idiot.

I was fired from the restaurant after it was discovered that that stupid woman was some locally respected food critic. Needless to say, my service got raving reviews.

By this I mean the review said that the waitress the critic had received was stark raving mad.

Which made me aware of how much I missed Mello.

And that reminded me of how long it had been since I'd heard from Matt.

As such, in an impulsive way the likes of which I'd never done anything before, I packed up my bags, locked Carter in my arms, and dressed myself in Mello's pants, Matt's shirt, Derek's fedora, and my own shoes.

Don't judge me. I already stated above that I'm a goddamn idiot.

I'd never flown before, and to be quite honest it was scaring the living shit out of me. This wasn't to mention the fact that I'd left without thinking any of this through, and just as the plane was taking off, all possible negative consequences of my actions were running through my head. Along with this, I was also realizing how difficult the situation in Japan would be.

I didn't know where Mello and Matt were in Japan. I had no way of contacting either of them. Hell, even if I found them there was no guarantee that they'd let me stay there with them. They might even be pissed off that I'd gone after them, despite the fact that they were always telling me to stick up for myself and do what I wanted.

…Hypocrites. Good-looking hypocrites, yes, but hypocrites no less.

And the plane took off. I proceeded to grip the arm rests for dear life, and I shut my eyes, trying to close out all the negative things I was thinking.

Too damn late to turn back now, dumbass.

Japan was beautiful. There was no denying that. However, I think I would have appreciated it more if it weren't for that whole, 'my situation is scaring the living bajeesus out of me' deal.

The buildings were tall, the streets were crowded… and I was completely and totally lost. Any rational human being really would've thought this out better.

"Damn it, you guys," I said, flopping down on the bed of the seedy, cheap motel room I'd paid for, "Couldn't you at least give me one easy clue? Just to start me off? I promise I won't ask for anything else… Well, I won't promise that. Please, though. One clue? One hint?"

When the room was silent, I pounded a fist into the bedspread, waiting only a few more moments before picking myself up and exiting the motel.

A few hours passed, my search coming up fruitless. I asked if anyone named Matt or Mello had been seen at every building within a three mile radius of my motel, the little Japanese I'd taken upon myself prior to coming overseas. I hadn't expected finding the two of them to be easy, but regardless it was still more than I had bargained on. I underestimated the amount of people in Japan.

I was lost in thought when I heard a bubbly voice shatter my cloud of depressed confusion.

The Japanese words sounded like gibberish to my English-tuned ears, and I had really underestimated the detrimental effect the language barrier would have on my mission. The motel I was staying at was an American chain, and the man who worked at the desk spoke English upon seeing my ethnicity.

The blonde girl was with a man who seemed older than she, and she hadn't noticed me. It was either that, or she completely plowed into me on purpose and we fell over each other to the ground, her awkwardly ending up on top of me.

Her mouth opened in a small 'o' of shock, and she got off the ground quickly, pulling me up with her and speaking rapidly. I looked at her helplessly before slowly shaking my head, saying, "Sorry… I don't… I can't understand you…"

She blinked twice, before looking to the man behind her, who looked at me. He began to speak in choppy English.

"You don't speak Japanese?" Each word was said slowly, determinedly, with great precision, and I nodded as a reply.

"Misa-Misa is sorry. You wish to come eat with I and Motchi?"

I smiled slightly at her words, cute in how her accent twisted them. I wasn't one to poke fun at her – after all, I only knew a few words in Japanese, who was I to tease about her English? – and nodded again. I figured this way I knew for sure that she would understand me. Body language is universal, after all.

"Raven," I said, pointing to myself. She smiled brightly, and said, "I is Misa. This is Motchi."

"Mogi, please," the man said. The blonde girl, Misa, took me by the hand, and started pulling me down the street. I insisted on paying for my own food, but Misa wouldn't let me, and I gathered that she wanted to treat me.

Well, by no means was I turning _that_ down.

"Um…" I said, after we'd finished, "Do you know anyone named Matt or Mello?"

Misa looked up at me, looked at Mogi, and then back to me, before shaking her head 'no'. I hung my head. I hadn't really expected her to know who they were, but it was worth a shot of some kind.

"They are friends of yours?" she said it as a question, and I nodded.

"My best friends… They left for some sort of work. They wouldn't tell me what, and I got mad, even though I should've tried to follow them as soon as possible…"

Misa looked to Mogi again, and I thought I saw a flash of something in her eyes, but it went away as soon as I saw it. As such, I wrote it off as nothing.

Mogi's phone rang, and he picked it up, speaking in Japanese before hanging up and saying something to Misa, who stood up as he did. She smiled widely at me before writing a number on a piece of paper and shoving it across the table to me. There was a number written on it, and she cocked her head to the side, eyes closed, saying, "We do lunch again, yeah?"

I laughed a bit, pocketing the paper.

"Of course, Misa-Misa."

She literally skipped out the door, Mogi following after her, and I was content. I was still lost, I was still confused, and I had no idea where Matt and Mello were, but at the very least I had a friend here now. So long as I could consider her a friend.

I laid down heavily on the bed of the motel room, exhausted after my long day.

_Matt… Mello… I need you, damn it…_

* * *

"Damn it, Matt, we've got nothing! Nothing, nothing, nothing! No evidence…"

Matt looked up from his Game Boy, over to the blonde, and raised an eyebrow.

"What's it matter if we catch Kira anyway?" Mello locked eyes with the redhead, and if Matt hadn't been accustomed to such glares he probably would've shrank into the ground.

"What's it matter?" Mello glowered, "What's it _matter_? It matters that even L couldn't solve this case. And if we do it, I'll finally have beaten that bigheaded Near once and for all."

Matt sighed. Mello was always like this.

"…Do you think Raven's okay?" He said it out of the blue, the words escaping Matt's lips before he even thought about it.

"She'll be better once we catch this psychopathic killer."

Matt sighed, and resumed playing his game.

* * *

"_**And all I ever wanted was for you to know, everything I do I'll give my heart and soul, I can hardly breathe I need to feel you hear with me…" – "When You're Gone", Avril Lavigne**_


	18. Trust

***Chapter eighteen, my loves… Thank you ever so much for reading my story thus far. Your readership very much makes me happy.**

****The reviewers. My favorites of all my readers. Thank you to – **_**icanreadyourmind (Oh, dear God, keep your reviews as long as you want. Long reviews are my favorite.), Josephine Falnor (Mello and Matt come back, I promise that much to you. Other than that, I guarantee nothing. xD),TheContheDistance (The contest closes relatively soon… I haven't read the pilot. I've been meaning to, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. And yeah, Misa's not all there in the head, but she does well with what she's got, in my opinion.), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (Good question. Sounds like a crack-fic all in itself. xD), becca670 (Oh I'm glad Misa was in character! And I promise Rae will see Matt and Mello again, promise!), MissyCheesecake (Thank you so much, that means the world to me!), simsbabii (I know, right? Damn school, screwing up my writing time. I always end up writing in a notebook haha.), MissehKeehl (You're always right. ;) Haha she meets up with Matt and Mello again soon, I guarantee it.), xsorandomx (I know, right? Me neither. I know how to curse and say a few other words haha.), xXRebeccaRiverXx (Thank you ever so much for your review, dearest!), VampyViolet (She meets someone else this chapter… ;)), Practically Venomous (You should really just quit the cult. Just kidding. Although it does piss me off that the cult takes you away from me once a month. DAMN YOU FIST!),**_** and**_** Kavyle (Indeed, you were, but that's okay. =] Yeah, I don't like Light… And I speak Jenglish. =D).**_

*****Death Note is not my work, because if it were… Then… Gluttony from Fullmetal Alchemist would've made a guest appearance and eaten Takada's brains. Even though Gluttony's totally not my favorite homonculus. My favorite homonculus is probably Greed... or Wrath... I'm undecided. But Envy sorta freaks my shit out. =D**

******The score is – MattXRae: 10, MelloXRae: 10. Ooh, man we're tied again… And I have nothing witty whatsoever to say, so I'm simply going to state this – ALL VOTING WILL BE CLOSED AS OF CHAPTER TWENTY. If you haven't voted yet, do so soon, or forever hold your peace.**

* * *

I'd been in Japan for just a little more than a week, and still no sign of Matt or Mello was to be found, despite the fact that I'd been trying my absolute hardest.

I cannot describe how totally frustrated I was. It was right up there with that time I played Brawl with Matt… And that was bad. This was much less lighthearted on top of that fact.

I was getting ready to give up. After all, even though I'd only been there a week, it seemed completely hopeless. My phone sat on the bed in front of me, and I stared at it for a long time before picking it up and flipping it open.

"Moshi moshi?"I made out the Japanese word for hello, and said, "Misa? It's Raven." The line was silent for a moment until she spoke.

"Oh! Hello," she said slowly, careful with ever word, "You need me for something?"

"I just wanted to ask if you wanted to grab some food?"

It was quiet again for a split second. "Sure! May I bring someone? My…" Misa stopped, as if she was struggling to find the word. "My fiancée!"

I nodded, forgetting that we were on the phone and she couldn't see me. "Of course, Misa."

We agreed to meet at the same place we'd eaten before, and by the time I arrived there Misa and her fiancée, a brunette man who radiated something intangible, were already seated.

"Light Yagami," he introduced himself, "You're Raven, correct?" I sighed in relief – his English was perfect, he was clearly a far better speaker than Misa and Mogi combined, and the tension I'd been feeling for so long over all my problems loosened because of that one simple fact.

"Yeah," I smiled, "That's me." We ate quickly, Light and I staying mostly quiet with Misa keeping the conversation running. She was a chatterbox, unstoppably bubbly – it actually seemed to annoy Light a bit, which I found odd, considering he was her fiancée. Regardless, for the most part Light seemed genuine, and I found them to be quite enjoyable company.

I was laughing at something amusing Misa had said, something not important, when suddenly Light leaned in, looking serious.

"Misa told me you were looking for a man named Mello." I locked up, quickly staring into Light's eyes, which were holding something I hadn't noticed before. Despite the fact that he hadn't mentioned Matt, just that he knew Mello was something I hadn't expected.

"You… You know Mello?" I was desperate – and to think that I had thought of leaving Japan _without_ calling Misa! My eyes were wild, hungry for whatever information Light could give me. Please, just let them be okay!

"I don't know Mello personally…" My heart sank slowly, "But I do know he's in danger." My head shot up, waiting for him to continue. "And I want you to help me help him."

I didn't know Light at all. All I knew was that he knew something about Mello, and inadvertently Matt. And because of those facts alone, I had to trust him blindly, and hope that I was making the right decision.

"I'll do anything."

Light smiled, as if he had an ulterior motive, but I was too distracted to notice. He started speaking again, and I snapped to attention, soaking up every word.

"Just be my eyes. If you find them, I want you to feed me information, just to make it possible for me to keep him safe."

I nodded vigorously – in my excitement, I wasn't realizing all the holes in his story, a lazy construct to gain my help. He'd obviously anticipated that my intelligence was below average.

"Contact me via Misa only," I looked to the blonde, who was being uncharacteristically quiet, "Her phone is safe. I don't believe I need to tell you to keep this a secret. At any given time, the ones who are trying to get to Mello could be the person beside you on the street. Don't even tell him, or anyone close to you. They could unknowingly leak information…"

I nodded again, agreeing to every condition without thinking. Light immediately reverted back to his 'friendly host' mode, without another word on the subject, and Misa regained her charming composure. I, on the other hand, was far too wrapped up in my thoughts to socialize at all. The three of us parted ways soon after, with Light giving me a look of mutual understanding on his way out. I was getting bad vibes off of him by this point, but it didn't matter. Only one thing mattered, one thing alone.

The only thing left to do was find Matt and Mello. And that was far easier said than done.

A motorcycle sped by, kicking up a puddle of water into my face as it went on down the street. The driver turned to look at me, but with the helmet he had on I couldn't manage to make eye contact. The man quickly turned his eyes back to the road, before taking another look at me, soggy with the water he'd just showered me with. I didn't think anything of it, and continued on my way back to the hotel, thoughts still flooding my brain.

My mind was too muddled to think of repercussions for helping Light – all I could think of was that Mello and possibly Matt were endangered, and I had to do anything in my power to prevent that. Those two were all I had close to me left. At the very least, I had to _try _to help them. After all they'd done for me, I owed them that much, and besides, we were best friends… Best friends help best friends. That's how the world worked.

The motel smelled weird. I hadn't really noticed until that moment, and it was a very strange time to have such an epiphany. No… it didn't even smell weird… Weird wasn't the word…

The entire building smelled faintly of cigarette smoke. Nothing too strong, but just enough to be noticeable.

The motel smelled like Matt. No wonder I'd been so comfortable in the motel, even though its reputation was far less than stellar.

Damn. I missed them so much. Tears pricked at my eyes as I realized that it was going to be as tough as ever to find them, despite Light telling me they were in danger. How could I possibly find them? It was hopeless… I was in Japan, and I felt completely and utterly alone…

Although it wasn't as if I hadn't been alone before…

I went out again, and came back soon after, going on a walk just to clear my head. I desperately wanted to dance, but the crowded streets of Japan didn't make for as good of an audience as the park did back home. I would have to settle for walking down the street and back, which wasn't nearly as satisfying, and didn't succeed in giving me any closure whatsoever.

I started to wonder, for not the first or the last time, if I would've been better off without meeting Matt or Mello. I immediately slapped myself, physically, earning myself strange stares from a few people walking near me. Hell, I was probably quite the sight – in an oversized striped shirt, wearing leather pants and a fedora? If I saw myself I was sure I would think I was crazy too… That was considering I'd left Carter on the bed at the motel.

_As if I would've been able to make it through all this shit without them… I literally owe them my life._

I somberly walked myself back to the motel, and my phone rang just as I laid myself down on the bed and pulled Carter close to me for comfort. I picked it up vigorously – people didn't call me. Ever. The caller ID read 'Unknown', and I flipped open the phone quickly, anxious to talk to whoever it was.

Please, please be who I hoped this was…

"…_Raven?"_

I felt my tear ducts water, and a single sob escaped my lips.

"Yeah. It's me."

* * *

"_**Don't trust a ho, never trust a ho, won't trust a ho that won't trust me…" – "Don't Trust Me", 3OH!3**_

* * *

***I realize there was a massive cliffie. And I hope you all suffer. Because I have twists in store for next chapter, the likes of which I haven't even told Melissa. While you're all here, and you're reading this, I want all of you to go and read MissehKeehl's story, Artificial. It's a NearXOC story. Let's get something straight here, I find Near to be a massive little creeper, and I LIKE this story. Her OC is something that tears Raven to shreds as far as conception goes, at least as far as my opinion is concerned. So go, and read it. It's on my favorites, if you're too lazy to just search it. xD**


	19. Found

***Dun dah dah dah! Chapter nineteen my loves! This chapter's normal sized, considering I normally gripe here about how my chapters are too short… And some people are going to be totally pissed about the beginning. xD Raven is not in the same apartment as Matt and Mello, nor are they in that motel. She just smelled smoke and got all remember-y-like. A few people mentioned that, so I figured I'd set the record straight.**

****The reviewers? They're the shit, the peanut butter to my jelly. Thanks to – **_**simsbabii (I know right? I totally laughed my ass off during the last episode…), Sapphire-Nightshade (Near's just… I don't like Near because I feel like he replaced L. And L was my **__**favorite**__**.), Josephine Falnor (I hate Light too… But I figured I had to put him in there since he's sorta like, a huge deal in Death Note land.), Diabolus Kara (Unfortunately, there's only one vote per reviewer. And cliffhangers suck to read, but they're fun to write.), TheContheDistance (I ADORE long reviews. I'm praying for MelloXRae too, but I will be careful about her being suspicious. I always sort of pictured Raven with dark brown hair to the shoulder blades, blue eyes, with a normal body. By normal I mean like… Not hourglass, but still with shape.), becca670 (Good thing I didn't make you wait long, eh? ;)), Kimi of the Crowd (Your English is perfect. MattXRae? Of course. It's been taken into account. =]), xsorandomx (Whenever you get it done is fine. I'm not going to rush you, considering I'm delighted you're doing it at all. I didn't want her to suspect Light because no one else did in the series.), MissehKeehl (I laughed when Light died. I really did. I was so proud of Matsuda too. =] And aw, thank you so much for plugging me! That would be delightful!), Miss-Dreev (…Oh damn… That's a really, really shoddy plot hole you've pointed out… I honestly hadn't even given it a thought. I start making reference to her being broke in this chapter. Thank you very much, although there's not much I can do to fix it I think… And Light's a total ho. Everyone knows that it's true. =]) icanreadyourmind (Oops? No, that's not an oops, it makes me happy! =D), VampyViolet (God knows **__**I**__** wouldn't trust Light…), Practically Venomous (I think I actually like Kamaki better. And we need to sit down and have a long, possibly violent, chat with Kamimomo, about things in general…), **_**and **_**Angela/Anonymous (Matt really is a total sweetie. I love him. =]). **_**Each and all of you are fantastic, and you are indeed the very reason I write.**

*****Blah, blah, ba-frickety-blah blah. I don't own Death Note. If I did, I would totally steal Misa's entire wardrobe. Even though I'm a prep… I'm a an emo prep. Does that make any sense? Melissa thinks so…**

******The score is – MattXRae: 11, MelloXRae: 11. We're still tied… This chapter is everyone's last chance to vote… If you're going to, VOTE NOW! And if we're still tied, as I said earlier, I get to pick.**

* * *

We were both quiet for a moment, and then the voice spoke again.

"Are you okay?" I laughed sadly. He obviously had not any sort of idea how badly I was hurting.

"That depends on your definition of a-o-freaking-kay." I tried to say with a laugh, attempting to play it off as though I was perfectly fine.

"…Well, I was just making sure you were well. I'll let you go, I've gotta work."

"Fair enough. Bye."

"Take care of yourself, Rae."

"…Yeah. You too, Jared."

And I sobbed, and cried, and wept for hours, heart broken by the fact that for a moment I had really convinced myself that it was Matt on the other end of the line, and for a split-second I heard Derek's voice within Jared's.

I threw my phone to the floor, my temper tantrum letting anger shine through the obvious sadness I was feeling. How could they _do_ this to me? And how could I be so selfish as to think that I was the only one who was allowed to have them? Despite that, the fact that they had just a few hours' notice had jerked my emotions into high gear, and as much as it pained me to say it, I'd begun to wonder if… Despite the fact that she had been an insane, maniacal, twisted murderess on a psychotic rampage…

I was wondering if Vendetta had actually been at least partially right.

I proceeded to bury myself into the cheap bed sheets, face in pillow, sobbing my broken self into fitful sleep.

So much for never crying. It seemed that being tough, for me at least, was subjective. And who the _hell_ was I kidding? I was strong_er_, yes, but strong?

_Hell. No. _No matter what, no matter how I lied to myself, in no way could I convince myself that I wasn't still weak. Only for the sake of Matt and Mello's safety could I keep going, and Light's words had seemed honest. Besides, Matt and Mello were all I had left to go back home to anyway, and now that they weren't there, neither was I.

It was raining outside. The sky was bleak, gray. I found myself walking out onto the street and turning my face upwards, the rain trailing down my forehead, cheeks, and jawbone. The lights of Japan's buildings glittered, taunting and mocking my sorrow.

Even as a child I had found the rain cleansing, and that time was no different. A sense of eerie calm fell over me, and I regained my composure fairly quickly, given my tendencies toward emotional breakdowns. My breathing steadied and I stretched my arms out above my head before bringing them back down to my sides. I exhaled deeply, and continued my walk, gasping when I came upon the building.

I didn't even know that Japan _had_ DeBrand's stores.

I walked in without a thought, despite the fact that I was completely broke and had no money whatsoever. The scent of chocolate wafted through my nose, tickling my olfactory senses, and I completely lost myself, just staring at the rich pieces…

"Would you like a sample?" The perky saleswoman asked, tilting her head to the side. I looked up at her.

"A sample? You mean like, for free?"

"Well, yeah, silly!" she grinned, a bubbly English-speaking Japanese woman who had switched to my native language after saying something in Japanese and not having me respond to it. "It is a _sample_."

I stared down into the glass case, hands pressed up against it as she retrieved my sample, and then looked around hastily.

"Umm…" Her eyes flitted from side to side, and then she looked at me craftily. "What do you want?"

"Huh?" I looked at her in confusion. "But I don't have –"

"SH!" She covered my mouth with one hand, shaking her head quickly. "What. Do. You. Want?" The last part was spoken quietly, as if it was a secret.

"Uh… Um… A black and white truffle. Please." The woman quickly grabbed it from the display, placing it in a bag beside my sample and placing them both in my hands. I looked at the bag, shell-shocked.

"B-but… I can't possibly…"

"No." Her voice was steady, and I looked at her. "I was like you once. I can tell you're having trouble… The very least I can do to alleviate the slightest bit of pain is give you a piece of chocolate."

"Kumiko-chan!" The saleswoman turned quickly, her tight black knot of hair bouncing around on her head. "Shift's over! It's my turn to take over!"

Kumiko turned to the back of the store, and then looked back at me, before holding a finger out and saying, "Wait here."

I followed her command, sitting down at one of the tables. I looked into the bag, which held a small piece of milk chocolate and my beloved black and white truffle. As I stared at the two sweets, I realized something.

_I could give these to Mello. As a gift._

My smile brightened. I didn't have a choice now, I had to find them, to give Mello his chocolate. I'd find something for Matt, too, somewhere or other. With a considerably better mood, finding the two of them didn't seem quite so impossible anymore.

"Well," Kumiko said, exiting the store with me beside her, "You're obviously not from around here…" She trailed off, and looked to me. I waited a few seconds in confusion before realizing that she wanted my name.

"Oh! I'm Raven!" She smiled.

"Well, Miss Raven, why are you here?"

"I'm…" I was quiet for a moment. "I'm looking for my best friends." Kumiko raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to go on. "The only problem is that I don't know where they are. I can't contact them in any way." As I listed the various disadvantages I was at, my mood dampened again. "And to top all of that off, I'm totally broke. No cash whatsoever."

Kumiko put her index finger to her lips, and then looked at me. "Well," she said, "I can fix at least part of that situation."

"You… you can?"

She laughed. "Yep! You can come stay with me and my parents!"

I looked at her awkwardly. How could I do that, stay with her? I'd just _met_ her! I didn't even know if she was like, a creepy rapist!

Kumiko tilted her head at me again, and then nodded understandingly. "Oh. It's because you don't know me very well, isn't it? Well, my father is in the police force… Would you like to meet him? Would that reassure you? We always like to help people in need…"

The girl seemed genuinely tenderhearted, and I nodded.

"And fret not. My mother and father are both fluent in English." I sighed in relief. That was definitely a good thing.

I was dragged to Kumiko's small home, where I met her family, the Aizawas. Her father's first name was Shuichi, and her mother's first name was Ayumi, but given the terms of Japanese respect it was decided that I would just call them Mr. and Mrs. Aizawa.

It wasn't long at all until I was literally moved into the Aizawa residence, sharing with Kumiko, who I learned was eighteen. The four of us ate dinner together, during which I learned the Aizawas were a quiet family, and afterwards Kumiko and I went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to find both Kumiko and Mr. Aizawa gone. Mrs. Aizawa explained to me that they had both gone to work, and that it was entirely plausible that her husband wouldn't be back for several days. Due to work, he was often gone for days at a time. She suggested that I go out for a walk, simply to familiarize myself with the neighborhood.

I obliged, thanking Mrs. Aizawa for being so gracious as to allow me into her home.

She responded by smiling, and saying to be home for dinner.

I walked about for hour after hour, before coming up on a game store that reminded me of my GameStop from what seemed so long ago. A rush of nostalgia came upon me, and I couldn't help it. I entered the store, and began flipping through the games, bright fluorescent lights hurting my eyes a slight bit. I heard a bell _ding_, like the way that one had so long ago, and a voice began speaking rapid Japanese to the man at the counter. I turned once quickly, as a reflex, and it took a few seconds before I looked again at the man looking through the various xBox games.

I walked over slowly, careful not to make a sound, peering around to be sure it was who I thought it was.

And it really was. Striped shirt, vest, goggles, and all.

I wrapped my arms around the man slowly, and breathed out one word.

"…Matt." I heard his quick intake of breath at the sound of my voice.

"Oh my God. Raven." And I cried as he turned around and wrapped me in his arms.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me."

* * *

"_**Younger now than we were back then, don't let me go, don't let me go…" – "Never Say Never", The Fray**_


	20. Rough

***Hellz to the effing yeah. I'm at chapter twenty, and I have over TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS. *Runs around in circles for the better part of twenty-seven minutes in complete and utter ecstasy* You guys are so amazing… Thanks for sticking with me so far. If you hadn't, this story wouldn't have made it past chapter one. Is anyone else having problems uploading documents? I had to post this one the long way...  
*The reviewers are my BEST FRIENDS in the WORLD! Thank you to – _xsorandomx (I would have DIED if I saw someone at GameStop named Derek. Really.), icanreadyourmind (I actually took a little longer to get this one out… My bad. xD), PurpleDancingPanda (Oh, I know how that is. I spent forever just reading before I made an account.), VampyViolet (Never Say Never is a kick ass song.), Kavyle (I found Mello! He's *cough*attheendofthischapter*cough*), Jelly/anonymous (Yay for MelloXRae. =D), lazy/anonymous (Oh, that would've been totally evil if it had just been some stranger… I couldn't do that to her. Although I guess it was Jared on the phone, huh? ;)), sadiegrl (It's the only logical place one would find Matt. ;)), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I know, I think MelloXRae is ADORABLE. XD), Sadisticshadowcat (Matt without goggles is… *drools* And I tend to fangirl all the time. xD), Sapphire-Nightshade (Hurray for finding her best friend!), TheContheDistance (I was all, hell yeah, long review! =D LMFAO Matty-poo. I died reading that. xD Nope, Mello shows up soon. Very soon, as a matter of fact.), MissehKeehl (I actually didn't plan on it being Jared until the very last minute. xD And living with Afro-Man would be amazing.), SystemOfADownNearKun (Aww, I'm so glad xsorandomx referred me! Thank you for taking the time out to read!), becca670 (Yeah, I liked that chapter too. ^^), PersonofDeath02 (I bawled when Derek died. He was my favorite character… T.T), Diabolus Kara (I sorta promised him to Josephine Falnor… You'll have to share. ;)), Amaya-Ai (Yay for the Marsh Mello! xD), Practically Venomous (You are aware of the fact that your review had NOTHING to do with my chapter, right? ;)), CannoNein/anonymous (Oh, I'm very sorry about your password troubles. Brilliant? *blushes* Thank you so much!), Laura Lou/anonymous (Ooh, I LOVE Artificial so much!), If N When (Raven just seems to run into people really easily in Japan, huh? ;)), melloxchocolatexluva (I actually planned on it being Matt in the beginning. xD), _and _Bloodypleasures (Yes! MELLOXRAE FTW!). _You, my reviewers, are eternally lovely for taking the time out to critique my story.**

*****Something to point out – I'm screwing around with the timeline a bit. For example, Light's dad isn't dead yet, even though Mello has his scar. That's the big thing…  
****I don't own Death Note, for if I did, Far and Raven would gang up on Takada and kill her dead. DEAD.**

*******THE RESULTS! THEY'RE IN! THEY'RE IN! And the winner is…. *DRUMROLL* MELLOXRAE! *Confetti everywhere!* MelloXRae wins with… HOLY SHIT. SEVENTEEN VOTES! MattXRae had thirteen votes, and as such, the idiotic jerk will be the love interest of Raven. I'm not sure how big the love triangle deal will be, seeing as how with time… I've found that I may not have it in my heart to hurt Matt. *hangs head***

* * *

We hugged in silence for a moment before Matt pulled away, arms holding onto my elbows.

"What… the hell…?" His voice trailed off, but the words were said in the form of a question. I shook my head, and looked at him reproachfully.

"Did you really think I wasn't going to show up when you were so kind as to forget about me for nearly three months?" I had said it as a joke, but the intent behind it was much more pointed. If he thought I was seriously going to let him off the hook, he was sorely mistaken. Damn bastards, they're freaking _awesome_ best friends, leaving me a _whole ocean away!_

Matt ran his fingers through his hair, letting out one of those '_I was really hoping to never have to deal with this'_ sighs. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow, waiting for what had better amount to a pretty damn good response.

"Raven, I can't tell you why… You shouldn't have come."

"Shouldn't have _come_?! You two are my best friends, for God's sake, do you really think I'm just going to let you leave me alone when everyone else I've ever cared about has died on me?!"

The store had gotten very quiet, the clerk frozen at the desk, staring at me and Matt. Matt's eyes flitted around, and I grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the store. I stopped once we were outside, but my grip on him only tightened, and I said, "Take me to Mello. Now."

"Raven. I _can't_."

"Why not?! I'm not getting any straight answers from you Matt, and to be quite honest it's extremely frustrating!"

"Raven, if I tell you, chances are you'll get wrapped up in it and you'll die!" I recoiled at Matt's outburst.

_Die?_

"Matt…" My voice trembled, rage gone and fear remaining. "You're scaring me… What's going on?"

He sighed again, and it seemed that that was the standard response that I would forever be getting from him. Matt put a hand to my cheek, and a single tear slid down my face.

"We're not hiding it from you to be cruel, Rae." He put his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him. "It's for your own good. You can't be with us and be safe at the same time."

"Well maybe… Maybe I don't want to be safe Matt. Maybe I'd rather be in danger and be with the two of you." He stared silently at me for a minute, before leaning down and kissing me gently on the cheek.

"I miss being that naïve…" My confusion rose, and he said, "I'll find you again, Rae. Promise."

And he started to leave. Like it was nothing, like I wasn't worth anything at all to him. I gaped like a fish for a minute, thinking how it was almost comical that he and Mello were my everything when they could just drop me in a second.

"Matt…" He stopped, turning around to hear me out. "Can you at least… can you come back to where I'm staying, just for a minute? I have something for the two of you…" I hadn't had time to get him anything, but I could make them share the chocolate I'd gotten exclusively for Mello.

Matt's eyes shut, and he looked almost as if he was in pain before replying, "No… I can't…"

He walked away, and I cried for hours, much to the dismay of the Aizawa household. Kumiko, after a long while, got up the courage to come in and confront me about it.

"And I found my best friend and all he did was _turn me away!_" I finished tearfully after she'd finally managed to get me to open up to her.

"Well he must have had a reason," she said, curling her legs up beneath her, "After all, you two are best friends." I nodded wordlessly. I felt better having talked to her, but it still hurt that this almost complete stranger was being more empathetic than my best friends. And then it hit me.

_Oh my God. I needed to call Light._

"Uh… Kumiko, I think I'm going to go on another walk, just to clear my head." She nodded, and told me to take as long as I needed.

_"Moshi moshi?"_ I heard Misa's voice, and sighed with great relief.

"Hey, Misa, it's Raven. Is Light there with you?"

"Of course! Just give Misa a second, yes?"

Light was soon on the phone, and I spilled to him that I thought I had some information, even though he may already know it. He responded that it may be easier to meet in person.

"I… found Matt… Er, well, I didn't find him, but I know he's in this general area, and that means Mello's around too…" It was hard for me to talk about, due to the fact that Matt had so blatantly pushed me away. I rambled on and on, and Light nodded as if he already knew what I was telling him, whether he really did or not. By the end of it, my head was in my hands and I was trembling, and Light grabbed on to my wrist.

"You're so strong," he said genuinely, and I blinked a few times to try to stop my crying. "And no matter what happens, I will always help you out. But we _have _to do this, for Matt and for Mello both. Their lives hang in the balance Raven, and you're the only one who can save them."

I nodded shortly, trying not to sob. I looked at Light, who was gazing at me, concerned.

"Do you want coffee? Or ramen, or anything like that?" I nodded again, and he led me to some place that had really, extremely good coffee. After awhile, Light said that he had to leave to get back to work, and before he left he gave me a hug which I gladly returned. "Keep it up, Raven. You're their only hope." I gripped Light tighter for a split-second, and then let go to let him leave. Misa was lucky to have him. Light seemed like a really truly good guy.

I failed to notice the man across the street on a motorcycle until, as I was walking away, he pulled up beside me. With the helmet on, it was impossible for me to tell who it was, even though he looked really familiar.

"Get. On," the voice practically snarled.

"W-what?"

"Get on, _now."_

"Oh my God. Oh my God Mel –" Somehow, he pulled me up onto the motorcycle without any will of my own, speeding off down the street like a crazy person. When we stopped for some sort of traffic regulation, I said, "Mello, what the hell's going –"

"Don't talk while I'm driving." He stopped in a deserted parking lot almost twenty minutes later, pulling in so recklessly that I thought we were both going to fall off the bike. I got off, preparing to give him a hug, but before I could even think about it he pinned me against the nearby building.

"Mello, I don't –"

"Why the _hell_ were you talking to that bastard?!"

"L-Light? He… He…"

"_Why, Rae?!"_

"I was trying to _help _you guys! He said you two were in trouble!" I slapped a hand to my mouth as soon as I'd said it. That was supposed to be a secret, damn it!

"I swear to God I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you, Raven." He was close – dangerously close – and I could feel his breath on my skin.

"I was… I was worried about you guys."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to _worry_, damn it?! You make me a goddamn basket case!"

"Mello, you were already a basket case, I just make sure you know when you're acting like one!" I retorted, mad that he was acting like this. I'd never realized what total jerks these two could be.

"Can't you realize that you're helping us more by staying out of the way?"

"Why, Mello? Why?" He hadn't moved away at all. In fact, if anything, Mello had gotten closer to my face, centimeters apart.

"Because we get distracted when you're anywhere near us, you immature, clingy, dependent little girl!"

Hot tears flooded to my eyes. "Damn it, Mello, you heartless, cruel, asshole of a bastard…"

"If I _ever_, and I do mean_ ever_ see you with, or hear that you are in contact with Light Yagami again, I will kill you. I will kill you, and I will kill him, and then I will kill myself, understand?!"

I shook my head once, confused, and just as that action was finished, he had each of his hands and my shoulders and I was totally immobile against the wall as his lips crashed with mine. The kiss was rough, dangerous, and angry – just like Mello was.

And when he pulled away, we stood there, staring at each other for the better part of fifteen minutes, or at least that's what it felt like.

"Go home."

"Where's home, Mello? Inform me, please." The sarcasm dripping from my words shocked him a bit, I thought.

"Anywhere but here. You need to haul your ass out of Japan as soon as possible, or at the very least cut all communication with that bastard."

"Why? Light's been nothing but kind when all you and Matt have done is leave me!" Mello's eyes narrowed, and after staring at me for a second longer he said, "Just do it."

"Give me a reason, Mello! One solid, truthful reason!"

He looked into my eyes, smoldering with unidentifiable emotion, and said, "Trust me."

Mello took me back to the coffee shop that Light and I had gone to before speeding off without a word. Once again, I was left alone.

When I made it back to the Aizawa household, I ate the DeBrand's chocolate with Kumiko.

* * *

**_"You know that I could use somebody, someone like you…" – "Use Somebody", Kings of Leon_**


	21. Infatuation

***Mmm… Twenty-one… I dunno how long this is gonna be… I don't think my last few chapters have been very good, and I don't think this one's any better. I'm sorry for that.**

****My reviewers? They're the greatest. Thanks to – **_**simsbabii (I'm very glad I made your day!! ^^), Sadisticshadowcat (It hits her this chapter. I promise. xD Rae's a small bit dense. ;)), VampyViolet (I know right? I hate it when Mello's a jerk… It makes me very sad…), icanreadyourmind (Haha I totally did that laughing at MissehKeehl's "The Completely Serious Adventures of Super Matt".), Josephine Falnor (Just keep in mind that Raven's not the brightest when it comes to listening to others… ;)), Amaya-Ai (I've always found Mello's attitude strangely alluring for no reason in particular… Beats me. ///), Carnivorous Mushroom (Gah! I'll try to keep up with your standards!), PersonofDeath02 (Is this soon enough? ;)), MissehKeehl (I wanted to shoot Matt in his face at the beginning of the chapter. I really did. .), xsorandomx (I don't want Matt to get hurt… But… Love triangles are funnn… I don't know what to DO! D=), SystemOfADownNearKun (Oh, wow… You made an account just to review my story? *blushes* That's so… It's totally flattering. I'm at a loss for words.), melloxchocolatexluva (Light needs to go die. I hate him even more after this chapter. =/), Diabolus Kara (I'm toying with the older brother thing. My problem is that I like writing all the jealous tension, I just wouldn't be able to hurt either of them…), DancingPurplePanda (I know, right? About time they kissed… ;)), thecupcakedealer (Aww, thank you ever so much!), TheContheDistance (Was the kiss too sudden? I figured that I was twenty chapters in, so something romantic needed to happen… It wasn't really meant to be funny, but I suppose it could be taken that way. ;)), SuperCuteTomomi (Awwh, thank you so much!), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I really hope Light doesn't kill Matt and Mello! …Oh, wait, I'm the only one who knows. xD), **_**and **_**If N When (I was getting fed up with having no romance! I was like, it NEEDS to happen!). **_**You guys… Wow… we've made it a long way, huh?**

*****OKAY GUYS, THIS IS THE SPECIAL PART WHERE I RESPOND TO PRACTICALLY VENOMOUS'S REVIEW. This is because she's too much of a dumbass to find it herself. *sighs* I knew you wouldn't like that last chapter because you were a gigantic advocate of MattXRae. But get over yourself, dumbass. :O Hey, I'm probably hanging out with you as you're reading this. xD  
****I don't own Death Note, because if I did, *cough*MattXMello would be canon*cough*. Although who's to say it isn't? They were like NEVER shown, so for all we know, it COULD BE!**

* * *

It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up that it finally hit my dense excuse for a brain.

Mello had _kissed _me.

He had… kissed me… All of a sudden, the vengeance I had invoked upon him by eating his chocolate morphed into guilt in the pits of my stomach. If he'd kissed me, then it wasn't possible that he didn't care.

But then what the hell was I to him? If he cared then how could he just leave me? I mean, Matt was supposed to care about me too, and it was _very_ obvious that he could just leave with a display of social detachment that couldn't be followed by any other act.

And what did _I _feel for _him_? For that matter what about Matt? Where the hell did Matt fit into all this? All I wanted to do was beat my head against the floor, but I figured that Mrs. Aizawa wouldn't really like that. When all had run through my head, I was still confused as hell, and decided that I would continue to be pissed off at both of them, seeing as how they both had (yet again) left me alone, and in my opinion that was unforgivable no matter the circumstances.

Just to spite them, I found myself calling Misa's number.

What? It was nothing more than semantics, really. Mello told me not to talk to Light – he never forbade me from talking to Light's fiancée. And if I just so _happened _to bump into Light while I was with Misa?

Then _que sera se-fucking-ra._

Yes, I know I'm an immature bitch. I didn't really care at that point. You wouldn't care either, and if you did, then you'd be a goddamn saint.

My emotions are so screwed up. Up is down, blue is pink and I'm hearing through my eyeballs. I don't know what to think any more.

"Ahh, Rae-Rae!" Misa had taken to calling me that, and the cute blonde had me calling her Misa-Misa. "We should shop, yes?"

"Well… We could… The only problem with that theory is that I'm unemployed, and thusly poor."

Misa's English was improving fairly rapidly, and she understood what I said completely, grinning brightly. She took my hand, saying, "Oh, come on! It'll be fun!"

After (not) much coercion, I was taken shopping with Misa and Light, who was dragged along for the ride. Misa, whose Lolita-like style was, in my opinion, utterly and childishly adorable, thrust a purple dress into my hands, and I said, "Misa-Misa, why would I try this on if there's no way I can buy it?"

The bubbly blonde rolled her eyes once, and said exasperatedly, "It's called _fun_ Rae-Rae!"

I was Misa Amane's Barbie doll for the better part of three hours, trying on dress after skirt after dress after accessory. And I hated every minute of it.

Or, to be more accurate, I _acted _like I hated it. In reality, it was quite a bit of fun to play dress-up with the model/actress. She was quite the uplifting presence given my mood, and Light was there simply to keep things down to earth. Well, er, not necessarily down to earth. It wasn't possible to do that when Misa was being Misa. He did, however, manage to keep things closer to Earth, which was an accomplishment in itself. When Misa left for the bathroom, however, I found myself in a rather… _awkward_ situation.

Light was close. _Really _close. As close as Mello was last night.

And let me tell you, I was not _nearly _as comfortable with him as I was with Mello. Which is odd, considering that Light was a very clean-cut man whereas Mello was *cough*crazy and bipolar*cough*.

"Have you gotten anything new, Raven?" His voice was soft, like what I imagined a lover's to be like, except he totally was _not_ my lover.

I shook my head once – no way in hell was I going into my encounter with Mello the night before. Far too much to explain there, not to mention the fact that even I wasn't sure what had happened there.

_Those lips on mine… So coarse, so hurt… So… protective…_

I was jerked back to reality by Light's voice, a soothing tone to it. "It's okay. You'll get it. I need you Raven. You're the only one that can do this for me."

And then he kissed me.

And all I could think was _Holy hell I've had more kissing happen to me twenty-four hours than I have in seventeen years._

Light pulled away, a gentle look in his eyes as he turned to embrace Misa as she came out of the bathroom. My jaw nearly dropped.

FREAKING CREEPER!

I proceeded to run into the bathroom and rinse my mouth out with water, getting rid of any trace of Light Yagami that remained on my lips. And at that moment, I decided that Mello was probably right. It was probably a very, _very _good idea to stay away from that bastard… And my heart swelled with sorrow when I realized that Misa had no idea whatsoever.

I couldn't tell her, either, because she'd believe Light over me without a doubt. Who could blame her? He was her fiancée!

When I got back to the Aizawa household, I asked Kumiko if she'd like to go for a walk. She said of course. We walked for a long while, before finally Kumiko stopped me.

"What, Kumiko?" I questioned, curious as to why we'd stopped in a small park so suddenly.

"Because," she started, "_you_ are going to teach _me_ a dance!"

I raised an eyebrow. I didn't do choreography – I free-wheeled all my moves, stringing them together as I went without a thought. How was I supposed to teach her to do that? My answer was given when she plopped down a CD player and said, "Or, rather, we're going to make one up together."

"Why? Can't you do it on your own?"

"Well… I could… But I figured you'd help me, since you're like one of my best friends." My heart throbbed, painful memories of Derek surfacing, ones I didn't even know I had retained. Michael Jackson, GameStop, SoulCalibur, Applebee's – one after another the scenes flashed through my head, Mello and Matt flitting in and out as they pleased.

"Rae?" I heard Kumiko's concerned voice, pulling me out of my daydream. "Did I do something? Are you okay?"

I reached up to my eyes, and found that they were indeed watering, and I somehow found the strength to paste on a smile. "Of course, Kumiko. Just perfect. A little emotional is all. Don't worry about me."

Kumiko pursed her lips and looked at me with a judgmental stare, but said nothing further.

"Anyway!" I said, clapping my hands together and trying to find a more lighthearted topic, "What song are we using?"

Kumiko's eyes lit up, and it looked as though the somber mood had been lost. She bent down, pressing buttons on the machine, talking quickly.

"I picked a song you'd probably know, one that's in English that I like too, that way we'd both be able to enjoy it." The girl grinned cheerily, reminding me so much of Derek that it hurt. I didn't refocus until the chorus of the song broke through my thoughts.

"_**You were hanging in the corner with your five best friends, you heard that I was trouble but you couldn't resist –"**_

And I couldn't help it. I completely burst out laughing, mostly at the irony of it all. Kumiko looked at me strangely, but there was nothing I could explain to her.

"What? Cobra Starship not your kind of bad, Rae?"

I shook my head, and said, "No, of course not. I really like Cobra Starship."

What was so funny? Against all my better judgment, I realized I had fallen for Mello, who was really, as far as I knew, as bad as they came.

And I didn't even know his last name.

* * *

Matt was staring at the two young women, feeling like as big of a stalker as could be. After all, if he was found, how would he ever explain being up a tree like this?

No, literally, _up a tree._

He couldn't help it. After he'd found out about Mello's 'escapade' with Raven (minus the kiss, of course. Mello left that part out.), Matt found himself wanting to see her again, despite leaving her to begin with. And when she started laughing hysterically as the Japanese girl made the music play, Matt felt partially responsible.

_My God,_ he thought_, Mello and I have finally driven her crazy._

The two women were both completely oblivious to his presence, even as Matt's goggles refracted a bit of sunlight onto the ground.

* * *

"_**It's not so pleasant, and it's not so conventional. It sure as hell ain't normal, but we deal, we deal…" – "Camisado", Panic at the Disco**_

* * *

***Hey guys, sorry to bother you with an ending note… But is the romance moving too fast? I know we JUST decided on a pairing last chapter… And also, is Matt horribly out of character? Let me know, please.**


	22. Stalker

***DUH NUH! I've been trying to think up different sound effects for the beginning of each chapter. They all end up starting with 'duh' or 'dah'. Chapter twenty-two. I have nothing clever to say.**

****Thanks and thanks and LOVE to my reviewers! Thank you to – **_**PersonofDeath02 (Okayz, good. I thought so too, but just checking. ^^), CannoNein (Ohmygawd. I even KNEW that Matt didn't like the outdoors, I just didn't think about it! …I'm a dumbass. =/), xXRebeccaxRiverXx (Cobra Starship's the shit), Kavyle (Loud reviews are fun. They amuse me, in the best way possible. ^^), MissehKeehl (Aww! I want Matt to sing some of The Killers music now!), DancingPurplePanda (Haha a smoking tree would've been great! I wish I would've thought of that before I'd wrote the beginning of this chapter!), Josephine Falnor (She's gonna try. Light'll notice that something's wrong if she's too obvious about it! O.O), If N When (A rather good idea, this MattXKumiko thing. I may play around with that, thanks for the idea!), Sadisticshadowcat (He's an ugly person inside. And that's where it truly matters. xD), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I wanted her to, but then I figured that would be out of character. xD), simsbabii (Matt's my favorite creepy stalker! =D), VampyViolet (Irony's my favorite writing device.), TheContheDistance (See, WE all know Mello isn't as bad as it gets, but she thinks other wise. ;) I was worried the romance was too fast, but I wanted something to happen since we were like… twenty chapters in. T.T), Diabolus Kara (Yeah… I sorta forgot about that… My bad… =/), xsorandomx (I haven't had time to review your next chapter yet, I'm SO sorry! I'll get around to it as soon as I can, I just haven't had time! T.T), icanreadyourmind (I ADORE Cobra Starship), Amaya-Ai (RaeXMello, FTW! …Wait, they already won… Damn. ;)), and SystemofaDownNearKun (Light needs to go die, huh?). **_**You guys are great, and without you I'd have no reason to write… Well, I'd have reason, but it probably wouldn't go anywhere!**

*****HERE'S TO – Broken Glass Walker, who is actually Practically Venomous signed in under my account. I have nothing to say to you, so this bullet was pointless.**

******I don't own Death Note, for if I did, then Light the Scumbag would become L Lawliet's one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater. Anyone else lurve that song? I rather like it, myself. ^^**

* * *

"What?! I thought we kicked _here!_"

"No, Kumiko, you dumbass, we spin here, and _then_ it's a kick!" Kumiko wasn't exactly the most… gifted dancer, put nicely. It was odd. I'd thought she would be good at this, given her thin frame and light body, but it seemed that she just wasn't… what's the word…

Oh yeah. **Coordinated.**

But she tried hard. And as long as she was trying, I was trying. I kept hearing things from around us, and I really thought I was going crazy, seeing as how Kumiko wasn't aware of it. She went up for a jump of some kind and landed on her right foot wrong, wobbling and falling to her right, ending up knocking us both to the ground.

We were laughing hysterically, gasping for air, and when we finally were able to steady our breathing we both heard a light chuckle from a tree.

Now, call me crazy, but even in Raven's Magical World of Crazy, the _trees _do not make intelligible and conscious noises. I heard a _bleep_, like one off of a…

A _video game_.

Sure enough, I looked up and saw a flash of red hair in one of the trees, attached to that damn…

Oh, damn it. I couldn't bring myself to be mad anymore, why try? Mello was so much _easier _to be angry at than Matt was.

I sat up on the ground quickly, and Kumiko looked at me worriedly. I rolled my eyes once, and said, "_Matt!_ Get your sorry ass down here!"

Apparently Matt isn't the most coordinated person either, because he proceeded to practically _tumble _down the tree, making such a spectacle of himself that I couldn't help but laugh. He sat up, looking at Kumiko and I who were standing, and put a hand behind his head, grinning toothily.

"Hey, I'm Matt." Matt's words were obviously directed at Kumiko, who looked from him to me.

"…Your Matt?" she asked me, disbelieving.

"Yep. My Matt." I crossed my arms – okay, I wasn't mad anymore, but I still wasn't going to let him walk away unscathed.

"…Oh, come on, Rae…" I cocked an eyebrow, staring at him, waiting for the apology I was expecting. "…I'm sorry, okay? I figured if you'd let Mello off so easy you'd be okay with me…" My arms fell to my sides and I blushed bright red.

"W-what? W-what did Mello s-say?" Oh my God if Mello told Matt about that kiss I would _murder_ him… If I could find him, that is…

"Just that he told you off… But he was in a good mood. Or as good of a mood as Mello's ever in." The tension in my body deflated – he didn't know.

"Uh…" Kumiko's voice broke the silence that ensued. "I'm Kumiko."

"Yeah," Matt smirked, "I know." Kumiko's facial expression didn't change, almost as if she didn't know how to react, but I looked at her, and said, "He's safe. I promise. He's just far too smart for his own good, despite being one lazy son of a bitch."

He pouted once, before standing up quickly. "You know, Rae, I climbed a goddamn _tree_ for you. A _tree_. I don't like being outside, you should really know how much of a sacrifice that was for me."

He yawned. "Well. I'd best be going, before Mello starts PMSing over the fact that I'm gone." His eyes flashed over to me, hinting at something… worry, perhaps? I couldn't be sure. He was walking away as I pondered this, and I yelled after him.

"Matt!" Both Kumiko and said man looked to me, and I ran over to him, grabbing at him with a hug. He gently hugged back, and said, "I'd pick you up in my arms, but there would be two problems with that."

I pulled back a bit, still in his arms, but looking into his face with a questioning expression.

"One, my muscles probably wouldn't be able to due to the fact that I've been sitting on my ass and looking at cameras and whatnot since we left you behind." He chuckled, and I laughed along with him.

"And the second reason?" I could tell Kumiko was feeling awkward, tracing things on the ground with her feet, back turned to us. Matt pulled his goggles off his eyes, mischief dancing in his eyes.

"Because I'm pretty sure," he whispered into my ear, "that if I touched anything that Mello was interested in that I'd be castrated on the spot."

I blushed. "…You're so full of it, Matt."

He shook his head, and pulled out of my grasp. "Nah. I'm the only one who's aware of it though. Mello's quite the blockhead sometimes… It was nice meeting you Kumiko." She turned around, and waved shyly.

"As much as I'm going to try not to… You'll probably end up seeing me around, Rae."

"Oh, yeah. Because I just _despise_ your presence."

He chuckled. "If you were smarter, you would."

"High school dropout – what can I say?"

He laughed again, then dropped his voice to below a whisper, deathly serious. "Trust Mello on what he said."

"What?"

"If you know what's good for you, you'll stay away from Light Yagami." And he left without a single other word, me to ponder what he'd said.

Must they be so cryptic? Really? Can't they just tell me _why_?

I sighed, before Kumiko came up beside me and said, "Okay, not gonna lie – this Matt guy's super cute."

I rolled my eyes and laughed, troubles pushed aside for the moment. "You would, you know that?" She nodded, grinning cheerily. "Now," I said, getting serious, "About that jump…"

"No! No more, no more, no more! I give up!" She flopped down onto the ground again, and I saw Matt look back in the distance as I yelled at her for quitting, all in a joking manner of course, and I thought I could make out a slight smile, ever-so-slight, on his face.

"So tell me more about this Mello guy, anyway." Kumiko was lying on her stomach, staring into my face, mischief twinkling in her eyes.

I rolled my eyes. "He's a hardheaded, good-for-nothing jerk who doesn't care about anyone other than himself." The words came off my tongue easily, even though they felt like a half-lie. The hardheaded jerk part was true enough… but he wasn't good for nothing, and it was obvious that even though he didn't want to admit it that he cared about Matt and I.

In his own special, jackass type of way. The stubborn bastard.

Kumiko grinned teasingly. "You _likeee_ himmm…" And I blushed, just as my phone went off, saving me from the interrogation. My relief turned to curiosity though, and I couldn't figure out who on earth would be calling me.

_Misa Amane_.

…Oh shit.

My eyes widened, and I didn't know whether to answer the phone or not. Kumiko tilted her head in my general direction, trying to figure out what was going on. My panic alarm was going off, and I didn't know whether what Matt and Mello had said about Light extended to Misa… It had been entirely possible that Mello was overreacting about the situation, but with Matt putting in a word as well, I would have difficulty denying that there was some sort of problem there.

I gulped. Misa would know something was wrong if I didn't pick up, so I reluctantly answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rae-Rae!" I smiled despite myself. She was far too innocent to be trouble – she had to be. No way in hell could she be associated with whatever bad things Light was involved with. "Do you want to grab lunch to morrow?" She said tomorrow like it was two words, and I laughed.

"Of course, Misa-Misa." I looked at Kumiko, who gave me a peace sign and a cheeky grin. She seemed like a reliable enough safety net in case anything went wrong. "Would you mind if I brought a friend?"

"Of course not! Motchi's coming too!" I got particulars from the ditzy blonde, and then we hung up.

I turned to Kumiko. "We're getting lunch with Misa Amane tomorrow."

Kumiko's jaw dropped. "You mean… _the_ Misa Amane? Like the model?!"

I laughed. "Yeah. That Misa Amane." We began our walk back to Kumiko's house, her bombarding me with questions about Misa. I hadn't realized the girl was that popular and Japan, and Kumiko's interest amused me. We walked by a building on our way back, one we always passed by without a thought. This day, however, we noticed it.

"Goddamnit, stupid, idiotic, unfeeling… Grr!" A white-haired teenager was mumbling profanities in the general direction of the building, and walked into Kumiko and I. The angry look on her face softened, and for a moment I thought she was going to cry, apologizing to Kumiko and I. We asked her if she was okay, though it was painfully obvious that she was _not_ okay.

"It's just… Ugh. Those damn boy geniuses." The girl laughed half-heartedly, "I'm sorry again for running into…" She paused, waiting for our names.

"Kumiko."

"Raven."

She smiled slightly. "Hi. I'm Far."

* * *

"_**We're friends, just because we move units…" – "Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends", Fall Out Boy**_

* * *

**Far belongs to MissehKeehl, from her NearXOC story, **_**Artificial.**_** Go read it. NOW.**

**On a different note, all in favor of having a creepy stalker Matt up a tree outside their window, say AYE.**

**_As for myself, it's a definite, "AYE."_**


	23. Need

***I've given up on my sound effects. Just let it be known across the land that this is chapter twenty-three… And on a side note, MELISSA GOT A BOYFRIEND. =D I know this doesn't mean anything to you guys, I just wanted to broadcast that Practically Venomous got a boyfriend. ^^**

****I love my reviewers ever so dearly. Thank you to – **_**PersonOfDeath02 (Why, thank you! ^^), Diabolus Kara (Oh, I never get sick of praise! Never EVER! It makes me feel good about myself, haha.), Josephine Falnor (Personally, a boy crawling in through a window is JUST as good as him climbing a tree. At least, in MY opinion. ;)), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (You really should go read Artificial. It's one of my favorite fanfics.), VampyViolet (Oh, you reviewed from school? That's so sweet! ^^), Bloodypleasures (I love Far, she's one of my favorite OC characters.), Hannah/Anonymous (Yeah, Near and Far are like the ultimate couple names.), icanreadyourmind (Matt and Mello in a tree? Smexxiii… *drools*), Clair/Anonymous (Thank you so much! ^^), SystemofaDownNearKun (Indeed, hurray for bad puns. ^^ Ooh, do I sense a fight for Matt coming on? xD), MissehKeehl (Oh, the two will interact quite a bit, if you don't mind. If at any time you wish for me to stop using Far, just say the word. Otherwise I'll use her to my heart's content. ^^), TheContheDistance (Reviews are always more fun with evil laughter. Otherwise they're just… I don't know… dry. Light's true colors will show soon, and Raven's not going to be happy at all…), DancingPurplePanda (Leather pants? *drools* dead sexy…), Sapphire-Nightshade (We all do love Matt, ever so much!), justiceonmyown (You made an account just to review my story? I'm so flattered! Words fail me. ^^), x-Xara-x (Maybe they'll die, maybe they won't… If they do, it's not for a little while yet. ;)), Kavyle (If Ichigo showed up, I'd just… Hell, I don't know what I'd do… How would that even work?), lafayette722 (Aww, thank you for checking out my story!),**_** and**_** xsorandomx (I… I still can't get your link to work… And it's making me very, very, very sad… T_T). **_**You guys are awesomely kickass.**

*****Now, I didn't forget you simsbabii, I just figured** **your "ARMAGAHD HAI FAR!" deserved a bullet all to itself. I was laughing so hard when I read that!**

******Also, Practically Venomous… Please don't eat your boyfriend's Pringles. That would be generally frowned upon.**

*******I don't own Death Note, and Far belongs to MissehKeehl from "Artificial", and I'm supposed to be in bed, so I don't have time for anything clever. My apologies, dear friends.**

* * *

Kumiko had to leave later, her shift at DeBrand's starting soon. Far and I managed to hit it off, despite her temper being just the slightest bit intimidating. She sort of reminded me of Mello, which was oddly comforting. We talked quite a bit about music, and we had near the same taste, which was very nice. She talked about her troubles with a friend of hers, Near, whose name sounded vaguely familiar, and I got so comfortable with her that I actually invited her with Misa, Kumiko, and I the next day.

"Hey Far? Do you want to come to lunch with Kumiko, a friend and I tomorrow?"

She smiled brightly. "Sure. Who's your friend?" I smiled back at her.

"Misa Amane." Her composure turned dark, and her eyes widened in horror.

"How do you know Misa?"

I recoiled. Maybe Misa wasn't so innocent after all? "Uh… She r-ran into me on the s-street…" I managed to stutter out. Far looked around her quickly, frantically checking her surroundings.

"Far? What's wrong?" Before I could react, she'd grabbed my wrist and pulled me into an alley.

"Why are you in contact with Misa Amane?" I shrunk back into the wall, fear evident in my eyes as she stared me down. I looked down at my feet, and contemplated whether or not to tell her the truth, and decided I might as well, considering that I didn't trust Light anymore anyways…

"H-her fiancée said that he k-knew my friends M-Matt and M-Mello…" I managed to stutter out, scared to death that she was going to hurt me. Her body locked up and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"You… You know Matt and Mello?" Her voice was quiet, monotone. I nodded slowly, afraid of the repercussions that I would be facing.

Far remained quiet, and stood still, not moving an inch. Finally she took a step backwards.

"Wait here."

"Wha... What?" I was confused. She wanted me to stay in this alley, by myself? She was crazy!

"Wait. Here. I'll be back in five, promise. I have to go talk to Near." She ran off without another words, leaving me alone there. What on earth were Matt and Mello involved in that made them so infamous? It didn't make any sense...

When she came back, much to my relief, I hadn't been raped or beaten. Much to my dismay, Far was frantic.

"You need to come with me."

"Huh? Where are we -" She had a death grip on my wrist again, and was pulling me out of the alley.

"Don't. Ask. Questions. We're going to see Near!" A lightbulb went off over my head, finally recognizing that name... Near?

...Wasn't that the guy Mello was always, _always_ saying he had to beat?

Before I had any time to make sense of my realization, Far was pulling the both of us into that tall building Kumiko and I had seen her storm out of earlier. I found myself marched into a room where playing cards were towered, everywhere, all around the room, and a white-haired boy sat in the middle of the card castle-like structure. Without looking up, he said, "You must be Raven."

I gulped, and nodded slowly. This guy... He was like a robot... His voice was completely void of emotion, almost the exact opposite of Far, who was standing beside me.

"Near," she started, "Call them. If she knows them, and came this far to find them, Mello's bound to stay on the line for at least long enough to figure out what she's doing with us. In this case," a slightly humored tone caught her voice, "his hatred of you will work to our advantage."

And within the next ten seconds, I heard Mello's voice.

"What the hell do you want, Near?"

And I couldn't help it. At the sound of his voice, I blurted it out.

"_Mello!_" There was silence for a moment, and I heard fighting for the phone before Matt's voice came over.

"Raven?! Holy, oh my God - damn it, Mello, knock it off!" I could hear more grunts, and I laughed to myself as I imagined them wrestling for the phone.

"Raven, what the fuck are you doing with Near?!" Mello's voice was... well, it was beyond pissed, to be frank.

"Mello, what are you guys -" I was cut off by Near, who said, "You should join forces with us, Mello."

"Do _not _get Raven involved with this, Near! She's not any part of this, and there _will _be consequences if anything happens to her!" Mello's voice was frantic, a mixture of fury and... was it worry, perhaps?

"There is truly no reason to be so infuriated Mello. I simply wish for your assistance in this case, that is all. Raven is in no danger at all."

I looked at Far worriedly, who didn't pay me any attention whatsoever. She made her way to the microphone, and started speaking into it.

"Mello, Raven won't be hurt. We really need you though, together, as a team, we're better than L."

...Better than... L? What the hell was going on that they were comparing themselves to the great detective himself?

"I don't give a damn about any of this, not a bit! I can capture and kill Kira _by myself_! I don't need you, Near!" And the line went dead, as if he'd completely forgotten that I was there. I looked down at my feet after noticing the other people in the room, trying to hide the unshed tears I was feeling at Mello's light dismissal of my presence. And then the words registered in my head.

"Capture and kill... Kira...?" I didn't even realize I'd uttered the words allowed. My best friends... were in a race to capture Kira? My eyes flashed over to Near, who was twirling his hair around his finger.

"It appears there is no other way. Mello cannot be counted upon, and as this girl has been brought to SPK headquarters and is aware of our purpose, she cannot be left elsewhere. Far, please go with her to retrieve her belongings and bring them here. She seems most comfortable with you." Far looked at me, and nodded.

"Of course, Captain Near. I shall bow to your every whim." Far mockingly saluted, and marched me out the door, where my tears yet again began to fall. Far's face softened, and she asked, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? My best friends are in a race to save the world, _that is what's wrong, _along with the fact that it's quite likely that they will _die!"_

I was trembling with rage and worry, but Far managed to get me to the Aizawa household, where I went in by myself, and told Mr. and Mrs. Aizawa that I was going back to the States. I packed up my bags, and left, trying not to cry anymore, and very glad that Kumiko wasn't home so I wouldn't have to explain any of this to her. I'd be sure to make my way to DeBrand's later to try and talk to her. Far smiled weakly when we got back to SPK headquarters, and said, "Well, at least you get to share a room with me, huh?"

I nodded. Everything was beginning to seem rational in my head again, especially as I realized I would probably be safe with Near and Far. "Yeah..."

She tilted her head at me, and asked, "Something else on your mind? It seems as though there is..."

I nodded... My anger and worry had worn off, and as a weak attempt at humor, I asked Far, "If you ever had a kid with Near, would you name him Between?"

Far's cheeks went bright red, and she shoved me into our room, which, despite all of my conflicting emotions, had me in peals of laughter, and Mello didn't worry me at all, not one bit. Because I would prove to him that I was worth it, somehow or other. I wasn't sure how, but I would. I had to, because I was certain that one kiss wasn't nearly enough to satisfy how much I needed him.

* * *

"_**Cuz I miss you, so far, and the collision of your kiss that made it so hard…" – "Cemetery Drive", My Chemical Romance**_

**

* * *

*****Credit for the name of Near and Far's kid goes to Practically Venomous**


	24. Win

***ZOMG IT'S DONE. I am soooo sorry this one took so long to get out, school's been insane, I had a paper due for English Comp 103, I had an Algebra II test, a Chem I test, a French II test… *is asphyxiated by amount of homework* It's partially my fault too, I hung out with Devon a lot the past few days… Anyway, this chapter… I rather like it… Even though the ending may piss some people off…**

****I HAVE OVER 300 EFFING REVIEWS. OHMIGAWD. How the hell did this happen? Thanks to – **_**PersonofDeath02 (Thanks oodles! =D), Diabolus Kara (Bob would be an acceptable name for their child as well, I do believe…), DancingPurplePanda (I about died when that name was suggested to me. I really did.), TheContheDistance (Mello redeems himself, I promise. This chapter does it, to be honest. Fluff is my favorite, in the whole wide world. ^^), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (It wouldn't be as much fun without Near! ;)), x-Xara-x (They're my favorite albinos too! =)), oXo sUpErSpIcYsUgAr oXo (I'm glad I made you laugh so hard you had to use an inhaler! …Are you okay? ;)), simsbabii (I don't know about you, but I went crazy when Matt and Mello died…), Josephine Falnor (Rae won't be with the SPK too long… If she were Mello would throw a total hissy fit. ;)), Kimi of the Crowd (Mello and Rae meet up again soon! Next chapter, actually. =D), VampyViolet (Thanks for being with me so long, you've been a great reviewer!), BBLove/SystemofaDownNearKun (Matt and Mello fighting over a girl? TOTALLY priceless. xD), rinnytintin/anonymous (It took me a little while to figure it out too! ;)), MissehKeehl (Mello didn't really… well okay, he did forget, but it was only for a little while. And he makes up for it, I promise! And as soon as I publish, I'm off to review your new chapter. =D), xXRebeccaxRiverXx (I would totally name their kid Between, if it was my choice. ;)), RonWeasley4Life (I have no intentions of stopping this fanfic until the end. My reviewers have been far too good to me for me to do that to them. I'm glad you like it. ^^), icanreadyourmind (…If Near and Far's kid was Beyond, we would have a major problem. O.O), justiceonmyown (Mello's just a mean guy. I wish he wasn't such a jerk all the time. =/), If N When (Beyond is like, one of my absolute favorite characters. I LOVE him.), Lazy~/Anonymous (Thank you so much!), xsorandomx (As soon as I publish this I'm off to review your new chapter! And I never did get that damn link to your picture to work… =[), Matt'sGirlBLMN/Anonymous (Never apologize for a long review. Ever. They make my day. =)),**_** and**_** LocoCoco (Are you okay after falling off your chair? ;)).**_Whoa… You guys… wow. Words cannot describe my gratitude.

***To Practically Venomous – Is being practically raped the same as being raped? It's okay though, because Devon and I are tight like Mello's pants. ;) Don't forget to use protection!!! =D And do tell, how was Catholic church with Brandon and your parents? YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE HIM HOLD YOUR DAD'S HAND. xD By the way, The Grudge was a lame movie… It wasn't scary at all… I think Dev was more scared than I was…

****I don't own Death Note, for if I did… If I did… Mikami would've accidentally deleted himself. And I totally would have laughed my ass off. xD Far does not belong to me either, she belongs to MissehKeehl. I'm only badass enough to own Raven and Kumiko.

*****Also, to clear up the concern of many reviewers – Difficulty will not follow the same path as Artificial does. I already know how this series will be ending, and it will be ending relatively soon, but it will not end the way that MissehKeehl did it. Thankyouverymuch. xD

* * *

I'd been at SPK headquarters for a week when I finally decided to go see Kumiko. I wasn't allowed out by myself, but Far was more than happy to accompany me, freshly angry about something at Near. The two of them were almost as dysfunctional as Mello and I – not quite, but almost. Despite how the two fought, though, I could tell it was love.

We walked into the DeBrand's store, and almost immediately I heard Kumiko's voice, a flurry of Japanese words. She stopped short when she saw it was me, and at the look on her face I smiled sheepishly. Her eyes narrowed, and Far conveniently wandered off towards the other side of the store.

"When my shift is over, you are _so_ fucking dead."

"Kumiko!" A middle aged voice could be heard from the back of the store, yelling out in choppy English. "Language!"

Kumiko rolled her eyes, and then glared back at me. "I'm done in fifteen minutes. If you leave before that, I will find you and then you will be _twice _dead. In fact, if it weren't for your friend Matt, you'd already be lying six feet under."

I looked at her skeptically, despite fearing for my life. Matt had been here? What? Why would he come see Kumiko?

I shuffled back over to Far, being careful to avoid the lasers that seemed to be shooting from Kumiko's eyes, all the while attempting to figure out what Matt had been doing talking to Kumiko. I nearly fell to the floor when it finally hit me. He didn't really know her all that well, he wasn't emotionally attached, and they weren't close enough for her to be in danger…

He had gone to talk to her because he thought she was _cute_. I should've known, what with the way he'd attempted to flirt with her that day in the park. I managed to stifle my laughter into an awkward cough, and Far looked to me as if she thought I was dying.

It seemed as though even being involved in such a life-threatening situation didn't affect hormones… Well, obviously, I thought, noting the predicament I was in with Mello.

Kumiko, as her shift ended, decided to grab me by the back of the collar on my shirt and practically drag me out the door. The force was slightly shocking, to be honest, and I managed to meet her furious eyes after we were outside for the better part of two minutes.

It was silent for a moment before I managed to stutter out, "I-I'm sorry…"

"You damn well should be!" Far had conveniently disappeared again, off somewhere where she wouldn't have to deal with the torture I knew I would soon be going through. "Do you know how _worried _I was about you, Raven?! Matt wouldn't even tell me where you were, just that you were safe!" Kumiko was as pissed as they came, right up there with an angry Mello.

Even as I heard the fury in her voice, I could see the tears brimming in her eyes, and the guilt started to break free in my chest. I felt awful for doing this to her – I hadn't realized how attached Kumiko had grown to me, and I to her.

"You dipshit, why would you do that to me?" And she was crying all of a sudden, arms wrapped around me and sobbing, and before I knew it I was crying too, hugging her back with all my might.

We stood like that for awhile, venting our sadness to each other until I heard Far cough and say, "Well, as much I hate to break up the two of you, holding hands on the love train, we have to get back, Rae."

"Back where?" Kumiko asked, eyes darting back and forth between Far and me. Far and I shot each other a look, and I looked sheepishly at the ground.

"We, uh…" I started, mumbling, "can't really tell you, Kumiko…"

She looked away, a hurt look finding its way back into her face. "Of course not. That would be too damn easy." I flinched at the sadness lacing with the sarcasm in her words.

"I'm sorry… I know this sucks, because it's exactly what Matt and Mello did to me… But it really is for your own good, so you don't get hurt." She shook her head at my words, mumbling a "whatever" before beginning to walk again.

"The least you owe me is a day, seeing as how, despite being my best friend, you had decided you would be cool and leave me…" I had to be careful not to let the tears begin falling – she was voicing everything that I had felt after Matt and Mello had left me. It tore me apart to see her like this, mostly because I knew it was my fault.

Did Matt and Mello feel like this when I was so wrapped up in my own sorrow?

God I'm so selfish…

"…You wanna try and teach Far our dance?" I asked quietly, not sure if that was exactly what she wanted to do for the day. She smiled weakly.

"You just want to see me make a fool of myself again, don't you?" We both laughed quietly, and she said, "Far, Rae and I have to show you something." The white-haired girl came over, closing the gap she'd put between herself and us.

"Do you like to dance?"

Far was way more coordinated than Kumiko was, and picked up the steps quickly, playing around with all the simple moves and singing as she was moving to the beat, making Kumiko and I sufficiently jealous. By the end of the day, we'd resolved that even though Kumiko couldn't know what was going on, we weren't going to just leave her out of our lives. I couldn't, in good conscience. Kumiko wasn't happy with being kept in the dark, but she accepted that she would have to take what she could get. When the day was done, she went back to the Aizawa household, and Far and I retreated back to SPK headquarters, much to both our dismay, although for very different reasons.

"Near." Far's voice was cold, but I could tell it was just masking the hurt she was feeling over the fact that Near was a very, very dense child genius. I shuffled off to the room I shared with Far, not wanting to interrupt them. I laid down on my bed, and started listening to my iPod, drifting off into dream-filled sleep, Kumiko, Matt, Far, Derek, and Mello all flitting through my head.

When I awoke, it was nearly one in the morning, and my stomach was screaming for some kind of food. I'd taken to eating more, as of late, which was doing wonders for my figure - note the sarcasm. I pulled myself out of bed, and looked to Far's side of the room instinctively. My curiosity arose when I saw that she wasn't there. When I exited the room however, all questions were answered.

Because Near and Far had fallen asleep together, on the floor beside one of Near's various games. A smile surged to my face, and I grinned like an idiot, happy that Far's efforts weren't all in vain. The emotion fell, however, when I realized that Mello and I were never going to have that. The thought brought tears to my eyes which silently began to fall as I made my way into the kitchen, digging around to find only one thing that sounded remotely tasty...

A Hershey bar.

I took a piece between my teeth as I crawled back into bed, and my tears began to fall and melt the rest of the chocolate, and even though I knew it was selfish and that it wasn't wholly his fault, there was only one thing that I could bring myself to wonder –

_Mello… how could you do this to me?_

And despite how utterly angry I was at him, I knew that I would wait as long as need be for me to see him again.

* * *

When Far awoke the next day and found herself entangled with Near, a goofy grin spread its way across her face before she got up to make sure Raven was okay. She gasped as she noticed the absence of her new friend, despite the bed being neatly made. Under any other circumstance she would have assumed that the girl had just gone outside for a bit, but the note left on the pillow made her assume otherwise.

_I win this time, Near._

_-Mello_

Far threw down the piece of paper before running back out to wake up Near. She wasn't sure what the consequences of this were, but obviously Raven meant much more to Mello than either she or Near had anticipated.

* * *

"_**Just know I'm here, whenever you need me I'll wait for you…" – "Come Back to Me", David Cook**_


	25. Crash

***TWENTY-FIVE! TWENTY-FIVE, BITCHES! I'M SO **_**PROUD OF MYSELF!**_** This is like, a quarter of the way to one hundred! *gasp* It really saddens me that this story is drawing to a close, although I know for a fact that it really must happen…**

****My reviewers are absolutely, positively lovely, and I have the utmost gratitude to all of them. Thanks to – **_**Bloodypleasures (Believe me, I glomp Mello ALL THE TIME. ;)), L-Lawliet26 (It's not all that fun being a good person… I've tried it…), simsbabii (Mello kidnapped every female in that show except Misa, I swear…), Josephine Falnor (Don't worry, Kumiko sticks around. ^^), TheContheDistance (Your review was amazing. I saw the words 'I love you' and I was like, 'SCORE!'. I really wish Mikami would've deleted himself into oblivion. It sorta would've made my day. Aizawa and Kumiko are gonna end up fighting, due to her affection for Matt, which could be fun.), SystemofaDownNearKun (Mello pisses me off in this chapter…), MissehKeehl (NEVER apologize for the longevity of a review. I LOVE long reviews. And of course there was NearXFar fluff, I love NearXFar. ^^), Amaya-Ai (Uh-oh, this chapter isn't very light-hearted…), PersonofDeath02 (Mello shows up right quick. ^^), VampyViolet (It's not so much of a 'yay' as an 'oh, epic fail'…), icanreadyourmind (Mello's a colossal jerkface in this chapter… I got so mad at him…), xXRebeccaxRiverXx (Sorta both… She was sleeping when they took her, so, yeah… ;)), iluvbleach10 (Not quite the end, although I'm nearing it!), Sapphire-Nightshade (I love writing cliffhangers, although I HATE reading them…), x-Xara-x (Haha why thank you!), gothicsantaclawz (Really? I thought Mello was sorta getting out of character… T.T), Maybesunny/anonymous (That's part of the reason we loveee him. It adds to the total bad boy-a-licious yummy-ness. ;)), DancingPurplePanda (Oh… Oh those pants… *drools*), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I wanted Mello to *sort of* win out over Near, at least once…), **_**and **_**oXo sUpErSpIcYsUgAr oXo (Good! You're still breathing! ^^ Breathing is generally (and only generally) a good thing!). **_**Holy bajeezus. You guys have been wicked awesome.**

*****To Practically Venomous – I don't know why I bothered responding to you when I literally JUST got off the phone with you… Huh… Guess I don't really have anything to say. =/**

******This chapter is lemon-scented, even though I don't write actual lemons. I lack the maturity to do such things, although I've been known to read them on occasion. There will not be a lemon in this story, as I mentioned just a few lines up. Also, I think Mello's out of character this chapter. Please, tell me if it's horribly bad… I'm sorry. =[ This isn't the greatest chapter – in fact, I don't really like it.I think it sucks. Again, I apologize. =/**

*******I don't own Death Note, for if I did… then… oh shit, my mom's up. Gotta go, night guys.**

* * *

When I woke up, I was fairly certain that I was dreaming. After all, no one in the SPK smoked, and I definitely smelled cigarettes. Once I had figured that much out, I started thinking that I had to be dreaming about Matt, which wasn't out of the ordinary.

If I was dreaming, I would've woken up as soon as Mello threw a pen at my face and it made contact with my forehead. I fell back onto the bed with shock at the fact that I was actually awake and that that was _actually_ Mello. I had to fight off a sigh of relief at the fact that he was okay, not that I had a chance to before he'd pinned me to the bed. His hands were on my wrists, making it impossible for me to move more than an inch at any given time. We were both silent for awhile as I cowered under him, scared that I was in for a world of hurt that was impossible to be prepared for.

"You stupid, idiotic, good-for-nothing bitch…"

And while Mello had never been one to disguise what he was feeling, I definitely didn't expect him to do what he did next. He craned his neck down and kissed me full-force, violent and dangerous, just like that day in that parking lot…

His arms were running up and down my body, rough hands caressing my skin. It couldn't even be considered caressing, it was like he was pulling at my skin, at my heart. He bit down on my lower lip coarsely, almost enough to draw blood, or at least that was what it felt like. Mello's hands tore at my shirt, er, Matt's shirt, whatever, and my fingers locked into his hair and our lips met again –

And then I sat up, eyes wide open and sweating as I faced the empty room. It wasn't SPK headquarters… I didn't know where I was…

But it looked as though I had been dreaming after all… The cold sweat I had broken out in due to the dream was almost embarrassing at this point, seeing as how it was, in fact, only a dream. Oh, yeah, thanks hormones…

Once the initial awkwardness due to the dream had begun to subside, my imagination kicked into overdrive, trying to figure out where I was. I didn't have to wonder long, however, before the door swung open, and I saw that trademark lazy smirk.

"Well, good morning, sleeping beauty." I inhaled sharply, and a relieved smile took over my face.

"…Matt."

"Hey there, Rae." Matt flicked a lighter as he walked into the room, revealing Mello standing behind him. A blush found it's way to my face, unwarranted due to the dream I'd just gone through.

"What am I doing here? How did you guys get me out of SPK headquarters? You guys know kidnapping isn't, well, legal, right?" The questions flew from my mouth before I could stop them, and Mello said, "You were stupid enough to get wrapped up in the case no matter how we warned you, and we took you so I could show Near that I could steal something right out from under his nose."

I hung my head. Of course it came down to Near. I guess I couldn't really expect he who was so driven to stop and notice what he was doing to me. Immediately, my happiness at being with Matt and Mello started to fade, especially as I realized that Far had to be freaking out when she woke up to find me gone. There was definitely no way that Mello was going to let me be in the same vicinity as someone who was so closely tied with Near.

The reuniting of the three of us wasn't as joyful as I had imagined it to be… Mello was even more sour than usual, and even though Matt was acting as normal, it wasn't the same with Mello giving me what seemed to be the silent treatment. Nearly two hours this awkward state ran rampant, until finally Matt said, "Yeah… I'm going to get food…"

It looked as though even the uncaring gamer couldn't withstand the tension that was rippling through the air. I flinched as he slammed the door shut, fearing the consequences of Matt's absence. When Mello finally spoke, his voice was monotone.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" It was something in the way he said it... His voice drove me mad, ripping at the shreds of my soul. I exploded.

"What is wrong with _me, _Mello? What is wrong with _me_?!' I was shaking with rage, so angry that he was just sitting there, staring at me, arms crossed his chest and gaze unwavering. "What's wrong with me is that my best friends in the world have this thing for leaving me! That they tend to take part in situations involving _Kira_ and _L_, who are partaking in the greatest game of cat and mouse in the world!" My anger was spilling over, and I was screaming at full volume. "And they don't seem to understand that if they die, _I won't have anything left to live for!_" I was emotionally climaxed, and my babble continued. By the time I stopped I was drained like I hadn't slept or eaten in weeks.

He let loose the second I stopped. "Do you realize what you're saying?! Like Matt and I don't care, Rae! Do you really want to be wrapped up in the realm of lies, deceit and mistrust we're stuck in? No, you don't stop to _think_ about _anything, _you go and scrap all the work Matt and I've gone through to keep you out of this! You're so goddamn _selfish_, Raven!" He'd gotten closer every few moments, until he was nearly as close as he had been in the dream, and even in my fear of him he was utterly stunning.

"I… If what you say is true… Then I'm already in way too deep… And I don't think I care…"

"You stupid, stupid girl… You have no idea what you're asking for, do you?" He was breathing heavily, anger taking away his energy.

Cold blue engulfed my eyes, pulling me in.

"I. Don't. Care." My words were choppy, intimidation radiating from Mello's core… And I wanted him so badly. I bit my lower lip, breaking eye contact…

And as soon as I did his lips were roughly on mine, and the blush came back quickly as thoughts of my dream flooded back into my mind, especially as the kiss followed vaguely the same lines without going quite as far as my subconscious had. We were angry, we were young – and I couldn't exactly, certainly say the same for him, but I knew that I was in love.

"You can't," he stated, as the kissing came to an end, "stay here."

I pulled away from him. "What. The fuck?" He rolled his eyes, annoyed – obviously he knew how to make the mood die in a heartbeat. He just kissed me like the world was crashing around us, and then he says something only a total asshole would say.

Oh, right. It's Mello. He _is _a total asshole, I forgot.

I opened my mouth to reply, poking a finger into his chest, and Matt burst through the door, saying, "I found Japanese Pringles for the kidnappee and the kidnappers!" I slapped Mello square on the right cheek, praying it would leave a red mark in the shape of a handprint. I shook my head once, passed Matt, and said, "I'm going out."

"Where the hell do you think you're going? You can't just waltz in and out of here whenever you please! This isn't like your father's house, Rae, you can't pull whatever shit you want!" I heard Mello yell as I swung open the door. I turned back with fire raging in my eyes. There was no way in hell that he just said that. Matt's eyes bounced from me to Mello and back again, totally confused as to what had happened while he was out.

"A house isn't a home, Mello." My eyes stopped at his, and we connected, anger still resonating in my voice along with the hurt that broke through. "My home is with the two of you."

I slammed the door shut, refusing to look at Matt's face when I exited, but saying, "Thanks for the Pringles," before stealing them from his hands and going out towards the street.

* * *

It was the next day when Far approached Kumiko at the DeBrand's store. The look of worry hadn't left her face since she'd discovered Raven's disappearance, despite the fact that Near wasn't concerned whatsoever. She stumbled into the store worriedly, flashing a look to Kumiko, and her mouth opened quickly to ask if Kumiko knew where Raven was…

And Raven walked in the door, crying, eyes red with hours of sobbing behind them, and clothes dirty and soaking wet from having been out all the last night in the pouring rain.

* * *

**_"Love, such as it ends, breaking the hearts that wouldn't bend..." - "Sush As It Ends", Ludo_**


	26. Fight

***OH MY GOD I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY. I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A BAJILLION AND A HALF YEARS AND I'M SORRY!!! T_T I've probably lost all my readers, and I don't blame them for it either, I'm so so so sorry! …Does it make up for it at all that this is a long chapter?**

****To the reviewers who I hope are still with me – Thanks to – _PersonofDeath02 (Thanks so much for being such a loyal reviewer. I owe you immensely for it.), toongeek14 (I'm glad Mello wasn't too out of character, I always worry about that when I write fanfiction…), Amaya-Ai (I hate reading fanfiction that lacks good grammar and punctuation… On another note, thanks for the review. ^^), Josephine Falnor (Don't we all wish for dreams of Mello? I know I do! =)), x-Xara-x (If he was anyone else's, I don't know WHAT I'd do! .), DancingPurplePanda (There'll be some closure between the two of them, but I don't know as though you're going to like the ending much…), VampyViolet (Do they even have Japanese Pringles? I have no idea…), Bloodypleasures (I dream of the day I have Mello dreams the way Raven does… *drools*), simsbabii (Ah, yes, I forgot about Wedy, I doubt he would've gotten her though… She's too technical. Maybe. We'll never know. XD), Aiko the Hunter (I've urgently been awaiting the MelloXRae Confession of Love Scene as well, but due to Mello's character, I don't know if it'll ever happen. T_T), SystemofaDownNearKun (Matt's amazingly awkward in all my stories. I don't really know why.), xsorandomx (You need to update soon too! REALLY soon! I eagerly await it!), MissehKeehl (Ohmigawd you updated Artificial! I need to go read it! =D), TheContheDistance (I was worried he was a little out of character. I didn't think it was too bad, but I was still definitely beating myself up over it…), becca670 (Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews!), icanreadyourmind (LMFAO I love how you substituted L for God. It made my day. XD), justiceonmyown (Even though the update took forever, I would very much like to not die. ^^'), gothicsantaclawz (I'm a sort of emo writer… It's the only way I get emotion out…), Anonymos1996 (Thanks for the fave!!), _and _PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I know, right? I wanna punch Mello in the face…). _You guys are ridiculously fantastic, and I hope you're still here after it took me so long to update.**

*****To my dearest Aoife/Wraithlike – as my favorite Irishwoman, you get your own bullet that's full of love. Also, you should really update your fic soon. ^^ And everyone reading this should go read her fic. Really. It's made of epic win.**

******To Practically Venomous – I wanted to do something with you this weekend, but you're too busy with your boyfriend. Whore. ;) Just kidding, you know I love you and your boyfriend both. ^^**

*******I don't own Death Note, because if I did then the entire second half of the series would be called Mello and the Chocolate Factory. And also, Far belongs to MissehKeehl and she plays the lead in… *dramatic pause* ARTIFICIAL!**

* * *

Far's eyes brightened at the sight of me walking through the door, and dimmed again as she saw my form, dripping wet in front of her and Kumiko. My eyes shifted to the floor, ashamed to even look at them with the condition I was in. Kumiko practically flew over the counter and grabbed me in a hug, nearly taking me to the floor.

"Are you okay?! What happened?! Matt was here like an hour ago and he said that you and Mello were making up!" At the sound of Mello's name I bit back another sob, and then stopped. Matt had been there an hour before? The liar, he said he'd been going to get Pringles… I guess I couldn't blame him though. He needed someone too.

Now why the hell couldn't Mello see that about him and I?

"Rae… What happened?" Far's voice was quiet, and I could sense the concern in it. Just as I was about to answer her question, someone walked in the door and Kumiko had to hustle back behind the counter. While Kumiko dealt with this customer, Far pulled me into one of the booths, sitting me down across from herself. She leaned in, and said, "Spill."

The look in her eyes was too much to handle, and I laid the entire thing on her, all of it, and she was silent the entire way through, nodding every now and then so I knew that she was really listening. At the end of it, she sat back and sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Seems as though neither of our love interests is fluent in the way of people skills." It was then that I noticed how Far's eyes were rimmed with dark from lack of sleep. I bit my lip and clenched my fists on top of the table. I felt better, if only because she'd listened to all the random bullshit I'd been holding in. The customer exited, Kumiko wandered over to us, and then the door opened again.

"Kumiko!" Mr. Aizawa's voice boomed through the store, and Kumiko stood straight up.

"Hai, oto-chan?" she said, fear evident in all her features, simply from the shock of having her name screamed out that way. At the sight of me, Mr. Aizawa said, "Raven, what are you doing here?"

"L-long story, sir…" Far was being oddly quiet, fixing Mr. Aizawa with a strange stare. He shook his head, and then turned back to Kumiko, flashing a picture in her face.

"Who's this?" Oh, a certain redhead with my favorite DeBrand's employee.

"Him? His name's Matt, why?" She was genuinely confused, completely lost as to what she'd done to so enrage her father.

"This is Raven's friend, correct?" Kumiko nodded, looking scared shitless, and Mr. Aizawa turned to me, looking for confirmation which I gladly gave.

"What was your other friend's name, Raven?" I said it as a reflex – it didn't click in my head that he was in the police force, that Mello and Matt were definitely involved in things that the police wouldn't approve of.

"M-Mello, sir…" Immediately he was within an inch of Kumiko's face, saying, "I never want you speaking to him again. Ever. And you," he turned to me, "are coming with me. Now." He grabbed my wrist, and started to pull me out of the booth by force, but Far spoke before he moved me too much.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you can't do that." The pale girl was quiet, and there couldn't be any way that she was going to get me out of this situation. Hell, I didn't even know what my situation _was._

"Why not?" Aizawa's voice was deep, his grip never loosening on my wrist.

"Because I doubt that Near would like it if you kidnapped someone under SPK protection, seeing as how you're our greatest ally in the Kira Task Force." I met Kumiko's eyes, and I'm sure they reflected mine – total confusion. "I'm Far. And Raven is with me. What you do with Kumiko I have no control over. She is your daughter, after all. Raven, however, is another story."

Aizawa looked from me to Kumiko, and I cowered visibly under his gaze. "We'll talk after your shift."

Kumiko's eyes narrowed, and I heard her mutter one word. "No."

Aizawa recoiled, barely visible. "I'm eighteen. You can't tell me what to do anymore."

"You live in my house and you follow my rules."

"Then I don't _live _in your house. Matt's never done anything to me, and you just practically _assaulted _my best friend!"

Aizawa turned his back to us, and as he left, said, "We'll talk later."

As the door shut, Kumiko said, "No. We won't."

"…You do realize that you just practically alienated your father because of a guy, right?" Far asked skeptically a while later. Kumiko's face fell, brilliant defiance leaving her face and hurt replacing it.

"That's not why I did it…" Far and I both looked at her, my confusion rating up there at around nine and three-quarters on a scale of one to ten.

"It was because he's been hiding things from me. From my mom, and from me. And we don't deserve it, all these secrets he's keeping. I'd thought he was having an affair, but I guess if he's involved with something called the Kira Task Force, I'd much rather have him be involved with another woman…" She was crying. I'd never seen Kumiko cry before, and it was rather discomforting. Far sighed.

"Well… Near's going to kill me for this but… Let's go…"

"But my shift isn't over yet." Far's eyes flashed to the clock.

"Unless mine eyes deceive me, that reads five 'o clock." More time had passed than we had been aware of apparently.

We filed out of the chocolate store, single file. It looked as though by kicking me out, Mello had only gotten me more involved. This 'Kira Task Force' sounded pretty menacing, from what I could tell. We arrived outside SPK headquarters, and Far looked around skeptically before grabbing both of us and pulling us behind the building. I let loose a small scream of shock, and Kumiko just gasped once before she shushed us.

"Alright now," she said, looking around again, "Near's a sneaky little bastard, so we're going to have to be super careful, and regardless of how we do this he's still going to find out eventually. We just have to prolong his not-knowing-ness for as long a period as possible."

Kumiko and I looked at each other again, still confused out of our definitely not genius level minds.

"Far," Kumiko hissed through her teeth, "What are we _doing_?!"

Far cocked her head to the side, eyes wide. "What do you mean what are we doing?" she whispered. "We're sneaking you in, of course."

Kumiko nearly fell over backwards.

Far and I made it into the SPK headquarters no problem, due to the fact that Far had a security code to bypass all security. Kumiko, however, lacks any amount of natural grace, and just getting her up through the window was difficult. She fell through and a big **thud** resounded through the empty hallway, which afterward Far and I quickly shushed her.

"…Far?" A voice was heard down the hallway, and I heard Far say, "Gevanni, I really think we should keep this between you and me," before she shuffled us quickly down the hallway to her room. Far sighed as she shut the door, and Raven smiled sheepishly.

"Due to your lack of coordination, Near will be aware of your and Rae's presence far sooner than I had hoped, but he was going to figure it out eventually, so I don't think it really matters."

We were all quiet, and then I heard Kumiko, gently sobbing, over what I assumed was her fight with her father. I looked around the room slowly, eyes lighting upon Carter. Mello hadn't grabbed him when he'd taken me, and I'd been missing the little guy. I picked him up in my arms, hugging him tightly before looking at Kumiko who was still crying quietly. Far was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, just staring off into space.

I looked from Carter to Kumiko before holding him out towards her with both hands. She looked at me skeptically, as if she thought I was making fun of her. I gestured for her to take him, and said, "Really. Take Carter. He always makes me feel better." She took the stuffed animal from me, and curled up on Far's bed, falling asleep. After she did so, I stared at her for a moment before Far broke my concentration.

"I feel like I'm running a new generation Wammy House, except for those who are less-than-gifted." Far winked, cementing the fact that she was kidding, but I really wasn't in the mood to joke around.

"Far…" She stopped at the serious tone in my voice. "What's Mello's real name?" It had been bothering me for awhile, the fact that I barely knew anything about him.

"Rae…" Far started somberly, pausing for a moment, "I grew up at the same place as Matt, Mello, and Near. Wammy's House, an orphanage for 'gifted' children, a place where the next L was to be raised. They were the top three – Near first, Mello second, and Matt third."

That explained why Mello had to "beat Near" all the time… And no wonder he always made me feel like an idiot…

"You haven't answered my question, Far."

"When a child comes to Wammy's, they're given an alias. I don't know his name, I've only ever known him as Mello. It's entirely possible that Mello himself doesn't remember his own name, although with his intelligence it isn't likely." I looked to the floor, bangs falling into my face. "He's just trying to help you, though, in his own special, jackass type of way."

"What if I don't _want_ help?" The words came out more sharp than I'd intended, but they were out there, and they'd needed to be said.

"Look at it from his point of view, Rae. Mello's a jerk, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a heart. In fact, he feels things too much. He doesn't want you getting hurt on his watch. Or anyone's watch, for that matter…"

I looked to the floor. "Yeah, I guess I can see that…" I said ashamedly, "But couldn't he at least give me some answers?"

"In theory, yes." Far smiled sadly, "but at the end of the day, he's still a young genius. And as we all know, they aren't gifted in the matters of love."

I smiled sourly. "True… In that respect, I think Kumiko's got the best shot out of all of us."

The pretty Japanese girl was still asleep, holding Carter to her chest and oblivious to the conversation Far and I had been having. She really was beautiful, and I knew for a fact that Matt wouldn't have ever done anything to hurt her.

"You know where they are," Far said, "I bet they haven't moved yet. They know you wouldn't rat them out." I nodded. "Go find them, and try to figure something out. I know Mello's not good at being rational, but you know how to compromise, don't you?"

I nodded again, but then looked back at her. "I'll find them tomorrow… I want to give him a bit so when I find him he doesn't tear me to shreds."

Far nodded understandingly before getting up and walking towards her door.

"Where are you going?"

She laughed darkly. "To explain to Near why I have two teenage runaways hiding out in his headquarters."

"Far?" She stopped. "I know that Mello isn't going to let me stay with him… So can I come back here when all is said and done?"

She smiled gently, and nodded yet again. "Fight for him, Rae. Fight until the battle's done. It won't be easy. Nothing ever is with Mello. But if you can make it through, the feelings you have will be worth it."

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"_**Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?" – "Don't You Know Who You Think I Am?", Fall Out Boy**_


	27. Final

***Chapter twenty-seven… One more, and we're all done here, guys… Wow, it's been a good run…**

****Thanks to my reviewers, whose praise I really don't deserve. Thanks to – **_**simsbabii (Fall Out Boy is the sex. Like Mello. ;)), AmazingZeldaFan09 (Aww, being grounded really sucks… I feel your pain, don't feel bad.), Josephine Falnor (Mello's not good with emotions at all, is he? It makes me want t punch him in the face. =/), TheContheDistance (…You have no idea how much the idea of Death Note chips appeal to me. I wanna throw all the Light ones down the garbage disposal. ^^), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 (I've noticed that generally, the smarter guys are, the worse they are with social things…), DancingPurplePanda (Much to my dismay, this chapter's less humorous. It's because the end is near, and the end is quite angsty.), MissehKeehl (Far's only in this chapter a little bit, but she plays a big part in the next one! …And this is all I can do for fluff, given Mello's character. Sorry. ^^;), toongeek14 (Of course you were mentioned! I love my reviewers, all of them!), SystemofaDownNearKun (I love sweet Matt. Matt's always fun to write because no one really knows how the hell he works haha.), becca670 (I love you for always reviewing. ^^), PersonofDeath02 (Because deep down, every girl knows she wants a Mello-like bad boy. ;)), LittleMissAnthrope (You jumped into it right as it's almost finished! I'm honored that you like my story so much! =)), x-Xara-x (I tried really hard to be faster this time! I'm still not as fast as I wanted to be though. =(), Amaya-Ai (……You may hate me for my ending. And for that, I apologize. =/), xsorandomx (I still haven't reviewed your story! Damn it! I'll do it tomorrow, I promise…), VampyViolet (Ahh DAMN science! ;) I totally understand, worry not.), If N When (Ahh I missed you! I wish you the best of luck with school and whatnot!), **_**and **_**rinnytintin (Thank you so much!). **_**Wow you guys. Thanks so much.**

*****Aoife's Magical Bullet of Amazing - **_**I can't help how I walk, and I've tried really hard for years to ride a bike! ;) Anywho, I have yet to read your new chapter OR respond to your message! GOD I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON! I promise to do both tomorrow, but it's almost three in the morning here…**_

_********_**Practically Venomous's Awesome Bullet of Love**_** - …I never know how to respond to your reviews, because they don't make any sense…**_

_*********_**I don't own Death Note. My mood's too sad after writing this chapter to think of anything funny. Far belongs to MissehKeehl. Read on, my loves. …Oh, and warning, I use a LOT of bad words this chapter…

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**

I blew out slowly, letting the wind out of my mouth, pushing my bangs up. I had thought the whole night, finally falling asleep in the early morning to the sound of Far singing… I was almost sure she'd picked the song for its irony, or maybe it was just a coincidence.

"I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me…"

I wasn't sure if I should feel heartbroken or proud of the way that I'd tagged after Mello like a helpless, lost, and blood-soaked puppy. This time though, I was done following. I wanted answers… And after that, I would do what Mello wanted me to do… So I guess, in the end, I was still doing what he wanted. I was being less dependent by following, if one really wanted to go that far into semantics. Either way, I was going to get my answers and I was going to leave, just like he wanted.

No matter how much it broke my heart.

So I would swallow my pride, what little I had, and knock on that door, and prepare myself to accept the ultimate loss. As everyone knew, I was not a good loser.

And I rapped on the door, four times, and Matt swung the door open. At the sight of me, his eyes lit up and his lips pulled to his ears, and he grasped me in a hug. When I didn't hug back, his grip loosened, and he pulled back with a blank look on his face.

He smiled weakly, and said, "Well, I've got Kumiko, I guess, so… Mello's there." Matt nodded his head toward a door, and opened up to step out of my way. I smiled at him – he really was my best friend, in a different way than Kumiko, or Far… Different even from Derek. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him one more time.

"This…" I was choking through the tears that were almost falling, "This might be the last time I ever see you, Matt…" His arms tightened around my waist, and I heard him inhale sharply.

"I'll… miss you then, Rae… I'll miss you a hell of a lot more than you know." I gasped on a sob, and shook my head into his chest.

"No… I definitely know, Matt… I definitely know…" His hands on me loosened again and he pulled back, hands resting on my shoulders.

"Go." Matt sighed, and gestured towards the room that Mello was in before smiling gently. "I'll… I'll go see Kumiko or something, tell her to stay away from us too, no matter how much I don't want her gone either."

Matt sauntered out of the place, with that swagger that I was so fond of. I looked on fondly as he left before turning to the room that held Mello. One deep breath, and I knocked on the door.

"What do you want, Matt? Why the hell are you knocking, just come in." Mello's annoyed voice floated through the solid door, and I pushed the door open to reveal a rather shocked Mello.

"Raven?" His flustered-ness started to turn to anger, but I really wasn't going to let him be mad at me when I had so much that needed to be said, and I tackled him to the couch in the room with a kiss. His body was stiff, and I pulled away, exhilarated.

"What the fuck –" The anger in his voice really should've paralyzed me on the spot, but I had come there with a goal in mind, and I wasn't going to leave without accomplishing it.

"I know, I know, you never wanted me to come back ever again in your entire life, but hear me out, please." My eyes must've pleaded desperately with his, connecting with his steely blues.

"Just…" I groped for the words, trying to find a way to make it appealing to him. "Give me honest answers, and I'll leave, and be gone forever."

"…Goddamnit you're a stubborn bitch, Raven…" Mello crossed his arms, and shoved me off of him and I went flailing to the floor. It would've been comical, had the situation been less serious, but given the circumstances I definitely was not laughing. I sat myself up on the floor and looked defiantly in Mello's direction.

"Four questions." I held up four fingers.

"Two."

"_Three_." My eyes narrowed, and he rolled his eyes and leaned forward, hands on his knees and sending a wicked glare my way.

"You're at _my _mercy, _I _make the rules, and _I _say _two_." I stared at him – no way in hell was I going to back down altogether, but if I wanted what I came for, I was going to have to compromise, it seemed.

"Fine, bastard," I snarled. I thought I saw a light of something in his expression at my tone, but I couldn't be sure. All I knew was that I was _pissed_. He'd left me so many times, been so difficult to make sense of. "What the fuck are you really doing out here?"

"Trying to beat Near."

"That isn't the fucking answer I _want, _Mello!" I stood up quickly and kicked the door wildly, sending it reeling on its hinges. Mello stood up off the couch, directing a hate-filled yell at me.

"You kicked the fucking _door, _Raven!"

"Yes, Mello, I'm aware of the fact that I kicked the door! Now tell me what the fuck is going on! You, Far, Matt – _none _of you will tell me _anything, _and it's really pissing my shit off!"

"We're here to fucking get rid of Kira, damn it! The more you know, the more likely you are to die, which is why when I saw you with Light fucking Yagami I about flipped my fucking lid, because he _is _Kira!"

I froze up.

"L-Light… was Kira?"

"Light fucking _is_ Kira! Which is why Matt and I are here, damn it, we have to _beat _Near to get him!"

I'd followed him up until that point.

"But… But why?" My anger had mostly melted away, because I'd finally gotten a decent answer, albeit a very angry one.

Mello was silent for a minute, looking towards the ground. For a minute I wasn't sure what he was doing, but then I saw his fists clench and I braced myself for the explosion.

"Because Near _always _wins!" Mello's face was red with fury, and any of my prior confidence that I had had left evaporated. "Always at Wammy's, always at everything! He even managed to get _you _taken away from me, and how is that _fair_?!"

I decided it would not be in my best interests to point out that at that point in time I hadn't really been in Mello's possession. In his rage, I think he failed to notice that I'd already asked two questions instead of one.

Nonetheless, I felt myself being shoved out the door, Mello's hands cold but his touch electrifying my nervous system. My tongue was limp, words floating around in my mouth unable to be spoken.

Finally I found the fight in me again, just enough to turn around and look at him. There was fire in his eyes – he hated Near in a way I'd never hated anyone in my life, not even Vendetta.

We'd both stopped moving, standing in the doorway, the one that after I left it I would never see him again. The tears welled up again as I stared at him, and I placed one of my hands on the side of his face, the side with the scar, and I leaned up and kissed him softly, one time, the kind where he knew I meant it.

It was tender – our lips met, but for once, I was the one controlling it, and I wanted him to feel… to feel what? How did I want him to feel?

I wanted him to know that I really loved him. That I didn't want to leave, and if he told me to, I'd stay in a heartbeat.

I pried his lips apart with my tongue, and for once there wasn't a snarky response to what I was doing, and just as it was starting, just as I was feeling comfortable there with him –

He broke it.

And in breaking it, he broke me, because I knew that was the last time I would kiss him, touch him, feel his skin.

He stood there, and I stared back at him, into his eyes, willing myself not to cry.

"What the hell are you waiting for?" The words, coming from him, should've been said with fire, an anger that pierced me to the core. They instead came with such a melancholy aura carried with them that it was all I could do not to break down and have an emotional breakdown at his feet.

"I… I still have a question…" There I went, being all timid again. "Just… Just one more… Then I'll be gone for good, I promise, I'll never bother you again."

We stood there in silence again for a moment, before I asked, "What… What's your real name?"

He was quiet, and then he laughed darkly, like he couldn't believe I'd asked that question of all questions that could've wormed their way from my lips. My eyes bored into his, hungrily awaiting the answer. At the very least, if I knew his real name, I had that one thing to cling to. That would give me some sort of comfort… Not much, but a bit.

"Mihael," he stated, "Mihael Keehl."

I nodded once, and then turned away so he couldn't see the tears that were starting to fall. A few steps further, I turned back once more to find him still standing there, staring after me.

"I think… No, I _know_," I said it with force the second time, "I… I love you."

Mello stood there and stared at me for another minute before chuckling once, quietly, shaking his head.

"Stupid girl."

I bit my lip, turned away, and slowly started walking back towards the SPK headquarters, away from Mello, Matt, and all I'd ever loved – forever.

Fuck love. Who needs it?

* * *

"_**At the end of the world, oh the last thing I see, you are never coming home, never coming home…" – "The Ghost of You", My Chemical Romance**_


	28. Goodbye

***Wow. We're done. This is it, it's the very end. Twenty-eight chapters, and we went through it all. I want to thank everyone for their support in this project, it really helped me a hell of a lot. I'm praying that this chapter doesn't disappoint. There's no playlist for this chapter, because I feel that music would take away from the effect of it all.**

****My reviewers – tonight, due to the fact that I'm truly, honestly sad at the way I ended this, I'm not going to actually be responding to all of your reviews. I'm really sorry, but I'm emotionally drained at the fact that this story which I slaved over is gone. If there were questions in your reviews, I'll still be answering them. Thanks to – PiScEs-BlOsSoM69, simsbabii, Amaya-Ai, icanreadyourmind, VampyViolet, AmazingZeldaFan09, DancingPurplePanda, MissehKeehl, TheContheDistance, xsorandomx, Sapphire-Nightshade, PersonofDeath02, oXo sUpErSpIcYsUgAr oXo, x-Xara-x, toongeek14, If N When, Josephine Falnor, Kimi of the Crowd, and Lita Takanashi. You guys have really made this fanfic something for me, and you've been great to me the entire way through. Thank you, I can't say it enough.**

*****Aoife – Although normally I would be lighthearted in my response to your review, I simply can't find it in me tonight. Forgive me.**

******Melissa – See Aoife.**

*******We're at the end of the journey here. Thank you all. And as final disclaimer, I don't own Death Note. At the end, also, Azrael, translates from Hebrew to death, just so people don't think I picked a totally random name.**

********Finally, if you are interested in reading future works of mine, please see my profile and vote on my poll. It will decide what I write next, if you're interested at all. So, without further delay, please enjoy the last chapter of Difficulty. I hope to see you all in the future.  


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**

"_I knew it was suspicious when we ceased communications. You have to do it Misa. For us."_

"_B-but… But Light, I don't want to! Do I really have to? Isn't there another way?"_

"_Come on, Misa, it's for the good of you, for me, for the world. It has to be done. There's no other choice."

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_

It all happened so fast.

I don't know when it started exactly, but once it did, there was no stopping it. Love made me want to exalt, reach for the heavens in one moment, then break down and beat his face in the next, and finally just go to a corner and cry for hours and hours on end.

I was at the 'cry in a corner' stage when I made it back to the SPK, but I managed to keep my eyes dry until I found myself back in Far's room. And then, as soon as I entered the room, my resolve broke, and I fell to pieces on Far, whose eyes took in my mess of a self gently. The generally hard-eyed girl's tough gaze softened as I collapsed on her bed, on top of her practically.

She stroked my head slowly, something that was sort of odd for her to do. I'd always seen Far as more of a hardass, more of a Mello than a Matt – but at that point, I wasn't really in the mood to analyze her actions.

"I don't think anything I could say would make you feel any better… Do you want me to do anything, Rae?"

I sobbed once, voice quaking, and said, "Far… Could you… Sing me a song?"

Far smiled softly, before the switching the lyrics of a song just the tiniest bit to tug on my heartstrings. "This love has taken its toll on me, he said goodbye too many times before…"

I bawled myself to sleep. It wasn't as if that was anything new for me anyway.

The next day was, I believe, the very worst day of my life.

"Rae…?" Far's voice floated into my head, somber and emotionless. I stretched slowly in the bed before mumbling, "Five more minutes, Far…"

"No, Rae," her voice hinted at worry, fear even, "You… you need to see this…" I sat up, taking my time, emotionally drained from the day before.

"What is it?" I yawned. Far shook her head, refusing to look me in the eyes and exiting the room. I raised an eyebrow and followed, the empty feeling in my stomach alerting me to the fact that the day before I had lost two of the only ones I cared about. I shot a look out the window – what time was it? I'd slept a long time…

Far's walk led me to the main room, one where Near was toying around with a few plastic robots while staring intently at the monitor. The rest of those at SPK headquarters were spread around the room, all tuned into the screen, hardly noticing my arrival.

"_Police are pursuing Ms. Takada's assaulter. We believe there to be one male in the car of average build, he should be considered armed and dangerous. Anyone with any information on this should call –"_

Far gave me a loaded look, one of pity and apology.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Raven." I looked at her skeptically, still not comprehending what the situation was.

"Far… I don't understand. What's this have to do with –" And then the police sketch flashed up on the screen.

Red hair. Goggles. Striped shirt. Vest.

"W-what… Why would they…?" Chills ran through my body and I took a step back, crushing a Lego structure that I was sure Near had put together.

"I realize your state of shock is most likely overwhelming," Near stated, that monotone of his grinding against my ears, "But I would appreciate it if in your grief you did not destroy my belongings."

Again the tears welled to my eyes, just like the night before as I saw the red car surrounded by police cruisers. I saw him get out of the car, hands up to prove he had no weapons, lazy grin in place.

"No…" I whispered. "W-where's Mello? Mello will take care of him, he has to, _Matt can't die!_" I screamed the last part. Far shook her head again, grabbing me from behind, holding me the way I'd always wanted a sister to. That was the last thing on my mind though as the reporter said, "Those who go against Kira must be punished. This one will be made an example."

Fire blazed in my eyes at the words, and I forgot myself, where I was, running up closer to the monitor and screaming. "No! Everyone's died on me, Matt, I can't have you gone too! Derek, Father! I can't have you just up and leave me too! I need you, and even if I didn't, _Mello _does, no matter how much the jackass doesn't want to admit it! I don't care if I never see you again, if you die it'll be more than I can handle!" I collapsed to the floor, a sad puddle of a girl on the floor. When I finally looked up again, the world was a blurry mess, and I could barely make out Kumiko's form, sobbing silently. I glanced at the monitor just in time to see Matt fall to the ground, seconds after a hail of bullets came his way. Kumiko screamed out once, silent no more, crying loudly at last.

Dead. He was dead. And that was it.

Far was shaking her head, staring at the ground. Kumiko was a complete mess, shaking with grief.

I was completely immobile on the floor.

Kumiko stood up in the silent room, and with tears still streaming down her face she said, "I need… to go home."

And she left. Walked out the door. Didn't say goodbye, didn't get her things.

And with her absence, my friend count was down to one.

It would've been so easy, _so _easy, to lock myself in Far's room, but I didn't. Not for a little while, at least. I gave up soon enough, listening to Near heartlessly analyze the situation, and barricaded myself in Far's room, shoving my face into a pillow and gripping Carter for dear life.

I didn't wake up for a long time, and in my dreams I had the nerve to hope that I was dead, or lost forever in a coma.

"Raven?" I heard Far's voice break up my slumber again, ruining my hopes that I'd been dead or unconscious. I sat up slowly, tears still wet on my cheeks from the awful and fitful sleep I'd been in. I didn't even know people could cry in their sleep.

Evidently, they can. And Far, despite being the only friend I had left, fixed me with such a look of pity that I just wanted to reach up and slap her.

I wasn't a child anymore. I didn't deserve that… that _pity_.

But I didn't hit her, and she said slowly, "I'm so sorry… But… I think you'll want to see this too, especially if it's what I think it is…"

I dragged myself up again, sluggish in my grief, having to stop at the edge of the bed to stop sobbing uncontrollably. And then, it hit me, the one realization that I never wanted to have –

If Matt was dead, then where was Mello?

And it all clicked in my head – the sympathy on Far's face, her words – it couldn't be, if it was , it would kill me.

"No." I managed to stumble over that one word before dashing to the room with the monitor, to discover that my very worst fear was in fact true.

"_The truck also held an unidentified person, one who investigators assume is the kidnapper. If anyone has any information on this situation, please contact –"_

And at those words, I let out a shriek the likes of which I didn't know my body contained. Agony, utter agony engulfed my entire body, piercing my soul and reaching out through my bloodstream as a close-up of the absolutely mangled body was shown.

A rosary lay only a few feet from the body, the only thing recognizable from the wreckage.

And a charred finger, barely touching it, just the cross itself.

It was his. I knew it was. It had to be, no one else would've been involved in something like the kidnap of Kiyomi Takada and have a rosary.

"_Unfortunately, since we are unable to identify the body, we cannot give definitive evidence of this being the kidnapper."_

"Unable, my ass!" I was hysterical, screaming, crying, shaking like a leaf. "That's Mello's rosary! He's _dead_! _Everything's been taken from me, I don't have anything left!_"

Far, Near, and the rest of those in the room were silent as I fell to the ground, the same place where I had been when I had heard of Matt's death. At least, all was quiet until Near began speaking again.

"Mello and Matt weren't clever enough to defeat Kira alone." My eyes burned with rage. How _dare_ he? "However, their deaths have most definitely aided our investigation."

"Is that all you can think of?!" I whipped around, standing up and facing the boy. "My best friends are _dead _because of this stupid case and all you can say is that _they _aided _your _investigation?! Where do you get the nerve to –"

"Raven, _Raven!"_ Far grabbed me from behind, restraining me from going after Near, which I'd been in the process of doing before she'd stopped me. "I know you're mad, but you have to _think _about this, they knew what they were getting into before they went on this mission!"

I pulled away from Far, ripping myself from her grasp and facing her. "They're _dead_, Far! _Dead!_ Why is it that all you goddamn people can think of is this stupid investigation?!"

The room was quiet again, but Near said, "Far, I think Raven should be kept to your room in solitary confinement until her emotional discourse has subsided."

"_No! _I'm not _done _with you, damn it!" Far roped me into her, pulling me back towards her room, managing somehow to throw me into it despite me flailing a ridiculous amount. When I was finally secure in there, she locked the door and said through it, "I know… I know that this hurts you."

I sank against the door, head in my knees, crying softly.

"But… They did it so the world would be better. For all of us. And especially you." She walked away without giving me the time to respond.

"…But it's not worth the world if he's not here with me."

I managed to somehow fall into a fitful sleep again, but during this one I awoke in the night to Far sleeping soundly on the floor beside the bed which I'd been placed in. The door was open, and I pulled myself out of bed to walk out of it.

It was the only choice, really.

I snuck my way out of the SPK headquarters silently, having to be careful for fear of awakening someone, anyone in the building. My escape was relatively easy, however, and I walked out the door into the Japanese night.

Japan was beautiful at night, beautifully alive, mocking all the loss that I'd been through. I walked for seconds, minutes, hours – it could've been days, with all the attention I was paying. Finally though, as I sat on a bench in a park not so different from the one I danced in long ago, at home with Father, before Matt, Derek, Kumiko, and Far, before even Mello, I decided. I decided on my course of action, what I was going to do with my life now that everything was gone from it.

I walked back in the general direction of the SPK, waiting for the perfect type of traffic. And then I saw that armored truck coming down the street, with me on the sidewalk on the opposite side of the road, and I laughed once, only once.

* * *

"_Is it done Misa?"_

"_Yes, Light… It's done…"_

"_Don't cry, my queen. Because of this, you'll be exalted in the new world, a goddess to rule beside me."_

"_Well, yes… I know. I don't know what I'd do without you, Light!"_

"_Did you write exactly as I told you to?"_

"_Yes, Light, I did."_

"_May I see it please?"_

_And there, plain as day, on notebook paper that shouldn't have had any special purpose, was it written. _

_**Raven Azrael, suicide.**_


End file.
